1. Sleeping comes really naturally to me. I could do it with my eyes closed.
2. A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviewed the divorce papers and then said, 'please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.'
'Because,' the man said, 'I live in a two-story house.'
The Judge replies, 'what kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?'
The man answers, 'Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.''
3. Really, has anyone ever found proof in the pudding.
4. Late one night a mugger jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a Canadian MP!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"
5. I heard the man who invented the TV remote passed away. They found him at home in between the couch cushions.
6. Here's the best reason for missing work I have ever heard:
My husband took an over dose of Viagra and I couldn't leave him with the cleaning lady!
7. I like hot dogs...in fact I relish them.
8. Someone told me if you held up a shell you could hear the ocean. All I got was 6 yrs for armed robbery.
9. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
10. Which country's capital has the fastest growing population...........
Ireland, everyday it's Dublin.
2. A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviewed the divorce papers and then said, 'please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.'
'Because,' the man said, 'I live in a two-story house.'
The Judge replies, 'what kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?'
The man answers, 'Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.''
3. Really, has anyone ever found proof in the pudding.
4. Late one night a mugger jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a Canadian MP!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"
5. I heard the man who invented the TV remote passed away. They found him at home in between the couch cushions.
6. Here's the best reason for missing work I have ever heard:
My husband took an over dose of Viagra and I couldn't leave him with the cleaning lady!
7. I like hot dogs...in fact I relish them.
8. Someone told me if you held up a shell you could hear the ocean. All I got was 6 yrs for armed robbery.
9. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
10. Which country's capital has the fastest growing population...........
Ireland, everyday it's Dublin.
