Tough Times

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Optik

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it seems like a lot of us are facing tough times right now. job or lack thereof, family troubles, acts of god, what have you. i though i would start this post so that everyone who is going through something might speak up and talk about it, that way we will know that we are not alone in dealing with problems and/or bad luck and maybe get some perspective on our problems that we didn't see before. I'll start....

....last summer my wife got pregnant. this was good news, everything was fine then one day she started feeling real bad, went on for about a week until she went to the doctor, then was immediately admitted to the hospital, and two days later our son was born in an emergency delivery, three months premature. he was 1lb 10oz at birth. he stayed in the hospital for 3 1/2 months, had two major surgeries and almost died once before we finally brought him home. he's happy and healthy now but our marriage is not. two weeks ago she moved out back to her parents and took him with her. not sure if the relationship can be saved or if i can fix anything about myself to save it. so now we (I) am heavily in debt, living alone, working a crappy job for not enough money, and missing my wife and son something terrible. i know its not the end of the world but it sure feels like it sometimes. tried so hard to do the right thing and be a good father to my boy but now i'm missing the important milestones and it makes me feel like a complete failure as a human being.

-Tim
 
Hey that's some serious tough times.

If it wasn't for good counseling, our marriage would never have held up. You MIGHT consider offering to go to counseling with her.
 
That is a story many of us have lived and it is worst in the beginning. Nothing is over, time and talk can cure alot of troubles. If not talking about it helps alot too. Best of luck to you, things usually work out for the better.
 
man you gotta do what ever it takes to get it straight and make it right. marriage is a work in progress. it is something that starts off shiny and can get dull if you don't polish it alot. i guess i am lucky as the wife and i have been together 23 years now. this last year has been the hardest ever for us. i lost a 50k a year job do to the economy. i was out of work for almost a year and now i am waiting tables. she was prepared to leave me and i thought everything was grinding to a hault. now we are slowly getting back going again but i am a long way from being out of the woods. try to get yourself together and see where you and your wife still stand on common ground. work at building it up from there. that is about all i can say......good luck!
 
we have already decided to go to counseling. i hope that it helps. we'll see, at any rate i'm prepared to do whatever it takes to fix this or make it work. luckily she is a good woman, i know for sure that even if her and i can't be together she would not keep me from seeing my son.

thanks for the kind words, i started this thread in hopes that maybe others who are reading it would find it a place where they could talk about their problems too and get some help or kinds words of advice. i just don't want this to be all about me because i know there are others in our group who are going through equally bad or worse times right now. we all support each others mechanical endeavors on this board, i just thought it would be great and make for better friendships to support one another in life as well. i know that this might sound like some new-age girly-man crap but believe me, i'm as far as you can get from that kind of stuff. i'm not a feelings guy but i do believe in brotherhood and helping out my fellow man when i can.

-Tim
 
Optik,
Keep your chin up, man. Everything CAN work out. I know about the stress a sick little one can put on a family. When Benjamin (the little guy in my avatar) was born, it was by emergency C-section, though he was not a preemie. Overnight he was airlifted to another hospital 1 1/2 hours away where he stayed in NICU for 91 days, during which we found out he has Down's Syndrome on top of the health issues, before we were able to bring him home, still on oxygen and still on a feeding pump. Numerous surgeries later (several stomach surgeries and open heart surgery), he is as healthy and active (WILD may be a better word) as any normal child. He still gets 95% of his food thru a tube b/c he does not eat enough to sustain himself. He was beginning to talk like a normal 2y.o. before his heart surgery, but has not uttered a coherent word since, due to brain damage from an incident of oxygen starvation immediately following his heart surgery. He was about 2 months past his 2nd birthday before he had spent more calendar days at home than in the hospital. To meet him now, you would NEVER guess he's been thru all he has, unless he has his shirt off. It was HELL on our family. Had to put out my then-10 yr old daughter (from previous marriage) b/c she threatened several times that she would kill him if he lived to come home from the hospital. Even told her school counselor detailed plans of how she would do it. She is now living with my sister in Dallas and doing very well. I lost my job as a result of the time I spent at the hospital with Benjamin instead of at work. I was working for my father at the time. My wife and I split up for a while. I moved out. That only lasted 3 weeks, thankfully. I started my own business (wood floors, trim, custom woodworking) and did quite well for myself until the economy went to hell 1 1/2 yrs ago. At the present rate, my total income for this year will be less than the amount taxes I paid in 2007. But we are still together, and my relationship with my wife and the kids (she brought 2 from a previous marriage also) is stronger than ever.

Sorry for the novel of a post, but I say all this NOT in attempt to "best" your story or anything like that. Simply to show you that everything WILL work out. If WE made it thru, so will YOU. Just keep doing what you know is right for you and yours, and we'll keep you on the prayer list.
 
Tim,
If she is willing to go to counseling,that is what I would do.Counseling can do wonders for a relationship.Nothing to fear here as far as discussing what your going through,we are talking about a family here.I hope everything works out for you and yours,and wish you nothing but the best.
Take care.
JD
 
ok here we go. Dec 31, 2006 my wife bent over to tie her shoe and herniated a disc in her lower back, end result out of work and no pay check till Sept 07. Sept 29,2007 wife is rear ended and put off work till Dec 08, Insurance still has not settled our claim. So for the past two years my wife has not been able to work and she makes almost twice what I make. In the mean time our bills pile up we are fighting constantly, bill collectors calling every day, several times a day, my mom who is a widow has 3 strokes, and falls out her back door and tumbles down the steps,. I am working 12 hour shifts, doing all our house work, cooking, and cleaning because my wife cant, taking care of our yard, my moms house hold repairs and her yard. THis past Dec my wife went back to work and we just paid off two bills. (over $1100.00 a month worth) our stress levels has dropped, we are not fighting anymore, my mom has done ok. So yes it is always light at the end of tunnell we just dont know how far away it is. I dont know how we made it because our monthly bills are far more than I make. But we made it. The only thing I can say is GOD CARRIED US FOR MORE THAN TWO YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you dont know HIM find HIM and if you do know HIM, PRAY AND KEEP THE FAITH. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. At that time I did not know why God allowed us to through all this, but maybe it was for me to Glorify His name testifying that He is real and He cares for you.
 
Listen to what these guys are saying. Sometimes you cannot see the truth of what is happening from inside the vortex.
 
I too am going through time's Tim. Fortunately our children are older(18,20) and out of the house. These are my step kids since 2002 and have been are real thorn in our relationship, there father died from abusing drug's perscribed to him(Oxycotin). I have a son who will be 16 in Nov. who I havn't seen in two years because my ex left the state.....again. Well the wife and I got into doing real estate appraisal's, my wife started in 2003 and I in 2005 and were doing well. I started to remodel the house with travertine floor's and nice vessel sink's in the bath's, really thinking I was investing in my future. Well that was a mistake. After an untimely refinance the housing marking came to a halt. That was 2006/07. Luckily I have some construction skill's that helped us survive and stay current untill Nov.08 but we just couldnt keep up with the $2500 mortgage payment's(1900 sgft 1/4 acre). We talked to our bank(Chase) who could do nothing untill we were behind by three month's, then the only thing they could do was tell us we dont make enough money to keep the house...DUH. Well anyway this has created a real strain on the relationship. My wife never wanted to save for that rainy day and I went with the flow to keep the piece. Now we will start over but I fear my relationship has taken a big hit from this.:angry7:
By the way Tim, the wife is from Cinci. Milford. Her brother lives in Camp Dennison. We would visit back when we had $$$$$$. Still don't what's so great about the chili :-D.
Sorry so long folks, Peace
Noel
 
I guess Im pretty lucky. We have our health, jobs(all though I dont have much to do at work lately) and a happy family. No savings, cant pay our bills no matter what we do. Its just to expensive in our area and the economy has made it that much worse.

I wish everyone the best in this terrible time. Heres to hoping for better times.:drinkers:
 
Lost all my overtime at work.I have been laid off 7 weeks this year and will be laid off about 7 more.Behind on bills and don't think I will still have a job by winter.No savings but I still have it better than some right now.
Jim
 
Like most people I have my share of problems but I can't complain since they totally pale in comparison to what some of you are going through. I wish all of you that are going through tough times all the best. Do the best you can and keep your chin up, better times will come.
 
Thats tough for sure. I have 2 little ones and am lucky I have a VERY understanding wife who puts up with all my crap. I would try marriage counseling for sure.
Im not even going to go into my problems. I did it here once before and it's still and open wound for me....

Lets just say these people here are the best folks on earth.
 
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