Slantsix64
Well-Known Member
This is why I don't help people anymore.
A question about etiquette ...What to expect for a day of helping people?
- Thread starter Kern Dog
- Start date
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Ddaddy
I'm changing the World... one pixel at a time!
Nope.
But when I offer to help, I either give the help freely...or state my terms for the help I give.
I expect others to do the same when I ask for their help.
I generally give people who help me more than they ask...but that’s a choice. I never expect the same when I offer free help or state my terms.
Feeling “used” means you didn’t get what you expected and up front agreement of terms eliminates that. Like I said, either give the help freely or agree on the terms in advance.
But live with what you get and don’t complain...because you decided which it should be.
I get the feeling you don't offer very often. jmho
100 bucks per hour or pizza and an ice cold coke. I love pizza. I'm cheap when it comes to helping others in need.
I received loads of help from my buddies when I was younger and broke. After we got done we'd all chip in our pennies and go buy a half rack. That's how we rolled.
I received loads of help from my buddies when I was younger and broke. After we got done we'd all chip in our pennies and go buy a half rack. That's how we rolled.
Ddaddy
I'm changing the World... one pixel at a time!
You guessed wrong. I give far more than I ask for. Many members here can vouch for that.
But when I freely give, I don’t expect anything in return. A simple “thanks” is enough.
Oldiron440
Well-Known Member
I've got a neighbor that gave me a call to ask if I could help him with his snow because he had reconstructive surgery on his heart. They had replaced all the arteries to his heart with synthetic arteries so he said. I had a tractor with a loader and a box blade so I said I'd do what I could after I got mine done and for the winter I cleaned up his snow. Big driveway and I even did his sidewalk, he has a corner lot. One day in the spring I told him he owed me a bottle of Captain Morgen for the fuel and the cheap *** never even gave me a thanks. It happened to be a year we got a lot of snow too.
xtraoldestock
Well-Known Member
I had a guy I played hockey with needing a transaxle changed. While I was doing it he asked what I wanted? I said a bottle of whiskey should cover it. He came back with the cheapest rot gut available, and a mickey at that.
After that, whenever he needed something done I was busy.
After that, whenever he needed something done I was busy.
At the very least, cold beer in the fridge, your choice or soda, or coffee. And the grill hot, and throw steaks, brats, chicken.. something. I'd be damn well chasing the tools you need. Also be offering any skills I had back to you.
I'm not one to ask for physical help.. advice, hell yeah I'll ask that.
I always tell anyone that if you help me for a fair amount of time on my car, I have no problem you taking for a day, or weekend. I like doing stuff on my own though, so I don't have many on that list.
I haven't read through every post on here, but I saw one that I was thinking.. this guy is going to trailer this car to a car show two or three times a year and brag about how he did it all himself. Nice car? Yeah, it will be.
I want a car that I DID do everything on, and be proud of it.. yeah, it's not 'period correct'.. whatever guy.. I have fun in my car.
I'm not one to ask for physical help.. advice, hell yeah I'll ask that.
I always tell anyone that if you help me for a fair amount of time on my car, I have no problem you taking for a day, or weekend. I like doing stuff on my own though, so I don't have many on that list.
I haven't read through every post on here, but I saw one that I was thinking.. this guy is going to trailer this car to a car show two or three times a year and brag about how he did it all himself. Nice car? Yeah, it will be.
I want a car that I DID do everything on, and be proud of it.. yeah, it's not 'period correct'.. whatever guy.. I have fun in my car.
I think that D Daddy is related to the asshole that got me and my buddies for 5 1/2 hours that day.
He just doesn't quite get the point. And then at the end he's expecting a thank you.
Ddaddy
I'm changing the World... one pixel at a time!
Bite me. You are the one that just doesn’t get it.
You got what you asked for...and are whining that you didn’t get more.
Ddaddy
I'm changing the World... one pixel at a time!
You too.
D Daddy....You write like an attorney.
Who the **** goes into a situation like this with a pre-printed contract?
YOU are the ONLY one in 87 responses here and about the same at FBBO that has this opinion.
Chances are, YOU are the clueless one if everyone else opposes your opinion.
Who the **** goes into a situation like this with a pre-printed contract?
YOU are the ONLY one in 87 responses here and about the same at FBBO that has this opinion.
Chances are, YOU are the clueless one if everyone else opposes your opinion.
You're right he got what he asked for. He didn't ask for anything other than to be treated decently for helping a fellow out. But you can't understand that.
Your a taker it's in everything you posted. Kiss off.
Ddaddy
I'm changing the World... one pixel at a time!
You guys whine like a kid on Christmas that feels butt hurt that he gave someone a gift that was better than the one he got...and missed the entire point of what giving means.
No.
You either have never given and felt that the recipient took it too far OR you are the one that sees nothing wrong with using people.
There is no other way to see it.
This old prick plays the "Tom Sawyer" routine like a fiddle...I see it now.
I like to help people....Ones that are grateful for the help and show it. If the receiver is truly a decent person with a modicum of concern and compassion, they would have made a bigger effort to show it.
It isn't up to me to make demands...I thought that decent people treated people with respect and appreciation above and beyond what the giver asked for.
I have worked for others that pay me more than I asked for because I did a fast and high quality job. This prick is obviously not cut from that cloth.
You either have never given and felt that the recipient took it too far OR you are the one that sees nothing wrong with using people.
There is no other way to see it.
This old prick plays the "Tom Sawyer" routine like a fiddle...I see it now.
I like to help people....Ones that are grateful for the help and show it. If the receiver is truly a decent person with a modicum of concern and compassion, they would have made a bigger effort to show it.
It isn't up to me to make demands...I thought that decent people treated people with respect and appreciation above and beyond what the giver asked for.
I have worked for others that pay me more than I asked for because I did a fast and high quality job. This prick is obviously not cut from that cloth.
Ddaddy
I'm changing the World... one pixel at a time!
I don’t use people and have often been taken advantage of by selfish people who put their own selfish interests above mine...very recently in fact by a member here who has no honor and cost me several hundreds of dollars and a lot of personal effort to prepare a vehicle for them to purchase.
But it doesn’t change the equation.
When you give freely, you are entitled to nothing in return. If you want something more, say so up front.
In my case, I should have made this so-called friend put up a substantial deposit before entering into the transaction...but I failed to do so thinking he would be honorable and then he screwed me.
I learned very clearly that things need to be defined in advance or you live with what you get.
Complaining doesn’t change that...only future actions do.
But it doesn’t change the equation.
When you give freely, you are entitled to nothing in return. If you want something more, say so up front.
In my case, I should have made this so-called friend put up a substantial deposit before entering into the transaction...but I failed to do so thinking he would be honorable and then he screwed me.
I learned very clearly that things need to be defined in advance or you live with what you get.
Complaining doesn’t change that...only future actions do.
Staying away from and not keeping needy friends is a start.
I know I might sound like an *** saying it, but any time you make friends with needy people, this kind of thing happens.
Needy doesn't necessarily mean they are poor. Some people are needy emotionally or a thousand other ways.
It's exhausting sometimes to serve the needs of the needy and for what, when companionship could be had from others who share your same efficiency and ability and chances are they are a better match for your life and you them.
I know I might sound like an *** saying it, but any time you make friends with needy people, this kind of thing happens.
Needy doesn't necessarily mean they are poor. Some people are needy emotionally or a thousand other ways.
It's exhausting sometimes to serve the needs of the needy and for what, when companionship could be had from others who share your same efficiency and ability and chances are they are a better match for your life and you them.
I am finally catching on to the disappointing fact that MOST people that I meet are selfish and inconsiderate. Not everyone but a whole lot are.
Many others are great people but the selfish dwell among us and often fool people into helping them.
I have already cut short the amount of conversations I get dragged into with ear rapists that only want to talk about themselves or what they are interested in.
I see these types everywhere but even MORE so at car shows.
I walk away from them now.
The most interesting people are the ones that include others in their stories OR ask others about their experiences.
A conversation should be about sharing experiences, not a 11 minute monologue with one person blabbing on and on with the other guy fighting to stay awake.
Many others are great people but the selfish dwell among us and often fool people into helping them.
I have already cut short the amount of conversations I get dragged into with ear rapists that only want to talk about themselves or what they are interested in.
I see these types everywhere but even MORE so at car shows.
I walk away from them now.
The most interesting people are the ones that include others in their stories OR ask others about their experiences.
A conversation should be about sharing experiences, not a 11 minute monologue with one person blabbing on and on with the other guy fighting to stay awake.
Ddaddys words
When you give freely, you are entitled to nothing in return. If you want something more, say so up front.
In my case, I should have made this so-called friend put up a substantial deposit before entering into the transaction...but I failed to do so thinking he would be honorable and then he screwed me.
"Thinking he would be honorable"
Yet you don't think Kern Dog would expect the samething in his situation?
As I said you are a taker.
When you give freely, you are entitled to nothing in return. If you want something more, say so up front.
In my case, I should have made this so-called friend put up a substantial deposit before entering into the transaction...but I failed to do so thinking he would be honorable and then he screwed me.
"Thinking he would be honorable"
Yet you don't think Kern Dog would expect the samething in his situation?
As I said you are a taker.
Just to refresh for D Daddy.
Cope
Fusing with fire
If the work is free, you know what you get paid.
Nothing but good karma.
If you expect to get paied you need to state that in advance.
You did a good deed, write that guy off and keep on keeping on.
Nothing but good karma.
If you expect to get paied you need to state that in advance.
You did a good deed, write that guy off and keep on keeping on.
my68barracuda
Well-Known Member
I don't blame you at all for not wanting to help that guy in the future due to the way he took the help you and that others provided carelessly.
However, there are people who just make mistakes, just don't know or just plain forget to be thankful. It is totally up to you, but if you see a reason you want that
guy to be someone in your circle, the next time he calls and asks for help, call him out on the fact that he left you and your friends out in the cold.
If you want pizza and drinks, don't take chances, tell him that if he wants that kind of help the help expects pizza from xxxxxx ( here name the exact pizza brand and style you expect). That way he can reply accepting or rejecting the deal. Most people know to pay back, but again, some decent folks don't. They got to be told.
Only do that if you see a reason to move forward with knowing that guy, if you don't see a reason, next time he asks for help just say your busy and be done with it.
However, there are people who just make mistakes, just don't know or just plain forget to be thankful. It is totally up to you, but if you see a reason you want that
guy to be someone in your circle, the next time he calls and asks for help, call him out on the fact that he left you and your friends out in the cold.
If you want pizza and drinks, don't take chances, tell him that if he wants that kind of help the help expects pizza from xxxxxx ( here name the exact pizza brand and style you expect). That way he can reply accepting or rejecting the deal. Most people know to pay back, but again, some decent folks don't. They got to be told.
Only do that if you see a reason to move forward with knowing that guy, if you don't see a reason, next time he asks for help just say your busy and be done with it.
So if this guy is in your car club chances are you will run into him again. Judging from your pics he is an older guy and altho its unlikely maybe he just doesn't understand. You might want to strike up a conversation that goes something like: Yeah I had some guys over to help me with my fill in the blank. They were there for a couple hours and I kept them hydrated with the beverage of their choice, free food at meal times and a barbeque afterwards. I would lay it on with a spatula and see how he reacts.
So, I’ll chime in again with the way I think things should go...
When I was building the garage addition, I had cash to pay for help and plastic to buy materials. I asked anybody that I knew if they could come over, I would pay them $100 a day , about 1/2 the going rate, but I would give them the time back on one of their projects hour for hour, for free. I also fed them and of course had beverages. I had more than a few guys come back, even sometimes unannounced to offer help when they had a few free hours. Terms were laid out and accepted by both parties.
Now, I haven told this story before here, but I’ll outline it here for comparison. I was helping a member here build an outdoor structure, and the deal was that I would do the structure, they would do my floorpan. I had time, $300 in materials, and was up to $1000 on my end, which is my personal limit, and my perceived value of the floorpan job. When presented with this information, I was told they had no money to continue, and no time to do the floorpan due to preparing for Carlisle, and I would have to continue doing the job with my own money and they would make it good “later”!! Well, as you guessed, later never came. That was over 5 years ago, I pulled off the job, I’ve gotten about 3/4 of the $1k, nothing in the last 2 years. They ignore my calls and texts, and had the audacity to claim that I screwed up and did a shitty job because the posts I set and never perlined together are now twisted. As for the floorpan? I never got it done, and firmly believe that my car would still be there, trapped in and held for ransom, and a small amount of work would’ve been done to lay claim that they are $1k into the job. And, I’ll throw this out, I would more than welcome this member and his brother to chime in here and tell their side of the story, I’d like to hear it myself!
So, my guard is forever up now, and I work by my rules set on my first post here. That’s the only way I can be sure that I get what I want out of a job.
When I was building the garage addition, I had cash to pay for help and plastic to buy materials. I asked anybody that I knew if they could come over, I would pay them $100 a day , about 1/2 the going rate, but I would give them the time back on one of their projects hour for hour, for free. I also fed them and of course had beverages. I had more than a few guys come back, even sometimes unannounced to offer help when they had a few free hours. Terms were laid out and accepted by both parties.
Now, I haven told this story before here, but I’ll outline it here for comparison. I was helping a member here build an outdoor structure, and the deal was that I would do the structure, they would do my floorpan. I had time, $300 in materials, and was up to $1000 on my end, which is my personal limit, and my perceived value of the floorpan job. When presented with this information, I was told they had no money to continue, and no time to do the floorpan due to preparing for Carlisle, and I would have to continue doing the job with my own money and they would make it good “later”!! Well, as you guessed, later never came. That was over 5 years ago, I pulled off the job, I’ve gotten about 3/4 of the $1k, nothing in the last 2 years. They ignore my calls and texts, and had the audacity to claim that I screwed up and did a shitty job because the posts I set and never perlined together are now twisted. As for the floorpan? I never got it done, and firmly believe that my car would still be there, trapped in and held for ransom, and a small amount of work would’ve been done to lay claim that they are $1k into the job. And, I’ll throw this out, I would more than welcome this member and his brother to chime in here and tell their side of the story, I’d like to hear it myself!
So, my guard is forever up now, and I work by my rules set on my first post here. That’s the only way I can be sure that I get what I want out of a job.
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