Any lawyers on this board?

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Man I am so sorry this seems to be in your future. My advice is: Do what ever you can to work out your differences, your kids need both of you in their camp. Not each one of you in your own pulling and jerking on the kids to prove your point. At the risk of being offensive to someone. when all else has failed, Jesus is the answer. He's the answer way before that but we rarely try Him till we're in way over our heads.
You are on my prayer list.

drdan
 
Best of luck, Mine couldn't leave anywhere unless she had a signed document with my permission, this went both way's. I can't imagine why anybody could do that to the kids and the other parent.....
 
Taught middle school for 11 years, saw the results of some bitter divorces, also saw kids from more amicable divorces. Difference is HUGE. Doesn't mean you should roll over, you need to establish your rights, but in a dignified and respectful way.

Smartest thing I ever heard someone say about divorce, "Make sure you love your kid more than you hate your ex wife."

A LOT OF THE ABOVE ADVICE IS EXCELLENT TAKE IT.

Regards,

Joe Dokes
 
I sure wo'nt be bothered to get married a second time.I've had enough of being controlled for 40 lifetimes.
 
The Hawaii relocation sounds erratic, unless she is from there or has family there. When I lived in Tampa, it was a local joke how many divorced women moved there from up North. They remembered happier times on family vacations so thought life will be ideal. Reality is different. Maybe she is just longing for more peaceful times and is too immature or proud to confide in you. If the issues were stress from money problems, work, or raising kids, those can be talked out and solved, if both people are adults. If someone has been dishonest or disrespectful, that makes resolution much more difficult. In any event, fighting and bringing in lawyers won't help anyone but the lawyers.
 
ben there done that try to talk to the kids and see what they want it make them fill like you care anuff to want there thoughts and it makes a big diff if there old anuff they can go were they want and you gave them a chance to go were they want no told like there mouther will if she is like mine she wants the money and you can make her pay it worked out great for me get a good one asp good luck to your kids and you Paul
 
MiradaMegaCab said:
1wild, has custody been established already?

And if so, is it joint custody? Or does she have full custody?

ALWAYS GET AT LEAST JOINT CUSTODY, as this gives both parents rights to the children.
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15 yrs together, not married, kids have my last name.

Talked to 2 lawyers today, both say chill for a sec and see if she's bluffing just to get back in 'i left her', they say dont agitate it ...but that i should file a paternal order, serve her papers and that will immediately put a restraining order on her leaving the state with them. but in the end she can go to court and argue that its the only place she can find employment to provide for the kids. they said get a family plan and have her sign it.
I plan on having them half of each month and flowing her cash and paying for phone/ins for her and kids in the meantime. no state action has been involved yet.

thanks for the advice/wisdom , ill accept all i can get.
 
Joe Dokes said:
Taught middle school for 11 years, saw the results of some bitter divorces, also saw kids from more amicable divorces. Difference is HUGE. Doesn't mean you should roll over, you need to establish your rights, but in a dignified and respectful way.

Smartest thing I ever heard someone say about divorce, "Make sure you love your kids more than you hate your ex wife."

A LOT OF THE ABOVE ADVICE IS EXCELLENT TAKE IT.

Regards,

Joe Dokes
Click to expand...

I do.
 
needsaresto said:
I sure wo'nt be bothered to get married a second time.I've had enough of being controlled for 40 lifetimes.
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Me either. Next time I will just find a good looking woman that I can't stand, have sex with her a few times, and then give her my house.... :banghead:

It will eventually end up that way anyway, and I will then save on the lawyer and court fees... :protest:
 
A guy walks into a bar and yells out loud, "All lawyers are a$$holes..."

After a while a guy comes up to him and says, "You better take that back."

The first guy asks, "Are you a lawyer?"

The second guy replies, "No, I'm an a$$hole..."
 
1wild&crazyguy said:
Talked to 2 lawyers today, both say chill for a sec
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I disagree with that advice. I dont know your situation but even leaving your home can be called abandonment. Paternity has already been established as the kids have your last name. You probably already have health coverage for them and claim them as dependants on your income taxes. Laws vary from state to state, I understand the lawyers advice on, not pissing her off but, at least file a petition with the courts for custody/visitation. No lawyers yet, you can file on your own, for your own protection.

With no court order, she could say you kidnapped them, when in fact you just pick them up for a visit. Lawyers enter the court room and build a case based of negative things about the other parent.

You filing a petition first shows two things,
that your a concerned parent
and as a petitioner, not a respondant, you are not defending yourself.
 
MiradaMegaCab said:
I disagree with that advice. I dont know your situation but even leaving your home can be called abandonment. Paternity has already been established as the kids have your last name. You probably already have health coverage for them and claim them as dependents on your income taxes. Laws vary from state to state, I understand the lawyers advice on, not pissing her off but, at least file a petition with the courts for custody/visitation. No lawyers yet, you can file on your own, for your own protection.

With no court order, she could say you kidnapped them, when in fact you just pick them up for a visit. Lawyers enter the court room and build a case based of negative things about the other parent.

You filing a petition first shows two things,
that your a concerned parent
and as a petitioner, not a respondent, you are not defending yourself.
Click to expand...

Yup.
 
MiradaMegaCab said:
I disagree with that advice.

You filing a petition first shows two things,
that your a concerned parent
and as a petitioner, not a respondant, you are not defending yourself.
Click to expand...

i agree, every minute you sit back and chill is another minute she has to file a motion for temporary custody ..... you DEFINATELY want to be the petitioner here NOT the respondant....
 
Glad when I got divorced we had no kids, just pets and it still was a mess. Best of luck to you Justin.
 
If it turns into a pissing match the only one that makes out is lawyers. Try to keep it cival for the kids sake. I know its easier said then done. My exwife let here lawyer blow smoke up her as that she was going to clean my clock so cost me about 10 grand for my lawyer and 35 grand to settle with her but kept her away from my pension and 401k. I am sure she spent about as much for her lawyer. For the kids do your best to work it out and lawyers last resort. Good luck and remember the kids come first.
 
67cudafb said:
If it turns into a pissing match the only one that makes out is lawyers. Try to keep it cival for the kids sake. I know its easier said then done. My exwife let here lawyer blow smoke up her as that she was going to clean my clock so cost me about 10 grand for my lawyer and 35 grand to settle with her but kept her away from my pension and 401k. I am sure she spent about as much for her lawyer. For the kids do your best to work it out and lawyers last resort. Good luck and remember the kids come first.
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Good advice. When I went through my divorce, I sat the wife down and explained to her that we could do it two ways. We could fight it out and the lawyers will take most of it with the legal fees not to mention that all of our "dirty laundry" will be on public record. Or we can sit down and be civil and work it out between us and let the lawyers write it up and submit it to the court. She luckily saw the logic in the latter and we sat down and did a little give and taking and we agreed on who gets what. Then her and her lawyer drew it up, my lawyer reviewed it and approved it, then when we went to court the judge was impressed that we had worked everything out and only took us 5 - 10 minutes in court and we were gone. The judge even complimented us on how well we worked everything out and not bickered in court, she even told us that others should do it like we did.
 
MiradaMegaCab said:
I disagree with that advice. I dont know your situation but even leaving your home can be called abandonment. Paternity has already been established as the kids have your last name. You probably already have health coverage for them and claim them as dependants on your income taxes. Laws vary from state to state, I understand the lawyers advice on, not pissing her off but, at least file a petition with the courts for custody/visitation. No lawyers yet, you can file on your own, for your own protection.

With no court order, she could say you kidnapped them, when in fact you just pick them up for a visit. Lawyers enter the court room and build a case based of negative things about the other parent.

You filing a petition first shows two things,
that your a concerned parent
and as a petitioner, not a respondant, you are not defending yourself.
Click to expand...
What name the child has has nothing to do with the establishment of paternity. In the OP's case paternity is established through what is know as the marriage presumption. When two people are married the father is legally the father of any child conceived during the marriage regardless. If you had genetic test results stating you couldn't possibly be the father you would still need a court to over rule the marriage presumption. You
NEED a custody/visitation order. If you don't get one now and she bolts to the islands, you will have to do it there. It's not easy doing it from your home state, let alone from 1000's of miles away. The problem is they won't pursue a parent in another state to enforce your order. There is no good answer. The one thing you have going for you is that you can tell her that the court can deviate from the recommended child support amount due to high visitation travel costs. So for example in CT a minimum wage order for one kid is about $79/week. If it costs you $1000 every six months to visit, you can ask the court to reduce her support by $35/week. Something she will NOT want. That might just keep her in state Oh yeah never allow your minor child to obtain a passport if at ALL possible. It will be very hard,but in family court the person who stays calm, acts reasonably, and is polite usually does better. Good luck
 
As I said, laws vary from state to state. I had to sign an AOP (Acknowledgement of Paternity) form prior to the issuance of a birth certificate, in order to be recognized/listed as the father on the birth certificate. As I wasnt married (like the op) I had to claim my kids as dependants on income tax forms, in order for them to be eligible for my health coverage provided by my employer.
 
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