Depression

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ramenth

ramenth

Gratis persona
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Back in November I was hospitalized for it. Spent a week in the Behavioral Sciences Unit at the local hospital.

Things snowballed on me and it got out of hand. Lashed out when I shouldn't have. Still paying the price for it. Pysche doctor put me on Zoloft and I'm voluntarily in councilling.

There are days when it's no big deal. Easily managed and things are on top of the world.

Then there are times that something small is made into a big deal and it brings my world crashing down and I can be in a funk for days.

Trying to work through it to become a better husband and better father. The only thing I want my family to say about me when I die is, "he was a good man."

But when things influence the way I feel and bring me back to rock bottom it's hard to overcome and not easy to deal with.

My outlook is usually upbeat and positive. I've overcome a lot of things in my life as most of you know. But there are days when it just feels like giving up and not fighting the good fight is worth it.

There's a stigma from folks who don't have to deal with this, or understand what it's like. Those of us who deal with this aren't feeling sorry for ourselves. We just can't pull ourselves up by our boot straps and get over it. Our minds go into a funk and it stays there. It takes a lot of support and a lot of compassion to overcome the really down times.

Then there's the stigma we place on ourselves. My natural tendency is to ask myself, "why aren't I a better man?" "Get over it and move on." "Quit feeling sorry for yourself. People rely on you."

It's a war in the mind that's not easy to over come.
 
Sorry to hear this enemy has found you, Robert. Your post says it all. Thank you for stepping forward so that more people will understand. Stay with the counseling...prayers sent.
 
ramenth said:
Back in November I was hospitalized for it. Spent a week in the Behavioral Sciences Unit at the local hospital.

Things snowballed on me and it got out of hand. Lashed out when I shouldn't have. Still paying the price for it. Pysche doctor put me on Zoloft and I'm voluntarily in councilling.

There are days when it's no big deal. Easily managed and things are on top of the world.

Then there are times that something small is made into a big deal and it brings my world crashing down and I can be in a funk for days.

Trying to work through it to become a better husband and better father. The only thing I want my family to say about me when I die is, "he was a good man."

But when things influence the way I feel and bring me back to rock bottom it's hard to overcome and not easy to deal with.

My outlook is usually upbeat and positive. I've overcome a lot of things in my life as most of you know. But there are days when it just feels like giving up and not fighting the good fight is worth it.

There's a stigma from folks who don't have to deal with this, or understand what it's like. Those of us who deal with this aren't feeling sorry for ourselves. We just can't pull ourselves up by our boot straps and get over it. Our minds go into a funk and it stays there. It takes a lot of support and a lot of compassion to overcome the really down times.

Then there's the stigma we place on ourselves. My natural tendency is to ask myself, "why aren't I a better man?" "Get over it and move on." "Quit feeling sorry for yourself. People rely on you."

It's a war in the mind that's not easy to over come.
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In other words you are a human being! There is no stigma from others who have experienced some degree of what you are feeling. To those on the outside there should not be but the human condition dictates that there will always be the outlier. You could need some medication to get your synapses firing again and a combination of counseling. This is completely normal and anyone who denies it is wrong.
First nothing anyone says will help but I will chime in anyway. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a condition that requires help and you need to recognize that and do the best you can. We all have bad days and some real bad days but you need to ask yourself if it is something that you can work out.
For what it's worth I have learned a thing or two because I have seen a thing or two. Don't count on friends or family especially the wife to be your helper/therapist. It will only bring them down and do you no good.
I found for myself that a clinical psychologist was the counselor that I needed, twice. Once for the initial bad time then a few years later for a tune up. (I have always said that the car thing is cheaper than therapy)
I am not a fan of drugs but that is going to be a psychiatrist's thing because they are MD's. Not for me but some folks respond well with that as well. If your Dr. is treating you, his first job should be to find the root cause of the problem, not treat the symptoms. In any case, don't let a temporary problem require a permanent solution, keep on trucking and best of luck to you!
DR-------------------------
 
I'm glad you are receiving help with your depression.
So many people don't.
Many people close to them don't know they are having problems.

I've had three relatives that are no longer with us because of it and it's left a big hole in our lives.

Good luck and stick with it.

My prayers are with you!
Tom
 
Praying for you my friend. Unless you are, or know someone that is, it is hard to understand. My wife is going through with it, and after losing a job a few weeks ago, she is hard to deal with. I'm retired and work part time. Without her income it is hard. I have even considered selling my 65 formula S project car to help out. I'm glad you realize the problem you have and am getting counseling. My wife doesn't think she needs any help, because she isn't the one with the problem.
May God Bless you and help you get better
 
Exercise exercise exercise. Stabilizes mine like no other. It's still there, but the exercise on a daily basis makes manageable 95% of the time
 
depression is an exceptionally dangerous thing - really good to see you on here and glad to hear you are facing it! Kudos! Hey, maybe swing into the "coffee shop" - I can't promise it'll be good for you - but it's definitely an interesting diversion!! :thumbsup:
 
Very difficult to work through, each person has his/her way to work through it. I have searched for my way, religion, work, hobbies etc. found FABO a help, a good wife and don't laugh but breathing exercise helps when things get tough. Find what works for you.
 
Unless you live with it you can't understand what it's like. Sorry to see you suffer from this.
Although with all that has been dumped on your plate over the years I'm not surprised.
Looking forward to talking with you Sunday.
 
Hope you get back on track soon. If one med doesn't work, don't be afraid to try something else. I've been on several, and have found one that helps,without many side effects. Someone once said "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." I don't know how old you are, but when my life came apart at around 30, exercise helped control the rage.
 
I wanted to respond in a PM but the site is giving me an error message so I guess I will do it here.

One thing I learned 20+ years back is to force myself to remember that I am NOT what I feel. I found that when I have forced myself to step back from myself and think on that concept, I have done a lot better. This takes a constant and conscience effort but it has worked for me for decades. This is not some dumb new age crystals, rainbows and unicorns wishing that the world is a better place and therefore it magically becomes so. Nor is it some mind over matter, triumph of will. It is honest introspection.

I cannot say it will work for you. That lack of mental/emotional/spiritual energy, that apathy towards the universe in general is a cast iron *****.

Good luck in this.
 
While I don't have all the answers for you, I can share my then to now.
I'll be 60 yrs old in August. I stayed on antidepressant for 10 years. Started out on Paxil then changed to Zoloft for lesser side effects. I put that and all other drugs down early last May.
I don't think there is a doctor who ever would say, "You no longer need this drug". More often they want to add another. So I stopped going in. I can't say why it took me so long to question the need.
Is there anyone who doesn't have an episode? I would watch and listen to others and think, "Damn you need a pill!". Many of us reach a point in our lives when we realize we aren't who/what/where we dreamed we would be as children. I know I did. I was so focused on the negatives I couldn't see a single positive in my day to day existence. To carry on seemed hopeless, not worth the effort. By the way... Do not use that word, "existence". It's life! It beats the hell outa being dead. Suicide is the ultimate expression of selfishness.
Seasons change, people change, again and again. Just grow old with the changes like we are supposed to. Older is wiser.
Today, the lyrics of Cee Lo greens Crazy is sort of an anthem for me. Everybody gets crazy to some degree at some point in their life.
I'm not saying you don't need that drug for a time. The big question is for how long? Until you understand... Until the thoughts and feelings of the others in your life take priority over your own. Not their needs, that depending on you crap, just your being in their lives. Their love for you is not to be translated into your burden.
My most current example... We have a 13 yr old husky here who is dying of cancer. There were soooo many days passed when I completely ignored her. We are a blessing to each other. Always have been, I was just a blind fool. In retrospect, I think even that dog felt sad for me and my condition. She didn't come to my side for petting to benefit herself.
Am I ashamed of my bad season / where my mind went? Absolutely. Can I make amends? I'm trying. Does that mean I'm crazy? Wait and see.
Best of luck to you.
 
I think you are on the right path because you are abill to talk about it here and are getting help at a doctors. I really do not know how to respond to this as I just lost my best friend to this ugly sickness in January. He was only 53. His first bout came in his early 20s and he spent close to 6 months hospitalized for it at the time. He had been good untill about a 2 years ago when his brother passed away. His wife told me he could never get passed that.
Good luck with your fight and keep talking to others for support.
Mike
 
Old man ray said:
Unless you live with it you can't understand what it's like. Sorry to see you suffer from this.
Although with all that has been dumped on your plate over the years I'm not surprised.
Looking forward to talking with you Sunday.
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Absolutely.
People that never have experienced depression or addiction cannot understand what goes on in their minds. I lost a brother to meth abuse. No amount of intervention or common sense gets through unless they decide to accept the help.
I feel for you, man... While I have never been clinically depressed, I have had times where a situation seems hopeless. I personally hate the winter time with the cold temperatures and short daylight hours. EVERY year I go through a period of short temper, low tolerance, social withdrawal and lack of motivation. I have heard some suggest exercise... sure couldn't hurt in my case because these 34" waist pants are begging for time off.
 
Kern Dog said:
Absolutely.
People that never have experienced depression or addiction cannot understand what goes on in their minds. I lost a brother to meth abuse. No amount of intervention or common sense gets through unless they decide to accept the help.
I feel for you, man... While I have never been clinically depressed, I have had times where a situation seems hopeless. I personally hate the winter time with the cold temperatures and short daylight hours. EVERY year I go through a period of short temper, low tolerance, social withdrawal and lack of motivation. I have heard some suggest exercise... sure couldn't hurt in my case because these 34" waist pants are begging for time off.
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There's a name for the effects you feel in the winter. Its called " SAD" . I know. Funny. It stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. My cure was to move to Florida. And I'm sorry for your loss.
 
Learn how NOT to Obsess over things- one way is to distract yourself with something positive. It's all about letting go...... of the petty stuff

I recall days where I would get so heated up about something and not let it go, head off in a rage, sometime destroying things or yelling at people. Every little thing seemed like a BIG deal where I wasnt going to let it or someone get the best of me, so I would beat it to death until I was exhausted then followed by a couple of days reflecting trying to convince myself whatever the **** it was it was important.
 
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ScampMike said:
depression is an exceptionally dangerous thing - really good to see you on here and glad to hear you are facing it! Kudos! Hey, maybe swing into the "coffee shop" - I can't promise it'll be good for you - but it's definitely an interesting diversion!! :thumbsup:
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Yes. Agreed. And much lighter hearted than the N&P thread. Cheers to you for getting help. That's the first big step but the most important one. Get well my friend. Tmm
 
Coping skills.. and learning what the root cause is. Somewhere along the lines I lost a part of myself. I need to rediscover it.

My last two jobs were a disaster. Once upon a time I'd walk in the door and be running the place in a few months. Instead I was tentative and lost. Slinging bondo on a train? Really? I can do that in my sleep. Painting the damned things? With my eyes closed. Yet, I was "afraid" to do the job.

Karli has been a big help in listening. Since my stay at the BSU we've been working on getting our marriage back on track. I denied I had problem for a few years and I put a lot off on her. She's a good woman to stand beside me even when I couldn't do it myself. On top of that, she's got anxiety and having to deal with my *** didn't do herself any good.

Thanks for the suggestions. Exercise is pretty much out of the question until I sit with the orthipedic surgeon next month. Years of doing mechanical and body work have taken a toll on my body. My knees are bad and it's affecting my hip. I have repetitive motion in my left elbow and both shoulders have tendenitis. I keep moving to keep everything from locking up, but if I over do it, then it's hard to keep moving.
 
I have never had clinical depression. but when I feel "down" I think bak to my dad , Marines for 20 odd years before my birth in 1948. he was in his early 40's ...
he went thru 4 yrs of WW11 and 1 in Korea... he retired out of necessity. mentally shot.... he overcome it because as my mom told him, he had a child to help care for... he was strong and it as not easy....
like others, I think lots of exercise can help. maybe faith in our Creator. and like right her on FABO, letting your friends try to help. we love you man, just like your family. be strong!!!!
 
Keep in mind that once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up....

Once you've been there and have come back up, keep telling yourself that you won't let yourself go there again, and work to stay on top of it...

You have to realize that once you start to go down, that you need to get back up... Most of it's in your mind - don't let it get the best of you... You need to make up your mind to keep going up and stay on that path... Only you can decide to make it better, and until you do, you won't get there....


I know you have been through things that I have not and I can't put myself in your shoes.. The only one who can make it change is yourself... You know that you will not get better if you don't want to, so make a conscious decision to be aware of when it's creeping in and don't let it overcome you...


Do you want to go back to those dark times again? I don't think so, so make up your mind to not go there and work to not go down again...
 
It is nice to see all this support for a guy with depression from other guys who seem to care and understand. I have issues myself, but I dont talk about it much, esp in public, because I don't think others will understand. I am grateful to associated with such a bunch of guys. Thank you for your replies to Ramenth. I wish him, and all of you others with such difficulties, well.
 
Bigdummy said:
Life is hard in everyone.Good family and friends help ya along the way
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first of all, kudos to you realizing you have a problem. I have what is called refractory depression, which there is no cure for. everything I do depends on my attitude. no matter what, I have to struggle every day to get up and out of bed. I hate it immensely, and have been dealing with it since 1998 when I was injured in the line of duty. if it wasn't for a very good dr. and a absolutely amazing wife of 38 years I can honestly say I would not be here talking to you great guys and a hobby that I use to deal with it. people look at me and say "you don't look disabled" and that is hard to deal with. at the beginning of last year I was told that I needed a new liver. I never drank or did anything to warrant needing a new liver. it just keeps piling up on me but thank god I have a support system. I have a 68 dart gt that I have been trying to work on every day to keep busy. it may take me years to complete but I have promised myself it will get done. the work is slow because I have no one to help me but I have all of the parts to complete it. as long as you get up every morning you are one step closer to a cure. I wish you well, may god bless and keep you. even if you are down and need to talk please pm me. for the most part I am usually home and would be most happy to answer any questions or share experiences or whatever. remember that you have a host of people here and a good support system at home so don't hesitate to use them. I wish I lived closer to you, sometimes it is easier to talk face to face. positive thoughts my friend that in itself will keep you going. brian (scampman)
 
Stigma....yup....had a doctor tell me I don't look bi-polar. Hmmm....
Depression, bit different than mixed bi-polar...but many folks view them the same...just take meds and you'll be fine. Yeah, right. If only it were that simple.
Have attempted suicide...more than once. Oddly, the day I had a .357 in my mouth and pulled the trigger....that was the calmest moment in my life during that time.
One of the best things I have done for myself...education. Not from listening to arm chair shrinks on a Internet forum...but from a caring doc. Acceptance goes a long way. Don't try to hide from it...talk about it. Learn to laugh at folks that tell you how to live with it...when the only experience they have is second hand.
Sadly mental health ailments can become consuming. Often times, when a person has chronic pain depression tags along. Same can be said with a depressed person who develops a physical problem. They seem to feed off of each other.....often times seems like you are just spinning out of control.
Like I mentioned during our emails...I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you have PTSD....speaking of our emails...if they stopped because of me I do apologize. Seems like anymore I just don't respond to folks...
 
Thanks for sharing. You are not alone. For as long as I can remember I have had to deal with anxiety, insomnia and depression. Not all the time thankfully. I have learned through therapy and studying on my own how to coupe. I dare to say that I am a capable man, but, when I fall into depression it renders me useless. I feel lucky, because somehow I always feel motivated to get well again, every time. Routines is key for me. That helps a lot, and of course trying to stay healthy. I have also learned that what's right for me might not be right for you etc. So I'm not gonna try and give good advice. I just wanted to say that I can realy relate on how this affects every aspect of living a life and relationships. I'm on a medicine called Sertralin. It's helping me a lot, it keeps me more balanced and I don't get stressed as easily. I would never judge someone who takes antidepressants, I would however suggest that everyone do a little studying on what it is they take. I realized at a young age that I used alcohol as a form of medication. It's very easy to fall into addiction with these types of problem, luckily I realized this in time. So I would advice everyone to be carefull. If I would to give any advice it is to read books on the subject. It is very good to know the mechanics of anxiety and depression. When I understood it better I was no longer as scared of it. I wish you all the best! (Just realized I ended up giving all kinds of advice anyway :)
 
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