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OK gang, I had mentioned this back when I first returned from Florida. At the time I was more concerned with my Sister's situation than lampooning the trip. Now that Karen's back home and things are "normal" for her, I think it's time. It's time to discuss.....
My trip from HELL.
Friday Morning in N.Y.
Plane leaves at 7:00 from Laguardia with a stop in Philly. Friend hooks me up with a ride to the airport, I save $35 in cab fare. WOO-HOO!
Arrive at airport and go through security, everything is cool. I have 2 small bags I decide to carry on to avoid baggage.
Hungry: Buy a yogurt Parfait, which probably tasted good 3 days prior to my purchase. Try to return it, no habla English now...screw-it.
Get on plane (20 seat puddle-jumper) for 45 minute trip to Philly. I forget my magazine in my bag, go to get it out before they throw my bag in the back, they won't let me get it. Short flight...I'll survive. They load up & lock the door. Then they announce a 45 minute to an hour delay taking off due to traffic & weather. We sit for over an hour on the runway. I have 1 hour and a 1/2 between connecting flights. My palms start to sweat...
Land in Philly and go to get my bags. They won't give them to me. The ground crew in N.Y. didn't tag my bags. They send them through baggage claims. I start to fume... Retrieve my bags and hustle to the completely opposite side of the airport to grab my flight. I have 15 minutes to spare, so I buy a sandwich for the flight. $7.95 for a Turkey sandwich. A BAD Turkey sandwhich. Grrr!
Get on the plane only to hear that one of the passengers yakked all over one of the bathrooms. We sit while the cleaning crew finds their way to our plane. At least I have my magazine....
We take off and experience some of THE worst conditions ever. I ponder how my friends will finish my car for me after I die...
We land. It's now 3:15 in the afternoon. So much for a quick flight down the coast! Took less time to go to Cali last November.
Grab rental car. They give me a gut-less wretched POS from KIA. Car will not blow up...no matter how hard I try. (BTW: ALWAYS get the extra insurance...) See my Sister, etc...
Now I go to Hotel. Hospital is in Orlando. Hotel is in Kissimme. 30 miles away. RIGHT NEAR Disney. On a weekend. Do I have to describe the traffic? Which brings me to this:
I've driven on the West coast. I've driven throught Mahattan. New Jersey even compares favorably; but Florida? No wonder you all carry guns. You need them to defend yourselves from your absolutely HORRIBLE drivers! I can definitely see myself dropping some lead into a door or trunk from time to time. People merge onto I-4 and TURN LEFT across 3 lanes of traffic, no turn signal of course...and stroll in the left lane at 40 MPH. And don't tell me it's all the N.Y-er's whom retire down there. Maybe Jersey... but my Gawd, I've NEVER seen such terrible road manners! NO ONE signals, they cut you off, and just plain drive with their heads stuffed up their...tailpipes. I driving at 70MPH in the far right lane while the left lane was standing still. Amazing.... and I had to deal with this every day going back & forth to the hospital.... Oh, did I mention it was the tail end of BIKE WEEK!?!?! Not only is there the infamous Daytona bike week, but Orlando has one too! Ever see 6 trillion motorcycles in one place? About half of them (or so it seemed...) was partying at my hotel. ALL-NIGHT-LONG. So much for sleep...
Eating: The best meal I had was from an I-Hop that pays off OSHA nicely I bet. The ugliest, moat un-appealing waitress I've ever seen (she would have a hard time scoring a date in a men's prison...) serves me a rather tasty egg white omlette. I'm pleased, but this is the best I'll have for almost 4 days.
fast forward to coming home on Sunday night. My flight leaves at 7:35, lans in Philly at 10:30, with a 20 minute stay before my flight leaves for N.Y. I get to the airport where U.S.Airways announces that people on my flight number with a connecting flight MUST go to a specific counter. I learn all flights are delayed and I'll miss my connecting flight in Philly. I can't go home until Monday morning. They offer to put me up at a Sheraton for the night with transportation back & forth. What can I do.... so I make phone calls, pitch-a-***** (I got $100 in future travel vouchers with U.S. Air...) and go wait for the shuttle bus. Which comes an hour later. We get to the hotel JUST IN TIME for the computers to crash. They don't know which rooms are availiable, and which are taken. A brave ( and BIG...) member of the hotel staff does a room to room check for vacancies. I get a nice room 1 & 1/2 hours later...
I go to eat and the hotal informs me they have no resturant, but the sea food place down the street will honor the dinner vouchers the airline gave me. Here I am, walking down a dark, dirt road in Orlando and pass a McDonalds. No way, I keep walking and find the sea food resturant, it's called Fish on Fire. As I walk in it reminds me of the movie Roadhouse. I half expected to see bloody barmaids. I sit down and grab a menu. A total stranger sits down next to me at my table. I ask if he was there and I appoligized for taking a seat there. He said it wasn't his table, and just drinks his beer staring at me. I look around while checking out the menu wondering how my friends are going to finish my car while I die in a back alley. I decided I'm not in the mood for sea food and wish my table companion a good evening and walk out shitting nickles knowing I have MANY pairs of eyes on me.... I slink out and proceed to McUlcer. I make it there and order a chicken sandwhich just as a gang of about 25 punks comes strolling in. Now I don't give a damn how my friends will finish my car for me....
I choke down dinner and make it back to the hotel. Fortunately I woke up about 20 minutes before my wake-up call. I have a 7:00am flight...need to be AT the airport by 5:00am. While getting ready I notice the front desk never made my requested wake-up call. Oh well...
Airport shuttle never comes. Group of passengers call a cab. I bull-dog my way on and throw a $20 into the fare.
I get to the airport and discover it's my lucky day! I get pulled out of the security line and they do a thorough seach of me & my luggage. No... no latex gloves were involved. But they did go through everything in my bags the bastards...
I finally get on board and have a very un-eventful flight home. I'm in my living room by 10:30 am Monday morning hoping my sister gets well soon. I'm getting too old for weekends like this now a days!
But geeez... what a pain in the as that trip was.
My trip from HELL.
Friday Morning in N.Y.
Plane leaves at 7:00 from Laguardia with a stop in Philly. Friend hooks me up with a ride to the airport, I save $35 in cab fare. WOO-HOO!
Arrive at airport and go through security, everything is cool. I have 2 small bags I decide to carry on to avoid baggage.
Hungry: Buy a yogurt Parfait, which probably tasted good 3 days prior to my purchase. Try to return it, no habla English now...screw-it.
Get on plane (20 seat puddle-jumper) for 45 minute trip to Philly. I forget my magazine in my bag, go to get it out before they throw my bag in the back, they won't let me get it. Short flight...I'll survive. They load up & lock the door. Then they announce a 45 minute to an hour delay taking off due to traffic & weather. We sit for over an hour on the runway. I have 1 hour and a 1/2 between connecting flights. My palms start to sweat...
Land in Philly and go to get my bags. They won't give them to me. The ground crew in N.Y. didn't tag my bags. They send them through baggage claims. I start to fume... Retrieve my bags and hustle to the completely opposite side of the airport to grab my flight. I have 15 minutes to spare, so I buy a sandwich for the flight. $7.95 for a Turkey sandwich. A BAD Turkey sandwhich. Grrr!
Get on the plane only to hear that one of the passengers yakked all over one of the bathrooms. We sit while the cleaning crew finds their way to our plane. At least I have my magazine....
We take off and experience some of THE worst conditions ever. I ponder how my friends will finish my car for me after I die...
We land. It's now 3:15 in the afternoon. So much for a quick flight down the coast! Took less time to go to Cali last November.
Grab rental car. They give me a gut-less wretched POS from KIA. Car will not blow up...no matter how hard I try. (BTW: ALWAYS get the extra insurance...) See my Sister, etc...
Now I go to Hotel. Hospital is in Orlando. Hotel is in Kissimme. 30 miles away. RIGHT NEAR Disney. On a weekend. Do I have to describe the traffic? Which brings me to this:
I've driven on the West coast. I've driven throught Mahattan. New Jersey even compares favorably; but Florida? No wonder you all carry guns. You need them to defend yourselves from your absolutely HORRIBLE drivers! I can definitely see myself dropping some lead into a door or trunk from time to time. People merge onto I-4 and TURN LEFT across 3 lanes of traffic, no turn signal of course...and stroll in the left lane at 40 MPH. And don't tell me it's all the N.Y-er's whom retire down there. Maybe Jersey... but my Gawd, I've NEVER seen such terrible road manners! NO ONE signals, they cut you off, and just plain drive with their heads stuffed up their...tailpipes. I driving at 70MPH in the far right lane while the left lane was standing still. Amazing.... and I had to deal with this every day going back & forth to the hospital.... Oh, did I mention it was the tail end of BIKE WEEK!?!?! Not only is there the infamous Daytona bike week, but Orlando has one too! Ever see 6 trillion motorcycles in one place? About half of them (or so it seemed...) was partying at my hotel. ALL-NIGHT-LONG. So much for sleep...
Eating: The best meal I had was from an I-Hop that pays off OSHA nicely I bet. The ugliest, moat un-appealing waitress I've ever seen (she would have a hard time scoring a date in a men's prison...) serves me a rather tasty egg white omlette. I'm pleased, but this is the best I'll have for almost 4 days.
fast forward to coming home on Sunday night. My flight leaves at 7:35, lans in Philly at 10:30, with a 20 minute stay before my flight leaves for N.Y. I get to the airport where U.S.Airways announces that people on my flight number with a connecting flight MUST go to a specific counter. I learn all flights are delayed and I'll miss my connecting flight in Philly. I can't go home until Monday morning. They offer to put me up at a Sheraton for the night with transportation back & forth. What can I do.... so I make phone calls, pitch-a-***** (I got $100 in future travel vouchers with U.S. Air...) and go wait for the shuttle bus. Which comes an hour later. We get to the hotel JUST IN TIME for the computers to crash. They don't know which rooms are availiable, and which are taken. A brave ( and BIG...) member of the hotel staff does a room to room check for vacancies. I get a nice room 1 & 1/2 hours later...
I go to eat and the hotal informs me they have no resturant, but the sea food place down the street will honor the dinner vouchers the airline gave me. Here I am, walking down a dark, dirt road in Orlando and pass a McDonalds. No way, I keep walking and find the sea food resturant, it's called Fish on Fire. As I walk in it reminds me of the movie Roadhouse. I half expected to see bloody barmaids. I sit down and grab a menu. A total stranger sits down next to me at my table. I ask if he was there and I appoligized for taking a seat there. He said it wasn't his table, and just drinks his beer staring at me. I look around while checking out the menu wondering how my friends are going to finish my car while I die in a back alley. I decided I'm not in the mood for sea food and wish my table companion a good evening and walk out shitting nickles knowing I have MANY pairs of eyes on me.... I slink out and proceed to McUlcer. I make it there and order a chicken sandwhich just as a gang of about 25 punks comes strolling in. Now I don't give a damn how my friends will finish my car for me....
I choke down dinner and make it back to the hotel. Fortunately I woke up about 20 minutes before my wake-up call. I have a 7:00am flight...need to be AT the airport by 5:00am. While getting ready I notice the front desk never made my requested wake-up call. Oh well...
Airport shuttle never comes. Group of passengers call a cab. I bull-dog my way on and throw a $20 into the fare.
I get to the airport and discover it's my lucky day! I get pulled out of the security line and they do a thorough seach of me & my luggage. No... no latex gloves were involved. But they did go through everything in my bags the bastards...
I finally get on board and have a very un-eventful flight home. I'm in my living room by 10:30 am Monday morning hoping my sister gets well soon. I'm getting too old for weekends like this now a days!
But geeez... what a pain in the as that trip was.
sounds like you may need one.
