Funny Nun Joke

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dibbons

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Two nuns went grocery shopping, but they dilly-dallied and before they knew it, the sun was setting on the horizon.
On the walk home, Sister Innocent said: "My, we are still a long way from the convent, and it's almost dark."
Sister Smart *** replied, "No kidding, and there is some kind of creep following us now."
"I wonder what he wants?" (Sister Innocent)
"Obviously, he wants to bury his ... in one of us," (Sister Smart ***)
'What should we do?" (Sister Innocent)
"Let's split up. You go that way, and I'll go this way." (Sister Smart ***)

The guy followed Sister Innocent while Sister Smart *** arrived at the convent, safe and sound, but worried as hell for the well-being of Sister Innocent.

An hour later, Sister Innocent showed up at the convent.
"What happened?" (Sister Smart ***)
"Well, what do you think happened? I took off running, and the man ran after me." (Sister Innocent)
"Then what happened?" (Sister Smart ***)
"Obviously, he caught up to me." (Sister Innocent)
"Good Heavens! What did you do next?" (Sister Smart ***)
"Obviously, I lifted up my habit." (Sister Innocent)
"Sister! What did he do?" (Sister Smart ***)
"Obviously, he dropped his drawers." (Sister Innocent)
"Then what?" (Sister Smart ***)
"Isn't it obvious? A nun running with her habit up above her shoes runs faster than a man running with his pants wrapped around his ankles." (Sister Innocent)

nun.jpg
 
A young priest was taking a stroll downtown, it was his first time in the big city. He walked past a street walker who spoke to him, she said, "Quickie for two fifty?? The young priest was puzzled not knowing what the woman was talking about so he simply ignored her and went straight to the Church where he ran into the Mother Superior. He asked her, "Mother Superior, what's a quickie???" She responds, "Two fifty, same as downtown!!"
 
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Two Nuns sitting in the bath together...one says to the other "Where's the soap?"
The other Nun replies "It does, doesn't it."
 
A man breaks into the bottom floor of a 10 story convent. It's late at night so all the Nuns are asleep. He goes to first bedroom that he sees and rushes in to find a young Nun still asleep. He jumps in bed and begins to rape her repeatedly. The Nun screams over and over as loudly as possible,"Mother Superior!! Mother Superior!!". The Mother Superior, who lives on the top floor, eventually hears the screams from down stairs and wakes up. Once the Mother Superior realized that one of her Nuns was in trouble she starts down the stairs. The Mother Superior went down the 10 flights of stairs as fast as she could but by the time she got to the first floor the man had already left the convent.

The Mother Superior asks the young Nun what had happened? The young Nun, pulling her night gown around her body, explains that a burglar broke into her room and raped her repeatedly. The Nun stated that the man wouldn't stop no matter how much screamed, he raped her over and over and over. The Mother Superior was stunned!! Then the Mother Superior said, " Get up out of bed immediately and follow me!!" The young Nun, thinking that she would be punished, followed the Mother Superior straight to the kitchen. Then the Mother Superior opened the refrigerator and pulled out a Lemon. She grabbed a knife and cut the Lemon in half and handed it to the Nun and said, "Quickly...stuck on this as hard as you can!!!"
The young Nun, still stunned by the ordeal says, "But why Mother Superior....will the Lemon juice keep me from getting pregnant???"

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The Mother Superior says, "Hell NO!!...but it will take that silly grin off your face!!!":rofl:
 
The Mother Superior came running into the washroom and grabbed some Listerine and took a mouthful and spit it out. The young nun asked what the problem was? The Mother Superior said "I walked into Father Riley's room and saw him naked as a Jay Bird". She had never seen a ***** before and asked what it was. She said " he told me it was Gabriel's Horn" so I blew it.
 
Why did the priest have the alter boys go outside and put their ***** in the snow? He likes to have a couple of cold one's after mass.........
 
Two nuns were changing in a small room in the convent. Just as they both got down to nearly nothing on, they heard a knock on the door. "Who's there?" one nervously asked. "Blind man" was the answer. They whispered to each other and decided that there was no problem letting in a blind man. They opened the door, and the man stood there grinning and said "Hello ladies! Where do you want these blinds?"
 
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