Married guys - car budgets and honesty

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B-onefan said:
Let's put it this way.

My biggest fear is that after I die, my wife will sell my cars and guns for what I told her I paid for them!
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LOL!!!! I got a kick reading through these responses......
 
First wife: Joint account. She had control and paid all the bills. I had the primary paycheck and put *** amount into it every payday. I got minimal spending money (gas, cigs, etc). When she kicked me out for a younger man, I found out she had been blowing money on dope and her boyfriend.

Second wife: Joint account. Both paychecks went in the same account, I paid all the bills. When we split due to child/step child difficulties, she cleaned out the back account and drove it negative without telling me and crap started bouncing everywhere. A month later, another man moved in. I got stuck financially.

This (3rd) wife: Separate checking accounts. I pay all the bills, she pays her car note and personal maintenance. She doesn't know how much I make or how much I spend. I have $$ car parts shipped to work and stash them in my man cave just I don't have to listen to the questions. Low $$ items are shipped home. She hates my projects and refuses to ride in them. I make sure all the bills are paid, ON TIME, and MY retirement fund gets regular contributions. If she asks what I spend on a part, I tell her about 30% of what I really spent. She's a hard woman to live with and I'd just as soon not listen to it. Lie? Not really. It's not her concern. I have $50 every paycheck put in a savings account as a "project fund".

After my 2nd wife I swore...NEVER again will a woman have control over MY financial security or able to mess with my emotions or mental stability. No matter what happens between us, my "life" does not change.

Not that I'm bitter.....
 
sargentrs said:
First wife: Joint account. She had control and paid all the bills. I had the primary paycheck and put *** amount into it every payday. I got minimal spending money (gas, cigs, etc). When she kicked me out for a younger man, I found out she had been blowing money on dope and her boyfriend.

Second wife: Joint account. Both paychecks went in the same account, I paid all the bills. When we split due to child/step child difficulties, she cleaned out the back account and drove it negative without telling me and crap started bouncing everywhere. A month later, another man moved in. I got stuck financially.

This (3rd) wife: Separate checking accounts. I pay all the bills, she pays her car note and personal maintenance. She doesn't know how much I make or how much I spend. I have $$ car parts shipped to work and stash them in my man cave just I don't have to listen to the questions. Low $$ items are shipped home. She hates my projects and refuses to ride in them. I make sure all the bills are paid, ON TIME, and MY retirement fund gets regular contributions. If she asks what I spend on a part, I tell her about 30% of what I really spent. She's a hard woman to live with and I'd just as soon not listen to it. Lie? Not really. It's not her concern. I have $50 every paycheck put in a savings account as a "project fund".

After my 2nd wife I swore...NEVER again will a woman have control over MY financial security or able to mess with my emotions or mental stability. No matter what happens between us, my "life" does not change.

Not that I'm bitter.....
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This :cheers:
 
My wife of 33 years blasts me from time to time, but yet has no problem taking 6 to 7 k gambling like she did 3 years ago, because she needs to just get away and take a break. separate accounts, I pay my share of the household bills every month plus my own. She has her own account and I have mine then we have a joint. Lost trust years ago, wouldn't think that after this many years but people change and become selfish. She brought this on herself and I found out. Happened to a long time friend as well so now he has his own account, and this is his second pass, my first. Long time ago my wife's grandfather told me back in his garage that a woman has no scruples, was confused at the time, but he said I would figure it out one day. I did a few years ago, not saying their all untrustworthy and I'm sure there is good one out there. My two cents. :burnout:
 
Ok, here is mine. Been married almost 22 yrs (got married young)! Money is together (though not much of it...lol), not much of a house (but we sure have a home!) and it's ours, and we want to help each other achieve their desires! We've done house projects together, and she has held parts in place while I started the bolts. We would take the kids (not so little anymore) to the DQ in our classic car (what ever it may be at the time), to the parks, etc. etc. Life is fun.... when you live with someone you love
 
I use my car for service calls and work that I drive to.
You want the money, I need the parts.
She helps make sure my car stays drivable. :D

Toys or play parts come out of my personal Paypal acct.

Married for 27 years.
 
I'm not married but I don't tell my live in girlfriend the correct price on car parts. She's only 25 and thinks the cars are waste of money. I just ordered brand new bumpers for my 69 dart I'm gonna tell her they were 400$ instead of actual price. Just easier that way on myself lol. Dustin
 
My wife handles the finances. Im ok with that..i make the money, she raises my 3 kids when im at work and cooks and cleans. I look at it as an 18 hpur a day job 7 days a week for her. So now on to my budget. I give myself a $25 automatic paypal transfer every 2 weeks to my account. It could be more depending on ypur level of income or less. My wife sees it, and i just have to be patient on what i need to buy. Im not as active in the garage as i used to be but it all comes down to harmony and mutual respect. No car is worth a marriage unless she insists on driving a new camaro.
 
I wouldn't bother marrying anyone who was controlling. I'm sorry but if you are going to marry someone, you better know what they are like and vice versa. In my opinion if you are willing to marry someone controlling, then there better be no whining about it. As long as we are responsible with our money, I get what I want for my cars and she gets what she wants for her various hobbies. You should never jeopardize your finances for car parts, and there is no sense in lying about what you are doing. If she does not respect you enough to let you have a hobby she is not interested in, then it is best to not marry someone like that.
 
If things will end or get ugly because of the truth, better now than in the future. When the wife and I got married I had three Road Runners, four Challengers and she had four horses. When I was informed I had ruined her life and wasn't worth living with we had eight horses and no Road Runners or Challengers. The truth spoken from the beginning would have prevented sorting through a huge pile of crap in my gut at the end. It would be preferable to be happily married but I vowed never to risk ruining another woman's life. Now the dyno, flow bench, engines and cars agree with me.
 
rmchrgr, I think it comes down to communication. You may have to communicate your desires about your car more than some of us. Explain to her how much your car hobby means to you.

My current wife of 16 years knows I'm a car guy. When we met I had just put a 6 inch suspension lift and a 2 inch body lift on my 92 Chevy Silverado and I had a dirt bike for fun. But I never allowed my hobby to take time away from her or my family. Now that both kids are on their own, I have more time to work on my car.

We always put our family first and never bought "stuff" that we didn't need. We helped our kids out waaaaayyyyy more than we should have and just recently "cut" them off of constantly expecting us to help them out...we have two boys aged 26 and 27. I'm all for being there in an emergency but not weekly!!

As far as joint accounts or separate, it's really what works best for you and what both of you are comfortable with.

Again, communication is key...talk through it and help her understand how much your hobby means to you. Then when it comes time to pay for all that engine work, you'll have her blessing!!
 
Dodge33 said:
:happy1: can't wait to see how this turns out.
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Put the popcorn down, nothing dramatic is going to happen. We're not getting divorced, we've been through a lot actually, we make a very good team in all honesty. There are always going to be some things which don't proceed smoothly. The engine is getting built regardless. Need to get some odds and ends and the the major outlays should taper off now.

Really though, there's never a 'right' answer here. These situations can obviously be tricky to navigate if you are a conscious human being. Sometimes you go full disclosure, sometimes not. If your wife is frugal but you like to regularly do solitary activities that happen to cost a little money, it can be a problem.

Frankly, I have a hard time believing the guys who say they share everything and their other half is cool with whatever they do/spend. I guess it happens and maybe more than I realize but that does not seem totally realistic to me.

Of course you gotta keep yourself happy it can't always involve your wife and kids. So thinking about it like that - if your wife gives you the business because she doesn't see eye to eye with on how money should be spent, well what do you do? Just forsake your own happiness or do what you have to do and deal with it as it comes? I wish it was more black and white.

I was just looking to see if this was a common thing to experience which I believe it is. I appreciate all the replies.
 
As someone once told me we have to keep pushing that little boy in us back where it belongs untill we can do differently without giving up the more important things in life. My wife hasn't worked in 35 years and we're doing ok so I don't get allot of grief over it
 
rmchrgr said:
So all you married guys - how up front are you with your car budget with your significant other?


So eventually I opened up my own account to use for my discretionary funds which I didn't tell her about.

I pull my weight but she makes more than me. WAY more. She's done well and I'm proud of her. We're not in over our heads in debt. We're not rich but we don't want for anything and we provide for our kids. We save pretty well on all accounts, we are doing great with that and we are relatively young.

It extends to a lot of things though. Like for example, our house is old and needs a lot of work. A LOT. We are outgrowing it with our kids and need to make some major changes in it. She is afraid/not willing too take out a large enough loan to do what we need to do. I always say sometimes you have to spend to get money. Took me a year to convince her we needed a car. She drove our Cherokee for years with well over 100K on the clock, I got tired of fixing it. Was like pulling blood from a stone.


How do you guys handle this?

Thanks,

Greg
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I am married to the best wife anyone can have. I think it is so important to find someone that you have everything in common with.

We have seperate accounts. Always have, always will. We both agree on this method. We both split the mortgage 50/50. I pay about 75% of utilities, she payed the 25%
Food and kids items are about 50/50. Unexpected expenses ( roof repair, furnace etc) we try and do 50/50, but I probably pay the full bill ever 4 times.

She knows everything g about OUR cars. She calls them mine, I call them ours because she loves them. I may pay for them though.

She has her own 65 barracuda that has been passed down three gen in her family.
We own 15+ cars all together. And she knows the true cost and value of each one.

We can do as we wish with our money. But we prioritize the above necessities first as well as a large bi weekly contribution to a JOINT savings. Anything left over after we cover theses items we do as we wish with.

We have no credit card debt or Line of credit debt. No vehicle debt only ONE mortgage for a house we own half of.

We are both in our 30's and have two young kids.

That's how we do it...but there are a couple things that you said that raise flags for me...

Your first paragraph in quote...don't keep secrets! Would you want her to? Gives you the feeling she doesn't trust you if she had a secret from you! I keep nothing from my wife.

Second paragraph in quote ...you mention your not in debt over your head, live comfortably...if you have credit card or loan debt, that should come first before luxuries like classic car repairs and upgrades. It doesn't matter if you at paying "cash" for your classic car needs when you have other debt that is MUCH better being payed off than a machines block. If your only debt is a mortgage, than I see no problem with what you are doing except it is still a secret.

Third paragraph...you then say you need to do some major upgrades in your house and are outgrowing it. We just went through that. Had an 800sqft house just over a year ago. Had two kids in it. Decided we outgrew it. We saved a lot for a year, sold and bought a 3000sqft house and our mortgage only went up a little bit because of our savings.

Three things are a leading cause for divorce. ( not saying your on that track!!!)
1. Secrets
2. Money issues ( witch you could have with your justification of getting loans for house repairs). I don't know your debt situation.
3. Renovations

Not trying to come down on you . I could be reding between the lines a lot on this.

I am really lucky. My wife likes cars, we keep no secrets, manage our money seperate, and I can't remember the last time we havnt been renovating in the 15 years of being together.
 
Greg;

I read only your post and decided to answer. While the earnings are reversed in this household, there is much similar between us dispite a near decade in age difference. We're in need of a driveway since I just did an additional overflow ceptic tank. Kitchen and living room need a serious updating. Daughters getting married, etc....

The one thing I do is take a small amount of cash off the top of the pay check and push it into my "Toy car account" so long as the bills are met, it'll get done.
it is my only hobby left that I do. She doesn't bother me with my only hobby. I don't bother her with any of hers. If she comes home with a $1500 computer (and she did) I just take interest in it. And say I hope you got the best.

This is an area where we do not bother each other on. It's our sanity and fun outlet. I need mine, she needs hers. Everything in and on and around the house will get done in good time. She knows it, I know it.
 
It is fascinating reading everyone's replies and their situations. FABO is a great forum.

My first wife and I had everything in joint accounts. My first priority was to her and our two daughters. I was still in college when we got married and eventually my car empire (1964 Polara 500, 1966 Charger, 1966 El Camino, 1967 Camaro SS 350, and 1958 Cadillac Coupe de Ville) had to go to get us through to my graduation. We made joint decisions on our spending which helped on the car issue. She died after 10 years of marriage.

Twenty three years later, my second and current wife of three years wants me to spend time and money on my cars. We have joint accounts with a separate account for her real estate business and one for my cars. I have money deposited from each of my checks into the car account and use it for my MOPAR addiction. She has used some of her inheritance money to purchase a year correct 340 engine and transmission (numbers matching combo) for the Duster when I didn't have enough in the car account at the time. She also encouraged me to have a concrete slab poured on the side of the garage so I could have the room to pull engines (I kept talking about it for years but never did it because of the cost). She also likes to go with me to Mopars At The Strip in Las Vegas. She loves to cruise around in my C-body convertible and can't wait for me to get the Duster going again.

rmchgr
I am the frugal one who wants to be debt free and save for a rainy day. My wife likes to spend money fixing up the house and travelling. We tend to pull each other to the middle of our extremes. Last year, I spent six days in Rome with her and had an absolute blast!! Even though I had always wanted to go there, I never wanted to spend the money to get there. I let her drag me there kicking and moaning and I haven't regretted it.
 
rumblefish360 said:
Greg;

I read only your post and decided to answer. While the earnings are reversed in this household, there is much similar between us dispite a near decade in age difference. We're in need of a driveway since I just did an additional overflow ceptic tank. Kitchen and living room need a serious updating. Daughters getting married, etc....

The one thing I do is take a small amount of cash off the top of the pay check and push it into my "Toy car account" so long as the bills are met, it'll get done.
it is my only hobby left that I do. She doesn't bother me with my only hobby. I don't bother her with any of hers. If she comes home with a $1500 computer (and she did) I just take interest in it. And say I hope you got the best.

This is an area where we do not bother each other on. It's our sanity and fun outlet. I need mine, she needs hers. Everything in and on and around the house will get done in good time. She knows it, I know it.
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You let her buy a 1500 computer, really? Tell her to build one next time. It will a learning exp if she's never done it before and for the same amount she spent, the computer she can build would wipe the floor with the one she bought. Newegg and tigerdirect is where I get my stuff from.
 
rmchrgr said:
Put the popcorn down, nothing dramatic is going to happen. We're not getting divorced, we've been through a lot actually, we make a very good team in all honesty. There are always going to be some things which don't proceed smoothly. The engine is getting built regardless. Need to get some odds and ends and the the major outlays should taper off now.

Really though, there's never a 'right' answer here. These situations can obviously be tricky to navigate if you are a conscious human being. Sometimes you go full disclosure, sometimes not. If your wife is frugal but you like to regularly do solitary activities that happen to cost a little money, it can be a problem.

Frankly, I have a hard time believing the guys who say they share everything and their other half is cool with whatever they do/spend. I guess it happens and maybe more than I realize but that does not seem totally realistic to me.

Of course you gotta keep yourself happy it can't always involve your wife and kids. So thinking about it like that - if your wife gives you the business because she doesn't see eye to eye with on how money should be spent, well what do you do? Just forsake your own happiness or do what you have to do and deal with it as it comes? I wish it was more black and white.

I was just looking to see if this was a common thing to experience which I believe it is. I appreciate all the replies.
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Your wife is a lot like me...( penny pincher).

You choose to have a hard time be living the guys with an open book with everything with there wife is fine, but believe me, those relationships are out there...and as rare as a hemi...but they are out there.

I think reason you deal resistance is because your wife doesn't understand your passion for cars. I have a really hard time with some of my wife's purchases. But if she does it with her own money without going into debt, I don't have anything to stand on. That's where your wife and I are simular. But I would hate for my wife to keep secrets. So our method works for us
 
spl440 said:
My wife and I actually read your post and thought we would let you know about how we do it.

The roof over our head always comes first; but only when there is something that absolutely must be taken care of. I am not talking just cosmetic. We have joint accounts where all our money is pooled, bills are paid. Then, in order of necessity, we spend accordingly.

For OUR cars, hers is a 2007 Dodge Caliber with a lifetime warranty and she insists she is going to drive that baby into the ground. It saves us a monthly payment. My 1967 dart is my daily driver and my wife does not drive it at all, but enjoys going places in it. I also have a motorcycle which we also both enjoy. At this time, we are selling our 07 Cummins truck because we do not have a use for it anymore.

OUR dart was purchased from a salvage yard and we took many many years to restore it, spending what we could during our poor days. But we were still driving it primered and engine smoking. We did most of the work ourselves as we could afford it and it took about 17 years to get it to this point. . We both agreed that a restored car would be worth more in years to come than a new car that depreciates fast.

Surprisingly enough we have always operated as a "couple"; a team when making financial decisions. I don't consider my money just mine and she didn't consider her money just hers. Now, my wife doesn't work anymore. We discuss everything we do financially and we don't look at it as "asking permission" to spend. If I want to spend money on my car, we usually sit down and make sure that everything else is done taken care of. I don't know why couples need to have separate accounts. We both need a roof over our heads and we both need transportation.

Also, very important, I include my wife in trips and events that my car is involved in and she likes doing them. Also we take trips not necessarily about the car (something she would like to do) but we take the car as transportation. She has become exposed to how much our car is worth and the importance of keeping it up. We talk about how the car should be done and I include her input. Also, when I know we are getting ready to spend money on the car, I try and do something nice for my wife or with my wife and it doesn't need to be a lot of money, but it makes her feel special that I put forth the effort. I also offer to help her with her projects so it is not always about me. Remember, you only get back what you give and I have been married for 25 years and my wife is a strong-willed, very intelligent woman who will stand her ground if need be. Her famous saying is not to say no, but to do our financial homework to see if it is reasonable to do. She even comes up with good ideas sometimes on how to get what we need for my car.

I think you should get her more involved and make her feel she is part of this decision. Remember that if the situation was reversed and you were making more money than her, you might be the one questioning her purchases and how necessary they are.

To be honest, just to let you know, it is my wife that is typing this because I suck at it.

Hope this helps.
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... Best reply yet! And Kudos to mrs spl440 for gettin on here to express her thoughts, view point from the wife herself, aka better half!

I'm enjoying all the comments here.
 
MobileCustoms said:
Smart man!
Some of you others are gonna be in some deep sh*t if your other halves ever come across these posts. LOL

PS.... I am happily divorced :D
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Me too... Freedom.... (free to say what I want, when I want, to whoever I want...) :D


(It's a shame that y'alls wives carry your testicles in their purse.....) :pale:
 
Greg,
Basically, if your woman feels fairly sure that your family is financially secure she will be more likely to accept the expenses associated with your hobbie. Stay out of debt, put money aside for future family needs, and put more money in the bank than you spend on your Mopar.
That should help you not have to keep secrets.
 
When my wife and I got married , 30 years ago this August, I told her I love hockey (she had to name all the teams in the NHL as a quiz, she missed Winnipeg!) and I really love cars. She gets it, period. Last year while talking about my Demon I said I would really like to put a Hemi in it instead of a 440. She looked at me and said "go buy one".
It doesn't get much better than that.
FYI, we both work and have separate checking accounts.
 
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