DT440
Member
I stick with complete honesty. If it's in the budget, I get it. If not, I have to wait. Goes both ways with things she wants.
Married guys - car budgets and honesty
- Thread starter rmchrgr
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mrtires24
Well-Known Member
What he said ^^^^^^^
I told myself when I was a very young person, that I was going to pursue the things in life I had an interest in, while I was young enough to do so. I wasn't going to work all my life to retire and THEN do those things!!! ( after i'm too old and wore out!)... I didn't throw money away, live foolishly.... but I pursued my life's passions.
I was (falsely!) diagnosed at bout age 45 with pulmonary fibrosis, the doc said you will die. make a will. so I took a renewed interest in my passions and chased them. even harder... yes, it was nice to later find out I wouldn't be dead at age 46! but it also gave a renewed opinion of life.
so, 20 years later, I still chase my interests in life. I pay my bills, work a little part time seasonal to have some extra $$. she understands I don't intend to ever marry again, i'm considerate of her needs, she works and pays her half of the bills, and I do as I like and have no other desire to do any different. she has her checking account, I mine. it works for us.
I was (falsely!) diagnosed at bout age 45 with pulmonary fibrosis, the doc said you will die. make a will. so I took a renewed interest in my passions and chased them. even harder... yes, it was nice to later find out I wouldn't be dead at age 46! but it also gave a renewed opinion of life.
so, 20 years later, I still chase my interests in life. I pay my bills, work a little part time seasonal to have some extra $$. she understands I don't intend to ever marry again, i'm considerate of her needs, she works and pays her half of the bills, and I do as I like and have no other desire to do any different. she has her checking account, I mine. it works for us.
Hersbird
Well-Known Member
I've been married 26 years and we have always had just one bank account. She quit working 9 years ago to homeschool our youngest but even before I always bought home more income. Anything besides food that costs more then $100 we run by each other first. We also share one email account and both go to bed at the same time although she does get to sleep in more then me, I sometimes take a nap after work. Works well for us and my older daughter who is now married seems to have adopted a similar style with her husband. She seems to have a tighter reign on their budget then I ever did but that has cost me a lot of interest and fees over the years so maybe her way is better.
SoulSurvivor
Well-Known Member
Classic! I couldn't have said it better
Pateras
Well-Known Member
I definitely understand where your coming from RamCharger. Married for 11 years, We both work hard, and bring home good money, she brings home more. Joint account for personal, but actually have several accounts for the business, IRS, etc.
I was using the debit card for car parts after checking the balance, she would too for her stuff, then we'd realize that we're overdrawn. Those fees were KILLING me. I was so pissed because the money was already sitting in another account, ready to transfer.
That drove us to using strictly cash, but we made sure we had a realistic amount for the entire month, several hundred. Doing that simple change to cash changed everything for me, my wife, and our expenses. It made the money more "real" if you will. I felt like a kid again, i would start to hoard my cash; I became possessive with it, not wanting to spend it on stupid stuff, but conversely, really appreciating the car parts when they did arrive.
I would hold a hundred dollar bill aside in my dresser, then when i went to buy headers, i would run to the bank, deposit the money, then quickly make the purchase. I ate out at lunch less often, stopped online shopping as often.
Look RamCharger, it's your life too. As long as you don't beat her, and come home drunk every night, your good. You deserve to be happy; cars do it for you, she likes something else. But as you know, your situation is not going to change, so move to a cash budget, set some aside slowly, then buy when your ready, it's exactly what your doing now, your just taking the "evasive" nature away from your discussions with your wife. Win win. Good luck.
I was using the debit card for car parts after checking the balance, she would too for her stuff, then we'd realize that we're overdrawn. Those fees were KILLING me. I was so pissed because the money was already sitting in another account, ready to transfer.
That drove us to using strictly cash, but we made sure we had a realistic amount for the entire month, several hundred. Doing that simple change to cash changed everything for me, my wife, and our expenses. It made the money more "real" if you will. I felt like a kid again, i would start to hoard my cash; I became possessive with it, not wanting to spend it on stupid stuff, but conversely, really appreciating the car parts when they did arrive.
I would hold a hundred dollar bill aside in my dresser, then when i went to buy headers, i would run to the bank, deposit the money, then quickly make the purchase. I ate out at lunch less often, stopped online shopping as often.
Look RamCharger, it's your life too. As long as you don't beat her, and come home drunk every night, your good. You deserve to be happy; cars do it for you, she likes something else. But as you know, your situation is not going to change, so move to a cash budget, set some aside slowly, then buy when your ready, it's exactly what your doing now, your just taking the "evasive" nature away from your discussions with your wife. Win win. Good luck.
1968dartman
life is getting better!!
I have a budget of about $1000.00 per year to spend on my Dart. I try to stick to that number , but have been known to go over it. I do NOT buy anything for our toy without letting the wife know first.
acpat
Well-Known Member
I will say this if I get divorced there will never be another wife. When I was single I had a 4000.00 a month car/gun budget. Now it is 400.00. She has zero interest in my car or gun hobbies. The ink would not be dry before I departed the state in a Kenworth dragging a 53ft flatbed.
I pay all the bills with my income. my wife buys the food and houehold supplies with her income. she only deals with cash, i'm trying to get into her safe for leftovers.
she is the queen of cash and she's happy. no need for a budget.
she is the queen of cash and she's happy. no need for a budget.
rmchrgr
Skate And Destroy
I think this particular situation of mine might be a little different than a lot of what you all are describing. I don't even bother to mention smaller trinkets anymore, my wife is used to boxes showing up now and again. She'll just say "oh there's a package for you". I'm usually home first though so I can intercept whatever it is and into the garage it goes, no one the wiser.
That being said, building an engine is obviously a totally different deal. I won't go into specifics about cost but if you've built a custom engine from scratch then you know where I'm coming from. It's a big outlay of cash at one time. I don't care who you are or what kind of connections you have, it ain't getting done for nothing.
Rewinding the story a few years back - I buy my current car after horse-trading cars and parts over the years. I did pretty well - it's rust free, straight and it runs and drives pretty well. Actually better than any car I'd had previously. We just had our second kid right round this time so I didn't race it that year. But, I drove it for a while then take it apart the next winter. I rebuild everything but the motor, knowing full well how much it costs. Next summer, I drive/race it and do OK with it. Now this winter I am doing the engine. If you think about it, it's a lot of money, no two ways about it. Could I have bought other stuff or done different things with the money? Of course. But then I wouldn't be me and I probably wouldn't have started this thread.
If all goes well, the car is going to be pretty awesome. I will have realized my vision to have a low 11 second street car. Really, the old motor in the car was tired and was probably operating at less than 100%. I mean, it ran OK, enough to go 12.20 but it was tired and needed to be rebuilt. This was confirmed when I took it apart, the bearings were shot. If you use these reasons as justification, they are pretty thin. But, if you look at it as a passion-driven labor of love deal, then the money doesn't really matter, at least to me. I think that's where the problem arises. It's my thing; it costs a ton of money and time and is ultimately satisfying only to me. I can see why someone might feel left out or upset if the majority of my discretionary income and free time went to a mechanical object.
But like many have said, "she knew what she was getting into". You can use that but it only goes so far. On the other side of the coin, I'm a pretty dedicated family man and other than doing car stuff, I live a pretty simple life. I make the kids lunch, get 'em dressed and bundled up and send 'em off to school, then go to work, (minimum 1 hour + drive each way, sometimes 2+). Then, I pick 'em up, make dinner every night and help put 'em to bed. I usually sit down on the couch and can't get up. I changed careers to make sure we had a secure future. I stayed home with my first kid for almost two years when he had some medical issues. I was never a drunk but I hardly ever drink any more. I'm always around and available. Without going into too much detail about my personal business, let's just say it ends up kinda one-sided sometimes. Mr. Mom for sure.
So in some ways, I guess I feel like it's OK for me to keep this stuff separate. I don't really have a 'self' most of the time as you guys with kids/house/wife/job know. If I don't take care of myself, no one will. That's why I said, I hate being in this position. I don't want to be but things don't always turn out the way you want.
That being said, building an engine is obviously a totally different deal. I won't go into specifics about cost but if you've built a custom engine from scratch then you know where I'm coming from. It's a big outlay of cash at one time. I don't care who you are or what kind of connections you have, it ain't getting done for nothing.
Rewinding the story a few years back - I buy my current car after horse-trading cars and parts over the years. I did pretty well - it's rust free, straight and it runs and drives pretty well. Actually better than any car I'd had previously. We just had our second kid right round this time so I didn't race it that year. But, I drove it for a while then take it apart the next winter. I rebuild everything but the motor, knowing full well how much it costs. Next summer, I drive/race it and do OK with it. Now this winter I am doing the engine. If you think about it, it's a lot of money, no two ways about it. Could I have bought other stuff or done different things with the money? Of course. But then I wouldn't be me and I probably wouldn't have started this thread.
If all goes well, the car is going to be pretty awesome. I will have realized my vision to have a low 11 second street car. Really, the old motor in the car was tired and was probably operating at less than 100%. I mean, it ran OK, enough to go 12.20 but it was tired and needed to be rebuilt. This was confirmed when I took it apart, the bearings were shot. If you use these reasons as justification, they are pretty thin. But, if you look at it as a passion-driven labor of love deal, then the money doesn't really matter, at least to me. I think that's where the problem arises. It's my thing; it costs a ton of money and time and is ultimately satisfying only to me. I can see why someone might feel left out or upset if the majority of my discretionary income and free time went to a mechanical object.
But like many have said, "she knew what she was getting into". You can use that but it only goes so far. On the other side of the coin, I'm a pretty dedicated family man and other than doing car stuff, I live a pretty simple life. I make the kids lunch, get 'em dressed and bundled up and send 'em off to school, then go to work, (minimum 1 hour + drive each way, sometimes 2+). Then, I pick 'em up, make dinner every night and help put 'em to bed. I usually sit down on the couch and can't get up. I changed careers to make sure we had a secure future. I stayed home with my first kid for almost two years when he had some medical issues. I was never a drunk but I hardly ever drink any more. I'm always around and available. Without going into too much detail about my personal business, let's just say it ends up kinda one-sided sometimes. Mr. Mom for sure.
So in some ways, I guess I feel like it's OK for me to keep this stuff separate. I don't really have a 'self' most of the time as you guys with kids/house/wife/job know. If I don't take care of myself, no one will. That's why I said, I hate being in this position. I don't want to be but things don't always turn out the way you want.
340duster340
Well-Known Member
you need to move off of long island. this rat infested crap hole is just too expensive.
go to VA, FL, or pretty much any where south of the mason dixon line. you can live for 1/2 the cost and have it twice as good.
as soon as my wife is willing to leave, i am gone. they she will get the new house and all the other junk she wants because we won't be spending so much on taxes, insurance, cost of commuting.
go to VA, FL, or pretty much any where south of the mason dixon line. you can live for 1/2 the cost and have it twice as good.
as soon as my wife is willing to leave, i am gone. they she will get the new house and all the other junk she wants because we won't be spending so much on taxes, insurance, cost of commuting.
leblanc
member 2883
With my car budget I pay fuel for the season, shows, other minor expenses, if I'm lucky The budget will grow a little bigger some years than others. Now that I am retired I plan to drive more so God knows what is going to happen. My budget might not last the whole season.
JG
JG
Maybe your worth is just not being realized there ram!! Your value should not be understated around the house, and I have always been a proponent that a man has to feel that his work is being appreciated! And that goes for self reward!! I mean, the sole purpose of working is to get what you really want out of life! Working all the time just for money, and not being able to spend said money on things that make you happy just ain't right! You do whatever you have to to keep the peace and go about your parts buying moving forward! If it's a big purchase, just tell her that it is something you have planned for a while now and why you want to do it now!
I typically have no choice to go above and beyond my responsibility level at home, and am respected for that by my wife! Are we a team?? You bet, we have to be for the kids and each other, and I hope you and your wife are also! In the end, the expense of the motor will be in the past, you'll be happy with your car, and she'll be on to the next thing, whatever that is!! She is a woman after all!! Good luck bro, you're appreciated around here!!! Geof
I typically have no choice to go above and beyond my responsibility level at home, and am respected for that by my wife! Are we a team?? You bet, we have to be for the kids and each other, and I hope you and your wife are also! In the end, the expense of the motor will be in the past, you'll be happy with your car, and she'll be on to the next thing, whatever that is!! She is a woman after all!! Good luck bro, you're appreciated around here!!! Geof
Been married 20 years when we got into this I got tired of her asking me for money each month to pay her car payment.
Short story combined accounts then I paid all her debt off she spends whatever she wants to and I make 3 times what she does , doesn't matter we are married and I love her for what she is .
last week we were driving by the dealership so we stopped to look at some new cars I found a scat pac I liked but wrong color she looked at me said go ahead and order the one you want.
I put both kids through college and saved for retirement made some good investments and life is good.
No secrets when it comes to money and even though I make more its a partnership we never and I mean never argue over money its just money there are more important things in life like being happy.
now that I have turned 55 I realize if your married all things are equal.
Short story combined accounts then I paid all her debt off she spends whatever she wants to and I make 3 times what she does , doesn't matter we are married and I love her for what she is .
last week we were driving by the dealership so we stopped to look at some new cars I found a scat pac I liked but wrong color she looked at me said go ahead and order the one you want.
I put both kids through college and saved for retirement made some good investments and life is good.
No secrets when it comes to money and even though I make more its a partnership we never and I mean never argue over money its just money there are more important things in life like being happy.
now that I have turned 55 I realize if your married all things are equal.
rmchrgr
Skate And Destroy
I can't leave but I would if I could. I was born in the city, I've lived in the NY area my whole life. I'd be outta here too if there was a possibility.
I wouldn't go south, I'd go west. Either way, it ain't gonna happen at least not anytime soon.
skep419
No show, all go!
The girlfriend Tasha and I (thats right girlfriend hahaha) been together for almost 3 years and have separate bank accounts. We also have a daughter (with a different biological father) who is 3 and a son that is 1. She pays for daycare and groceries and I pay the house,cable,electric,gas,water,garbage,insurance,car payment. We ran into trouble when tasha stopped getting child support and was having trouble with her bills. I would just give her money and she would put it on a spreadsheet to pay me back when she got her tax return. Recently our daughter had some medical issues and the credit card got put to use. She's doing better than ever now but tasha had to bring her on couple hundred mile trips once a month. She doesn't want a credit card in her name but she always felt broke and I didn't want her that far away without one so I added her to mine. Every purchase she makes on the card she lets me know. (no need to ask permission) All big purchases we have on a priority list we call the top 5. last year we did the bathroom (didn't have a tub to give the kids baths) She loves to shop for the kids (90% clothes) and I love cars and fishing.
The only time she gets pissed off at my spending is if I spend enough money that I could have bought her a ring. Which I found out when the dart got new wheels and tires. I always reply we could get married right now, lets go down to the courthouse.
The only time she gets pissed off at my spending is if I spend enough money that I could have bought her a ring. Which I found out when the dart got new wheels and tires. I always reply we could get married right now, lets go down to the courthouse.
Married almost 37 years. When the kids were growing up they were priority. I did without the new truck or expensive muscle cars. Now they are grown up. I have my toys and she has her interests. She's retired and I'm almost there. My toys and projects are funded by flipping cars.
I have a stash I call my "MAD" money. It's money that if she knew I had she would be mad.
I have a stash I call my "MAD" money. It's money that if she knew I had she would be mad.
moparmat2000
Well-Known Member
Wow, everyone has different situations or ways to handle things with their significant other. I will give you a rundown on what works for me and my wife.
Well a bit of past history, i was previously married, and divorced. I kept my home, payed out an amount to her that was equal to half of the homes earned equity. She moved on, and i continued with a mortgage as a single man, and built my dream shop in the back yard, something my ex wife was against me doing.
Well i busted my *** at work working 60 plus hours a week during the years i was divorced, and payed off my home . Then i met my current wife and got married. She brought 3 children from.her previous marriage into my home, and we have a child of our own together.
This being said, i provided a nice home for her and the kids. I cover all the bills, except her student loans, and the payment on the van we bought for her use. These expenses plus whatever extra she wants to spend on the kids are her deal. We have a joint checking account, she has her own personal savings, i have my own personal savings. I have my own credit card in my name only, she doesnt want a credit card.
As long as the bills are payed, and nothings getting shut off , and everybody is taken care of, she doesnt ask what i am spending my paycheck on. The boxes come in from all the usual suspects, and get shuttled out to the shop. She just says cheerily, oh honey some parts came for you.
She knows i have an expensive hobby, but knows i am home messing with my stuff in the shop doing something productive and not skirt chasing or drinking. Plus everybody gets their needs met before i take care of my car needs. Family and bills come first, car stuff second. We even split the tax return in half. Yes i make more at my job than she does, but she has 3 wonderful kids that are deductions she brought into the home when we got married plus our little boy, so it evens out.
I hope some of this helps
Matt
Well a bit of past history, i was previously married, and divorced. I kept my home, payed out an amount to her that was equal to half of the homes earned equity. She moved on, and i continued with a mortgage as a single man, and built my dream shop in the back yard, something my ex wife was against me doing.
Well i busted my *** at work working 60 plus hours a week during the years i was divorced, and payed off my home . Then i met my current wife and got married. She brought 3 children from.her previous marriage into my home, and we have a child of our own together.
This being said, i provided a nice home for her and the kids. I cover all the bills, except her student loans, and the payment on the van we bought for her use. These expenses plus whatever extra she wants to spend on the kids are her deal. We have a joint checking account, she has her own personal savings, i have my own personal savings. I have my own credit card in my name only, she doesnt want a credit card.
As long as the bills are payed, and nothings getting shut off , and everybody is taken care of, she doesnt ask what i am spending my paycheck on. The boxes come in from all the usual suspects, and get shuttled out to the shop. She just says cheerily, oh honey some parts came for you.
She knows i have an expensive hobby, but knows i am home messing with my stuff in the shop doing something productive and not skirt chasing or drinking. Plus everybody gets their needs met before i take care of my car needs. Family and bills come first, car stuff second. We even split the tax return in half. Yes i make more at my job than she does, but she has 3 wonderful kids that are deductions she brought into the home when we got married plus our little boy, so it evens out.
I hope some of this helps
Matt
Steves65
Well-Known Member
I know this won't work for everyone...but my wife grew up with my vert...it was her Dad's....so I rarely get questions...I'm sure if she didn't have that sentimental attachment it wouldn't be the case...which is why I'm OK with putting more into this one, than I would pay if I just went out and bought one that was finished
dart64gt
Well-Known Member
If all you guys make it to 50 years married you are doing something right
65-440
Well-Known Member
me and mine have joint accounts, easier that way. Bills are paid and kids clothed and fed. Luckily for me, my wife and kids are a big part of my car hobby. almost every weekend in the summer we are in the dart driving somewhere, sometimes pretty far away. She has a good time and has made some really good friends out of it. She has been wanting a car of her own to drive, So when I work on the coronet she says NOTHING ! there are times she practically forces me to buy parts, I refuse because I am reluctant to spend large amounts at one time but she insists on making the order. When I was buying stuff for the dart she never complained, she knows its expensive but she enjoys the outings. hell, she pretty much does all the planning for car shows and registrations ..... I just wrench on them and drive ( until hers is done ! )
moparspares
Well-Known Member
If there's one thing I have learnt is that if you have a shitty Bathroom and Kitchen and you want to spend money on a car It just aint going to work for your wife.
Get the Bathroom and Kitchen done and it will ease the pressure on what you want want to do on your car. If you work on your own car you have some ability to do some of the reno work on your house yourself.
My wife and I have money that goes into an account to pay mortgage, bills and groceries and we have a weekly allowance each that we spend on what we want. No questions asked how each other spends their allowance money.
Get the Bathroom and Kitchen done and it will ease the pressure on what you want want to do on your car. If you work on your own car you have some ability to do some of the reno work on your house yourself.
My wife and I have money that goes into an account to pay mortgage, bills and groceries and we have a weekly allowance each that we spend on what we want. No questions asked how each other spends their allowance money.
breakstuff
Well-Known Member
My wife is more into cars than I am, she couldn't care less what I spend. In 22 years she's never gave me a reason to not trust her or to hide anything from her.
I think this post is funny when you see people posting about : wife 1, wife 2, wife3, wife 4, wife 5,....... I think maybe after divorcing wife #2 it's time to step back and look into the mirror.
You will never hear me ***** about my wife, I'm thankful that there is someone out there that loves my overweight, hairy, grouchy ***.
I think this post is funny when you see people posting about : wife 1, wife 2, wife3, wife 4, wife 5,....... I think maybe after divorcing wife #2 it's time to step back and look into the mirror.
You will never hear me ***** about my wife, I'm thankful that there is someone out there that loves my overweight, hairy, grouchy ***.
as the old indian said, don't judge me till you walk a mile in my mocassins????!!!! LOL really??
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