my wife confuses me

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Heck, it's a normal thing. My wife was watching Oprah one day when she was talking having to pass gas. So, if it's good enough for Oprah then it's good enough for America. Shoot, we all let it rip in my house. When people are over or when we eat we what till everyone is gone.
 
needsaresto said:
Are you married to my wife?

Dont worry it's not you thats confused...

Papaya enzyme will help. You will still fart,just wont smell.
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no, no no...i want to know what to do to make them smell worse....here she comes, gotta go....
 
demon seed said:
The term "for better or for worse" sticks in my mind for some long ago reason. My puppy let's those silent ones go every once and while and they'll make your eyes water, I swear, then the wife blames me. That was until the other night when he let one fly while sitting on her knee and damn near killed her.:-D:-D:-D
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Reminds me of a joke...:fart:
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there." The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he sh!ts on you!
 
Deny it...Just say it was the A-hole behind you.
:bootysha:
 
demon seed said:
The term "for better or for worse" sticks in my mind for some long ago reason. My puppy let's those silent ones go every once and while and they'll make your eyes water, I swear, then the wife blames me. That was until the other night when he let one fly while sitting on her knee and damn near killed her.:-D:-D:-D
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Comedian Buddy Hackett once said "Women don't fart. Although they're sometimes near a dog that does."
 
inkjunkie said:
no, no no...i want to know what to do to make them smell worse....here she comes, gotta go....
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I made my wife gag to the point of nearly vomiting on night while in bed. She had her head under the covers and just couldn't resist it. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. We had homemade chili that night.
 
I blame the dog. I can be 3,000 miles from home, and I still blame the poor dog. Sometimes my Wife will jokingly scold the dog before I can even pass the blame.... 8)
 
you guys are .............awesome Now I know how I'll get out of the gurlie's office party......HeHeHeHeh....:cheers:
 
Galactic_eyes said:
I made my wife gag to the point of nearly vomiting on night while in bed. She had her head under the covers and just couldn't resist it. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. We had homemade chili that night.
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a former co-worker of mine, Paw, managed to make his wife puke twice. But Paw could bring a tear to just about anybodies eye. Sure do miss that guy. He would often pin another co-worker into a small confined area and just assualt him. Paw was proud, used to like going to get something to eat in places that had hard chairs and just bark them out, and then blame his grand kids....
 
memike said:
Less inkjunkie :cheers: have your wife try beeno or something like that :read2: It helps and it is at your grocery store where the been's came from :happy10:
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wheres the fun in that? i like to sneek them out and blame the dog. lol, only catch is if youre watching the dog. Everytime he does it he looks at his butt.
 
we have 2 african greys, and they are both chatter boxes. there new thing now is one of them will ask "you got to fart"? and the other will say No. i sit on a wooden chair when i am using the computer, and will often let them rip while sitting here. the one bird has figured out how to mimic the sound and then will let loose a real sinister sounding laugh.
 
Hmmmmm Ernie, maybe I'll try that. There's always a lot of eye-watering going on around here and they AREN'T coming from me.

The living room, bedroom, computer room, hallway, kitchen, dining room, basement and shop are all hereby designated as Fart Free Areas. Billy can have the bathroom to let 'em rip.

Boy we talk about some strange things here on FABO ...............
 
scoot439 said:
Reminds me of a joke...:fart:
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there." The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he sh!ts on you!
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And afterwards, while on the way to the movies, he feels another huge ball of gas working it's way to his rectum. He remembers one road he can take that has a wooden plank bridge, and figures the noise of the wooden planks will cover up the sound of the fart, so he turns down the road. While going across the bridge, he releases the most foul smelling air biscuit known to man, but his date does not hear it due to the wooden planks, she just smells it seconds later. In the silence, he figures out he better make some conversation. He says, "So, have you seen today's newspaper??"

To which she replies, "No, but if you stop the car, I can find you some leaves to wipe with!!!!!"


Zing

FF
 
ask her why you should grin and bare it when you can FART and share it
 
in case i forget

IMG_2338.jpg
 
inkjunkie said:
Hey Dreno, I read your comment to Ernie, my wife. She wants to know if you enjoy your own stench? How about your wife, does she enjoy your stench??
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Not too sure what you mean.The comment was not directed at your wife,it was a simple comment to maybe add to the humor of the thread.I'm sorry if it came across the wrong way.
 
I used to give the old lady the "Dutch Oven", which for the unknowing out there, you punch out a nasty fart(now this is while the 2 of you are in bed), then pull the covers up over her head and hold her under trapped in the "***-euse gas"

FF
 
DRENO said:
Not too sure what you mean.The comment was not directed at your wife,it was a simple comment to maybe add to the humor of the thread.I'm sorry if it came across the wrong way.
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it did not come across the wrong way, not at all. she was just wondering if you or your wife enjoys the aromas?? Ernie claims she does not, but I think she really does and just is afraid to admit to it....when i first met Ernie she would make me chorizo/egg burros for lunch, and when mixed with diet pepsi the ride to work in the little ranger we had at the time was always an event...
 
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