goodbye guys, gonna have to call it quits.

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moparmat2000

moparmat2000

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Ok, do for the last 3-4 years my wife and i have both worked. Her on the weekends, myself during the week. This left me caring for 3 our 3 young kids every weekend. I collected up parts for my project at this time. Well i finally payed the house off, and the agreement was that i would be able to spend weekends in the shop working on my project. This goes on for 4 weekends, nevermind the fact that i help out around the house during the week. Now i get the "you know it sucks that you get to do what you wsnt every weekend" guilt trip. This is what we both agreed to. She knew i was getting tired of playing the weekend Mr mom, so we agreed once the house was done, i get my shop time on the weekends. Now this has become a source of argument. So today she says why dont you go work in your shop. I look at her , laugh and say, "no, because if i do it will be a bone of contention with you" . So whats running in my mind is her telling me i got weekends back after all this time of not being able to work on my project, then you complain about it, so i guess shes got to deal with me being a miserable bastard in the house every weekend. Because i cant get anything accomplished, Then i wont be out in my shop where it pisses her off. What really pissed me off was being told i was child like. I told her, i have payed this house off twice. At 46 years old make sure the bills get payed on time, and we have food for everyone to eat, what the hell more do you want.

BTW this is my second wife. I payed out my first in a divorce. Kept my home, had to refinance it, and just payed it off a second time. I think i am just gonna go to work to a.demanding, stressful job, come home and be miserable every weekend since i am now not allowed time to de stress it seems.

Goodbye everybody its been fun.
Matt
 
Ah. Don't let this little bump in the road make you want to call it quits. I play Mr Mom too but I enjoy my car time in little spurts.
 
Dude: sorry to hear about your situation. Marriage is hard and there has to be compromise. Not gonna slam her here, three kids and a job are a lot to handle for a woman. Sometimes you just gotta tell them how it is, she knew who you were when she married you, and you both made the paid for house deal. Hold her to it and let her grit her molars. You will resent her to an unhealthy point if you guys cant work this out. A guys gotta have his thing and if yours is cars, let it be cars!
My $00.02 unsolicited comment. DR:???:
 
I was always told never to get married. Sorry to hear about your situation.
 
I am no expert at this Matt, but I think maybe you better think this through a little more. A relationship where things are defined, like "I get to work in the shop all weekend every weekend", is going to get rough. I'm not a marraige counsellor or anything close to it, but I do know that both halfs have to work at it and work hard. I know you thought you were getting the dirty end of the stick and as a male you did just what most of us do, you said that's what I bargained for so I will live with it. I know from experience the female mind does not work that way. As soon as they feel that they are getting the bad end of the stick, ie: no help from you on the weekends, the resentment will start to build and finally you get to the situation you are at now. Have a good long talk with her, not arguing, but talking. I think you both can probably give a little on this one. Maybe work on the car when you can on the weekends and at night when nothing else is going on. Marriage is a constant of give and take. Make sure you both know that and things will go a lot better and maybe you can still work on your car and drop in here once in a while.

But, then again, I might be full of ****.

Jack
 
my EX told me that one time....

in my opinion , people that bash people for wanting a little alone time are completely insecure and co dependent. misery loves company
 
Why not put it this way:

Would she rather you spend time out in the garage where she knows were you are and what you're doing, or in bars chasing women....

Let her choose....
 
in 32 years I never ask, never had to. the duty was/is clear.
raised 3 sons along the way, with the help of my soul mate.
 
Matt get ready sounds like you will get to pay off that house a third time. Its going to be a lot tougher though as you will be paying child support. Sounds like you two need a marriage counselor. Your in trouble brother!
 
Hang in there Bud. We would hate to lose you here, but your family does come first. Marriage is a give and take agreement. I've found sometimes it takes a little more give to keep "everyone" happy. Don't do the "miserable" thing. It will just ruin your day too and you know it wouldn't be fair to the kids.
 
I think I am learning that a confrontation about the problem is not the answer. Once the other's defense is on guard, there isn't any reception on the other side when telling the problem. Emails/texting neutralize the emotion. Good luck and God bless brother, I go through a version of this myself to some extent. No one outside of FABO and a few others really understand this hobby or passion. They want us to submit as the masses and "sell it and buy a Camry." They say man cannot live on bread alone.
 
Marriage is a compromise, so try to work out a solution that works for both of you! How about one day out of the two, or a punch out time earlier Saturday that gets you two together for a nice dinner and a movie on Saturday evening, and gives you some time on Sunday as well??
 
Last kid is mine, the others are step kids. The house was payed off thru a 401k loan back prior to her moving in. I just finished paying back the 401k loan. House is listed in tax rolls as paid prior to her moving in and us getting married. Texas law anything owned prior to marriage is incontestable in court. She knows she would have to move if it came down to that. This isnt what i want. I just want some time in the shop to de stress every week.
 
krazykuda said:
Why not put it this way:

Would she rather you spend time out in the garage where she knows were you are and what you're doing, or in bars chasing women....

Let her choose....
Click to expand...

That's what I tell my wife when ever she gives me the gears about spending too much time out in garage..
 
cosgig said:
Marriage is a compromise, so try to work out a solution that works for both of you! How about one day out of the two, or a punch out time earlier Saturday that gets you two together for a nice dinner and a movie on Saturday evening, and gives you some time on Sunday as well??
Click to expand...

Dude there are times I just say **** it and bail on everything and spend time with the wife....blows her away.
 
Matt, my wife of 23 years this week acts the same way sometimes. My kids are 15 and 21 though. I think she gets jelous of the car. So sometimes I just quit working on it for a few days. There has been times where I've went several weeks without even touching it. You have to make them feel special and not like they are 2nd place. Been married 3 times. But like I said the last one stuck. 23 years so far.
 
When I got my motor home I spent quite a bit of time in the garage trying to make the next milestone. In the excitement of seeing the finish line on this phase of my project I unknowingly neglected my wife. She begin to feel like the car was more important to me although it was such a short time. I am now making sure to spend my weekends doing something with my wife and little one after all, family is definitely more important. This way when I want to take a little time to work, there's not a problem. Compromise is definitely the way. Take a weekend off and do something to make her feel special and do this often.
 
Airing your private life in public is not the answer.
 
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