goodbye guys, gonna have to call it quits.

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greymouser7 said:
No matter how true that could be, you are not helping his dilemma with your insight.

Either help, remain in the background, or continue causing problems...
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Totally disagree. I love you John, but if this guy decides to air his dirty laundry in public, then he needs to be prepared for ALL comments. I am all for supporting our Mopar brothers and all that hooha, but there are some things I would not post here.

Jes sayin.
 
Once upon a time my wife was pissing and moaning to an older woman about my spending too much time "playing with" my muscle car. She told her to stop complaining because she knew exactly where I was and what I was doing. My wife caught on. Life's good.
 
while at cruizin'thecoast last year a guy was wiping on a nice chevelle and his wife which was a looker said she told him "If he rubbed on her a$$ half as much as he did that car his marriage would be a lot better"
 
Marriage counseling. You two aren't making it work on your own. And you both were in previous marriages that didn't work. Either y'all are doing something wrong, or you're just not compatible.
 
My girlfriend two years ago listened to me talk very fondly of a 72 duster I once had. She gave me 3k to start looking for another. Two months later I found one two hours south. She came with and approved. We rented a car trailer and truck and she followed me home. She said it should have a 4 on the floor! I agreed. I found one north two and a half hours away, but I was busy with work. She drove almost to Seattle to get it for me/us. (Everything is ours!) We got married two months ago. Yesterday we went to Macy's and I helped her pick out a new dress and jacket, and today I bought a dana 60.
I never ever buy a part for the car unless I talk about it with my best friend (jayne)
Always - give - n - take - share !
 
greymouser7 said:
No matter how true that could be, you are not helping his dilemma with your insight.

Either help, remain in the background, or continue causing problems...
Click to expand...

Causing problems....where do you get that ? So what am I supposed to do....pat him on the back and tell him it will all be ok? Go read a few of his posts...this is a long time ongoing problem....I repeat ....they both need to grow up. I will no longer "cause any problems" on this thread
 
I've got a marriage and divorce behind me. Got a good woman and two kids that call me step dad. I wouldn't trade a minute with them for a minute in the shop. Which means I spend a lot less time in there then I used to. I foresee that changing when they're both old and gone. Family first. If they are stressing you out that much, work on the relationships so they don't. I'm hoping you mean you're ditching the cars. Because if 8 hrs a week are costing your marriage and family - you got a lot of work to do OUT of the shop.
 
i don't know.. i'd much rather spend time with my little girl or other half then play with the cars.

i don't do much in the way of working on the cars anymore.. every once in a while i have to do a some work to get them ready for something we plan on doing with them but for the most part weekends off are spent running to karate practice,soccer games and kids birthday parties.. wouldn't change it for anything.. how can ya not want to spend time with the kids??

better watch it. you'll be single again and the kids will not like you very much the way you are going.

have you looked at it from her side at all? i know i encourage jamie to go out with friends when she has the opportunity because everyoen need adult time. once a year me and jamie do ocmd. gets our car **** out of the system. gets us alone time because th edaughter is with her grand parents for a few days.. she is happy to spend time with her grand parants getting spoild, the grand parents are happy to spend the time with their only grand kid and we are happy to just come and go as we please and interact with just adults and have our alone time.. its like a date week..:)

you have to find a way to make her and the kids happy while squeezing some time in for yourself. an entire weekend every weekend is kinda being greedy if you ask me..

good luch. sounds like you are going to need it.
 
I have a little different view of this.
Sounds like you thought you had an agreement.
And she now isn't living up to it.
This means in all future such agreements you need to get your needs met first.
 
I am so happy to be among some guys who not only love their cars but also have them in perspective of the greater good. Ain't no car worth the sacrifice of a relationship. doing what you can do to put the needs of another first will always pay off in the end (unless you do it solely for the pay off) Wanting and working for a relationship is a matter of personal character. The car is, when you boil it down only a piece of machinery.
What they say about you and your car at your funeral is not nearly as meaningful as what they say about the way you treated your wife & kids.
Hoping you get it straightened out before it's too late.
 
We have talked today about her getting some time to herself during the week for a break from the kids to decompress. She said she doesnt resent the fact that i need time to myself, but rather needs time for herself as well. We both came to a new agreement that weekends = family time, and she will get some alone time maybe 2 evenings during the week, and i will get some alone time in the shop maybe 2 times during the week. With my hours i am home by 4pm.

She has told me she realizes that i need longer time in the shop as sometimes its hard to get into a project thats time consuming if you only have a few hours a week to work on it.

Thank you everybody for your insight , and suggestions. I dont think anybody can exist in a vacuum.

Matt
 
Good to hear that you´re trying to solve the problem by talking about it, there is no other way out.
 
First off, I agree that this is NOT the place to air your laundry. If you do, you need to be prepared to hear conflicting opinions, and possibly some stuff you didn't bargain for.



In reading the OP, I didn't see anything mentioned about you and your wife Spending time together away from the house, and the kids. It takes more than "you have your time and she has hers".

A night out ( just a few hours) for drinks together, or a few hours for a movie, with just the two of you, or just supper alone, and away from the kids and the house. It doesn't take much, believe me.

My kids are long gone. My youngest is married this weekend. We still find, at least 3 or 4 nights a month that we can do something, TOGETHER.
My wife and I call it "date night". I asked her what she would like to do together. We do all those things I already mentioned, and about a month ago, she asked my if I would go for dance lessons with her. The class is an hour a week, and it's right down town. I'm not a dancer, and I don't like to dance, but it's not a very big sacrifice either, and it makes her very happy.
...and it let's me get "lucky" lol
We will be married 39 years in January.

PRIORITIES: There is absolutely nothing that is worth more to me than my family. PERIOD. NOTHING. They come first, everything else, including hobby cars, and parts, homes, or what ever comes sometime after that.
 
Frankie said:
First off, I agree that this is NOT the place to air your laundry. If you do, you need to be prepared to hear conflicting opinions, and possibly some stuff you didn't bargain for.



In reading the OP, I didn't see anything mentioned about you and your wife Spending time together away from the house, and the kids. It takes more than "you have your time and she has hers".

A night out ( just a few hours) for drinks together, or a few hours for a movie, with just the two of you, or just supper alone, and away from the kids and the house. It doesn't take much, believe me.

My kids are long gone. My youngest is married this weekend. We still find, at least 3 or 4 nights a month that we can do something, TOGETHER.
My wife and I call it "date night". I asked her what she would like to do together. We do all those things I already mentioned, and about a month ago, she asked my if I would go for dance lessons with her. The class is an hour a week, and it's right down town. I'm not a dancer, and I don't like to dance, but it's not a very big sacrifice either, and it makes her very happy.
...and it let's me get "lucky" lol
We will be married 39 years in January.

PRIORITIES: There is absolutely nothing that is worth more to me than my family. PERIOD. NOTHING. They come first, everything else, including hobby cars, and parts, homes, or what ever comes sometime after that.
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X2 yes Frankie makes sense ( sometimes ! ) ha

i'm glad, like everyone else here, you are finding a solution. and yes read Frankie's comments again. so true.
like you said, you needed to air these problems out. if problems continue to arise, I suggest a good counselor. and that necessarily can't in it self fix everything.
to get along with some women, the guy may need to be a mind reader, a phychologist, and at times a magician and a saint!??? ha
bottom line is, if you two do not share the same hobby, she will see it as taking away from her place in your life.
women with kids have harmones that can go 'off and on " AND mess with their logic. they many times need alone time. time with just their friends and family.

like others have mentioned, put family first, and let your interests/time find a reasonable place in LIFE.

( if my comments are worth $$$ please send " attention to my CAR FUND"!!)
good luck.
 
One very good point Frankie also made is to make time together without the kids, and I would suggest that you both agree on trying something totally new to both of you that you can try together! I too have never been a dancer, but the wife and I took Cajun dance lessons and have gone to the Cajun dance hall at Wheatland for the past 2 years! It's amazing how much fun we have together doing something that we both learned at the same time, not one showing the other something or trying to get each other involved in the others interests, just 2 friends having fun trying something totally new!!

I always tell the wife that she needs a hobby, a night out by herself that doesn't involve me, going to the bar, or somewhere else where trouble could arise! Women need their alone time just as much as men, and it will pay off in spades if she can do something to decompress as mentioned above! Glad to hear you're talking it over and working together to come to a solution that works for you both!! Way to go!!!
 
cosgig said:
One very good point Frankie also made is to make time together without the kids, and I would suggest that you both agree on trying something totally new to both of you that you can try together! I too have never been a dancer, but the wife and I took Cajun dance lessons and have gone to the Cajun dance hall at Wheatland for the past 2 years! It's amazing how much fun we have together doing something that we both learned at the same time, not one showing the other something or trying to get each other involved in the others interests, just 2 friends having fun trying something totally new!!

I always tell the wife that she needs a hobby, a night out by herself that doesn't involve me, going to the bar, or somewhere else where trouble could arise! Women need their alone time just as much as men, and it will pay off in spades if she can do something to decompress as mentioned above! Glad to hear you're talking it over and working together to come to a solution that works for you both!! Way to go!!!
Click to expand...

The reason i didnt mention doing something together without the kids, as in a date night is 2 fold. First off rightfully so she does not trust babysitters. We have a 16 year old a 9 and 8 year old, and a 3 year old. The reason i didnt initally mention our 16 year old in the equation is she is either at school or her part time job. Our 8 and 9 year old used to gang up on her, and would never listen. So having her watch the kids for us even with us paying her it ends in disaster.

And 2, Trying to run a household of 6 and all this entails on one income pretty much kills my whole paycheck. I usually have nothing left after everything gets payed. My wife sits down with me and we do the bills together every 2 weeks. She sees what comes in, and what goes out. When she was working and there were 2 checks coming in it eased the financial burden, and we would try to occasionally make date night. Again the results when we got home with our oldest watching the middle 2 ( the youngest was put in bed before we would leave ) usually made my wife upset as it was like the lunatics running the asylum, and the house would be trashed. She would yell at the kids, and her and i would pick up the house and make it presentable again.

To be honest the middle 2 kids are 16 months apart, and its a full on power struggle with these 2. Its like a constant full throttle pissing contest. I have never seen or heard more hateful venom directed at each other than from these 2 kids.

My folks would love to babysit and give us some breaks, however they live 2,000 miles away, and my mother in law lives an hour and a half away. We have no other relatives close by or any friends she trusts to babysit.

When my wife was working outside the home, i had the foresight to be able to collect up parts needed, so even though now money is tight, i have a lot of what i need to progress without needing to spend money we dont have right now.
 
I know I'll get ROASTED for this but....It sounds like someone needs to grow a pair. There is no reason why you cannot have some car time. Maybe your wife could develop a hobby herself. In any healthy marriage, you both should have nice quality time together AND some time individually. Yes, I do this for a living. I see couples in therapy.
 
roadrunnerh said:
I know I'll get ROASTED for this but....It sounds like someone need to grow a pair. There is no reason why you cannot have some car time. Maybe your wife could develop a hobby herself. In any healthy marriage, you both should have nice quality time together AND some time individually. Yes, I do this for a living. I see couples in therapy.
Click to expand...

We are working on each of us having our alone time. Having couples time looks like an impossibility right now, please read my last post.
 
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