12 Dad jokes

[Dartnut]

Two old maids were at a baseball game.
There was an empty whiskey bottle beside them.
What was the status of the game?
It was the last of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. i just found out i'm color blind. the news came completely out of the green. 2. i hate russian dolls. they're so full of themselves.

 

[Dartnut]

When the 400 pound opera singer fainted on stage, it took 4 men to carry her out.
2 abreast.

 

[Dartnut]

Two friends Mr. Stone and Mr. Wood were walking side by side down a city street.
A beautiful girl walked past them.
Stone turned to Wood, and Wood turned to Stone, and the girl turned into a dress shop.

 

[joel d. snyder]

here we go ....1. my teachers told me i'd never amount to much since i procrastinate so much. i told them " just you wait." 2. i got a new job last week as the top dog at old macdonald's farm. i'm the new c-i-e-i-o.

 

[Dartnut]

There was a snake that was so poor that he didn't have a pit to hiss in...

 

[Dartswinger70]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?" "Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels

Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired

I just got hired at a company that makes bicycle wheels!! I'm the spokesperson

Are these already added to the list?

 

[Dartnut]

A giraffe walks into a bar.
He said to everyone, ''the highballs are on me!''

 

[Dartnut]

I gave my handyman 6 jobs.
He only did 1, 3, and 5.
It turns out that he only does odd jobs.

 

[Dartnut]

There was a sign above the urinal.
''Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinal, they get soggy and are too hard to light.''

 

[Dartnut]

And there was a sign in the golf club's shower.
''Please don't wash balls in shower, use wire brush instead,''

 

[joel d. snyder]

greetings earthlings......1. what do you call a lazy kangaroo? a pouch potato. 2. where's the best place in america to shop for a football uniform? new jersey.

 

[Yunick13]

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. do you want to hear a construction joke? i'm still working on it. 2. what do you call a snowman with a sixpack? an abdominal snowman.

 

[Dartnut]

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam...

 

[joel d. snyder]

well here it is, the end of the second hundred of these you've endured uh enjoyed ....1. why were the early days of history called the dark ages? because there were so many knights. 2. a woman walked into a library and asked if they had any books on paranoia. the librarian replied " they're right behind you."

 

[Dartnut]

What did they give Tickle me Elmo before he left the factory?
Two test tickles.

 

[Dartnut]

One lady asked the other: ''Is your husband broad minded?''
Her answer was: ''Yes, that's what he constantly thinks about...''

 

[joel d. snyder]

on with the show...1. what do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? a chicken sees a salad. 2. what do you call someone with no nose and no body? nobody knows.

 

[Dartnut]

How do you make an elephant float?
You combine a half glass of root beer with 2 scoops of ice cream and add one medium sized elephant.

 

[Dartnut]

What did the Chicken say when it saw a plate of scrambled eggs?
What a bunch of mixed up kids...

 

[joel d. snyder]

today's entries....1. what do you call an elephant who doesn't matter? an irrelephant. 2. what candy can you eat on the playground? recess pieces.

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. where do old bowling balls end up? in the gutter. 2. the toilet at the local police station was stolen. police have nothing to go on.

 

[ProjectBazza]

1. where do old bowling balls end up? in the gutter. 2. the toilet at the local police station was stolen. police have nothing to go on.

Ok, that second one deserves a groan!



Thank you for posting these! I really do look forward to them!

 

[Yunick13]