12 Dad jokes

[Yunick13]

 

[joel d. snyder]

ok.....1. what do you get when you cross a pine cone and a polar bear? a fur tree. 2. why is history a sweet subject? because it has a lot of dates.

 

[Yunick13]

 

[joel d. snyder]

today's entries......1. why does poop never win the race? because it's always number two. 2. did you hear about the underwater snooker player? he was a pool shark.

 

[Dartnut]

What ever happened to ignorance and apathy?
I don't know, and I don't care.

 

[abdywgn]

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.
Together, I can beat schizophrenia.
“DO NOT TOUCH” must be one of the most terrifying things to read in braille.
If there’s one thing that makes me throw up, it’s a dart board on a ceiling.
It’s quite ironic that “strap on”, backwards, spells ‘no parts’.
The word “misread” can be misread as “misread”.

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. what do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you? pick them up and roll them back to her. 2. knock, knock. who's there? spell. spell who? w-h-o.

 

[Dartnut]

What's the worst thing looking on a woman?
A drunk.

 

[Dartnut]

Squirrels are remarkable animals.
In fact, they are the only animals in the world that can run up a tree with their nuts in their mouth...

 

[joel d. snyder]

and....1. knock, knock. who's there? a herd. a herd who? a herd you were home so i came over. 2. what happened to the plant in the math class? it grew square roots.

 

[Dartnut]

What's better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.

 

[joel d. snyder]

evening....1. what do you call a bear with no teeth? a gummy bear. 2. why was 2019 afraid of 2020? because they had a fight and 2021.

 

[Dartnut]

An Owl and a Goat got married.
And on their wedding night, they had a Hootenanny.

 

[joel d. snyder]

happy friday ....1. why couldn't the pirate play cards? because he was sitting on the deck. 2.why do melons have weddings? because they cantaloupe.

 

[Dartnut]

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?
Nothing. It's on the house...

 

[Ahoey]

What did the pig say when the farmer caught him by the tail? Well that’s the end of me.

 

[joel d. snyder]

ok, here we go.....1. knock, knock. who's there? will. will who? will you open the door? 2. where do baby cats learn to swim? the kitty pool.

 

[Dartnut]

Where would you learn how to make a banana split?
At sundae school.

 

[joel d. snyder]

moving on....1. what's an astronaut's favorite part of the keyboard? the space bar. 2. how did the basketball get wet? the players were dribbling with it.

 

[Dartnut]

You know when you're getting old when you can't take ''yes'' for an answer.

 

[Dartnut]

Which church has the most shotgun weddings?
Winchester Cathedral.

 

[Yunick13]

 

[Yunick13]

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. the easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast. 2. what happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together? the lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running. and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

 

[Headintheclouds]

Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.

And the french chef who took his own life. He lost the huile d'olive