12 Dad jokes

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back once again....1. how much did the shopkeeper sell his dead batteries for? nothing, they were free of charge. 2. what do santa's little helpers learn at school? the elf-abet.
 
joel d. snyder said:
can't answer that one. that is your homework assignment
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Hey ya go Dad, can I go out and play now ?


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  1. I wonder if the arachnophobia support group has a web site.

    Shout out to the people wondering what the opposite of in is.

    Not gonna lie, I sleep standing up.

    When my daughter asked me if trees poop I told her that’s how we get number 2 pencils.

    My wife and I are both feminists. But as a man, I’m a tiny bit better at it.

    When I noticed “HI” in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend and then I saw the next two letters.

    Shouldn’t tank tops offer more protection?

Thanks Brad
 
diymirage said:
Hey ya go Dad, can I go out and play now ?


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good job, son, yes, you may. i do know that one now you have refreshed my memory. i'm old you know. 1. why do ducks have tail feathers? to cover their butt quacks. 2. why did nose not want to go to school? because he was tired of getting picked on.
 
1. what did my dad say when i handed him his 50th birthday card? you know, one would have been enough. 2. i wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger. then it hit me.
 
  1. A 9 year old girl has vanished after using a revolutionary new cream which makes you look 10 years younger.

    I got my wife a new fridge, I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it!

    Everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

    I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof.
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot is made legal nationally, he’ll be rolling in his grave.

  1. Ihave a chicken proof lawn…It’s impeccable.

    Humans are scared of hippos because they’re violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, that’s just being hippocritical.

Thanks for the jokes Brad!
 
  1. Never date a tennis player, love means nothing to them.

    The Police Officer told me he was looking for a man with one eye and I told him he should use both eyes and he’d find him a lot quicker.

    Turns out, a wooden stake to the heart, kills normal people too.

    “How many people does it take to change a light bulb?” is just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse.

    I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

    I hate it when I’m texting, I get rudely interrupted by a cyclist bouncing off my windshield.

    I don’t know how to act my age, I’ve never been this old before.
 
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