12 Dad jokes

[Dartnut]

What's a shotgun wedding?
It's a matter of wife or death...

 

[Dartnut]

What would a fly order at a fancy restaurant?
The Poop du Jour.

 

[joel d. snyder]

ahem...1. why don't eggs tell each other jokes? they'd crack each other up. 2. why did the toilet seat cry? because she got dumped.

 

[Ahoey]

The man that invented the thong shoe was French. His name was Phillip
Philop

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. how do you make a coastal rower feel better? give them some vitamin sea. 2. i took part in the suntanning olympics, but i only got bronze.

 

[Dartnut]

I was sitting on the toilet this morning when suddenly the Grim Reaper appeared.
I said: ''What do you want?''
He said: ''I'm sorry, I thought somebody died in here.''

 

[Dartnut]

What do you call a Moose with no name?
Annonomoose.

 

[joel d. snyder]

evening troops....1. we argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier, but it was getting late so we decided to call it a knight. 2. what did the poop say to the fart? you blow me away.

 

[Dartnut]

''I'm certainly cutting a fine figure here!'' said the chorus girl as she sat on a broken bottle.

 

[Dartnut]

Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail?
He was charged with battery...

 

[joel d. snyder]

couple minutes of friday left....1. what did the skeleton drive to the hockey game? a zam-boney. 2. what's the best way to burn 1,000 calories? leave a pizza in the oven.

 

[Dartnut]

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
''Do you believe in people?''

 

[Dartnut]

What's green and goes: Slam Slam Slam Slam?
A 4 door pickle.

 

[joel d. snyder]

race fans - hot rodders .....1. what do monkeys sing at christmas? jungle bells. 2. why do magicians do well at school? because they're good at trick questions.

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. what are scientists favorite dog breeds? labs. 2. if you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? big hands.

 

[joel d. snyder]

well, guys, i've used up 300 of these. the good (or bad) news ,depending on your perspective, is that i only have 100 left......1. what did the beaver say to the tree? it's been nice gnawing you. 2. what did the ghost teacher say to his class? look at the board and i'll go through it again!

 

[joel d. snyder]

next...1. most people are shocked when they find out how bad i am as an electrician. 2. i was driving past a playground the other day. y'know, slides i can get on with, but i go back and forth on swings.

 

[joel d. snyder]

howdy, folks ....1. what language do oranges speak? mandarin. 2. what's forrest gump's password? 1forrest1.

 

[abdywgn]

No joke. Happy Birthday Dartnut!
Hope your day goes as you wish and the birthday cake/ice cream is shared among friends
(no calories that way)

 

[missing linc]

No joke. Happy Birthday Dartnut!
Hope your day goes as you wish and the birthday cake/ice cream is shared among friends
(no calories that way)

Well, hot damn, I didn't know that it was Tom's birthday!
Happy Birthday buddy, hope it's a good one!

 

[jeff alder]

How are Dad and Xanax related? They both work the same way forward or backward.

 

[joel d. snyder]

what's the difference between ignorance and apathy? i don't know and i don't care. 2. how do moths swim? using the butterfly stroke.

 

[joel d. snyder]

yay, it's saturday.....1. what does a raincloud wear under her dress? thunderwear. 2. why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee? because he drank it before it was cool.

 

[abdywgn]

Brad's back to sending jokes, so here they are for you to enjoy or groan over:

1. Say what you want about waitresses but they bring a lot to the table.
   I grew up just a stone’s throw away from where that whole family died of mysterious head injuries.
   Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.
   Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence, often goes undetected.
   You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
   Good punctuation is a sentence that’s well written and bad punctuation is a sentence that’s, well, written.

 

[joel d. snyder]

hi, guys ....1. i'd teach you about astronomy, but it's way over your head. 2. if athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? mistle-toes.