airplane tech gripes

-
crvtec90

crvtec90

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2007
Messages
656
Reaction score
142
Location
Jacksonville Florida
UPS .......
>
> Just in case you need a laugh:
>
> Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a
>
> high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly
> routinely in our jobs.
>
>
>
> After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
> correct the problems, document their repairs on >the form, and then pilots
> review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
> ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
> complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
>
> recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
>
>
>
> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
> accident.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit
>
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
>
>
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>
> S: Live bugs on
>
> back-order.
>
>
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>
> descent
>
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
>
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>
> S: Evidence removed.
>
>
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
>
>
>
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
>
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>
> S: Engine found on right
>
> wing after brief search.
>
>
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>
> S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>
>
> P: Target radar hums.
>
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
>
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
>
> S: Cat installed.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> And the best one for last..................
>
>
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>
> pounding on something with a hammer.
>
> S: Took hammer away
>
> from midget.
>
>
>
 
My Dad was a jet engine mechanic for allegheny airlines, turned to Us air then uS Airways.
For 40 years ,all he did was ***** about those greedy pilots and the greedy CEO's, and the union did not do a darn thing for him.
Now that he is retired, he does not do anything with his time, very sad.
 
Along the same lines, I used to work with an older guy who flew during WWII. He always told us how reassuring it was to realize he was flying planes 'built by the lowest bidder'!
 
These are my two favorites:

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Sorry to hear about your Dad cuda.
 
Mopardude said:
These are funny as hell but I find it hard to believe they are real.
Click to expand...

Most likely not, but entertaining nevertheless. Must be your no nonsense German heritage coming out. :)

I only say this because my grandfathers oldest brother became the first mayor of a small town in Nothern WI. It was 1912 IIRC and he owned a bar too. And yes, i'm German.
 
ramcharger said:
Most likely not, but entertaining nevertheless. Must be your no nonsense German heritage coming out. :)

I only say this because my grandfathers oldest brother became the first mayor of a small town in Nothern WI. It was 1912 IIRC and he owned a bar too. And yes, i'm German.
Click to expand...

God I hope i am not like my German relatives! LOL I only say they don't seem real because if one of these planes crashed and the feds go looking at the logs and see this. Many heads would roll if you know what I mean.
 
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a
>
> high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly
> routinely in our jobs.





I am a Airline Jet mechanic, and you need more than a HS diploma to work on these aircraft.This includes recurrent training every year,working in harsh weather,holidays,weekends ect.
Then I listen to morons like you insult my career.
I laugh at half the A-Bodys I see at the car shows put together by experts like yourself.
 
bandit, I believe that the first part of this joke refering to just having a HS diploma is just that, a joke. I'm sure no offense was intended and was not put there by the original poster, just copied from an e-mail.
 
ramcharger said:
bandit, I believe that the first part of this joke refering to just having a HS diploma is just that, a joke. I'm sure no offense was intended and was not put there by the original poster, just copied from an e-mail.
Click to expand...

exactly. i fix cars 4 a living and when people come in with strange complaints and wierd noises i tell them " there is a loose nut between the steering wheel and the seat." the reference to education levels was to imply that the pilots were sooooo educated yet wrote a lot less intelligently than u would expect. we can all learn a lot from the techs in this joke who were able to make the best of an awkward situation. nuttin but luv 4 u guys.
 
My father fixed jets for 10 years and flew them for over 20. One item on the checklist he REFUSED to conduct was (and I am not making this up) measuring the wings. He justified skipping this item by inspecting the condition of the wingtips concluding that if any part of the wing was missing it was most likely lost off of the end!

-LY
 
"You can teach a monkey to fly a plane but a monkey could never fix one..."

To get my Canadian AME (Aircraft Maintenance Engineer) license, I took two years full-time in college and then worked a 48 month apprenticeship. After that, I wrote 8 Transport Canada technical exams and finally a long Canadian Air Regs (CARS) exam to earn my license.

And yes, I've seen and heard some doozies from whiney drivers!
 
ramcharger said:
Most likely not, but entertaining nevertheless. Must be your no nonsense German heritage coming out. :)

I only say this because my grandfathers oldest brother became the first mayor of a small town in Nothern WI. It was 1912 IIRC and he owned a bar too. And yes, i'm German.
Click to expand...

Are you in the USA on a tourist Visa or a Green card,
or are you an American of German Ancestry?? ;)

I am American, I was born in the USA. :)

http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/troosevelt.asp
 
cavemanmoron said:
Are you in the USA on a tourist Visa or a Green card,
or are you an American of German Ancestry?? ;)

I am American, I was born in the USA. :)

http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/troosevelt.asp
Click to expand...

Technically, "America" consists of Canada, the U.S., Mexico, Brazil, etc.

I am a U.S. citizen of German, Austrian, Hungarian and Irish ancestry. I am proud to an U.S. Mutt! lol! I remember my Grandmother (Austrian) speaking fairly broken english who had come to the U.S. in the late 1800's. She was 96 when she died in 1978. I was 12. I wish I had listened more intently to her stories, she really had some good ones.
 
Mopardude said:
These are funny as hell but I find it hard to believe they are real.
Click to expand...

I should take some from my list of "Gripes and problems" from where I work. I also have the same sense of humor when it comes to addressing these complaints and problems on the list.

I inspect, test and repair trains. I'm a (Railroad) Roadcar Inspector.
 
those actually made me lol :).
these are the best
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level
 
Iwas a jet mech in the Airforce with a GED and about 6 month training
I was more scared to fly after I found out what most aircraft mech were like
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
-

Back
Top