How To Speak "Woman-ese"

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ocdart

ocdart

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A friend sent me this by email this morning. Thought y'all might get a kick out of it...

Dictionary for Women's Personal Ads
40-ish = 49
Adventurous = Slept with everyone
Athletic = No boobs
Average Looking = Ugly
Beautiful = Pathological liar
Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure = On medication
Feminist = Fat
Free Spirit = Junkie
Friendship First = Former very "friendly" person
Fun = Annoying
New Age = Body hair in the wrong places
Open Minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate = Sloppy drunk
Professional = *****
Voluptuous = Very Fat
Large Frame = Hugely Fat
Wants Soul Mate = Stalker

Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I am sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead = You better not
Do what you want = You will pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Men's English
I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay


And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstural cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However, when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in gasoline and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a broken 2x4 stuck up his backside.

Now send this to a man who needs a laugh or a woman with a sense of humor!!!
 
That's Great! Thanks for sharing... lol

I need to figure out what happenned to my scissors, that gas can and the 2x4 I had next to the gas can.....
 
Ya left out "thick"


THICK: Legs and *** so big I can't get through a door
 
I would send it-but I don't know any women that would take that as a joke.But I sure liked it!!!!!
 
why is this in the "jokes" section?
someone move it to the "tech" or "help" section
 
ocdart said:
A friend sent me this by email this morning. Thought y'all might get a kick out of it...

Dictionary for Women's Personal Ads
40-ish = 49
Adventurous = Slept with everyone
Athletic = No boobs
Average Looking = Ugly
Beautiful = Pathological liar
Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure = On medication
Feminist = Fat
Free Spirit = Junkie
Friendship First = Former very "friendly" person
Fun = Annoying
New Age = Body hair in the wrong places
Open Minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate = Sloppy drunk
Professional = *****
Voluptuous = Very Fat
Large Frame = Hugely Fat
Wants Soul Mate = Stalker

Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I am sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead = You better not
Do what you want = You will pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Men's English
I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay


And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstural cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However, when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in gasoline and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a broken 2x4 stuck up his backside.

Now send this to a man who needs a laugh or a woman with a sense of humor!!!
Click to expand...



I think you have this all wrong !!! You really only need two words in your vocabulary to get along with women !!!


Yes Dear !!!
 
6pakattack said:
I think you have this all wrong !!! You really only need two words in your vocabulary to get along with women !!!


Yes Dear !!!
Click to expand...



Oh, believe me...I know those two words very well! I explain it to all those younger and still dating as "the secret words necessary to always have the last word with your woman."

I told someone that a few years ago and he replied, "Really? I thought it was 'Shut up, B**ch'".
Turns out he'd been married four times already and his fifth was shaky. Anyone wonder why?
 
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