I am really gong through a rough time emotionally and in all areas right now and need someone to tal

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I see I must be in a better situation, as I have work, but an excess of work is as stressful as no work, which I experienced for 2 months this year.
Heavy work, then divorce, then "layoff", then selling the house, moving out, being homeless a while, selling cars I wanted to keep, getting another job that gives no days off....what a year this has been. I may have the debts paid off by the time the snow melts.
But I am still lost without spending my daily life with my children. I feel useless in many ways, because I could not work had enough to keep all this from happening.
I feel like nothing but bad awaits me every day, and work guarantees a daily disaster, or yesterday's leftover disaster.
I wish I could at least help put a new heater in your truck.
 
dustermaniac said:
not working right now, living in my truck with no heat and not really wanting to live right now. I just want to be with Dee
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sent you a pm with my number if you wanna talk. Can't seem to sleep tonight anyway. As for your heater in the truck, what's wrong with it?
 
Nevermind. I tried to post a response but my computer kept hitting enter by itself. I will type something out in word pad later and post it all at once.

Praying for you Tom.
 
Tom, you post a thread asking to talk to someone and then tell David he didn't help? Goddammit Tom, we've all been here for you. Donating time, parts and money for you because we all love you.

We all know you are in a really bad place and harsh as this may sound, you ain't cornered the market on bad places. There's only one person who can really help you. You.

Here you come on here talkin about wanting to be with Dee........an obvious reference to killing yourself. That's pretty selfish, don't you think? You still have family here in this world. Would Dee want you to desert them? I bet not. We don't, either.

At some point in life, Tom has to pull himself up by his own bootstraps. No one else can do that but you. We all love you here Tom and that's why I am saying all this. But it has to come from within you, not somewhere else.

I am sorry you are as low as you are right now. And although you may not want to hear it, there ARE people worse off. I am sure there are a lot of people who would love to have a van to live in. We all could always be worse off. Sometimes that's hard to see, but it's true.

David didn't have to call you but he took time to do it.......and you tell him he didn't help? Is that how you feel about all of us here on the forum? I surely hope not. You have a lot of people here who love you , Tom. Don't take that for granted.

Kitty and I have never stopped praying for you, Tom and we wont. We love you Tom. So does your daughter. I don't know what the answer is, but it's not telling your friends they don't help, when the exact opposite is true.

Have you considered seeking professional help? There's no shame whatsoever in that. I am sure your area has free services in that field. Might be something to look into. It has helped me in the past.

Take care Tom. We all love you and we're all pulling for you.
 
Rob, I commend you for your courage and tact in helping Tom.
Tom, I hope you'll consider Rob's wise counsel.
 
RustyRatRod said:
Tom, you post a thread asking to talk to someone and then tell David he didn't help? Goddammit Tom, we've all been here for you. Donating time, parts and money for you because we all love you.

We all know you are in a really bad place and harsh as this may sound, you ain't cornered the market on bad places. There's only one person who can really help you. You.

Here you come on here talkin about wanting to be with Dee........an obvious reference to killing yourself. That's pretty selfish, don't you think? You still have family here in this world. Would Dee want you to desert them? I bet not. We don't, either.

At some point in life, Tom has to pull himself up by his own bootstraps. No one else can do that but you. We all love you here Tom and that's why I am saying all this. But it has to come from within you, not somewhere else.

I am sorry you are as low as you are right now. And although you may not want to hear it, there ARE people worse off. I am sure there are a lot of people who would love to have a van to live in. We all could always be worse off. Sometimes that's hard to see, but it's true.

David didn't have to call you but he took time to do it.......and you tell him he didn't help? Is that how you feel about all of us here on the forum? I surely hope not. You have a lot of people here who love you , Tom. Don't take that for granted.

Kitty and I have never stopped praying for you, Tom and we wont. We love you Tom. So does your daughter. I don't know what the answer is, but it's not telling your friends they don't help, when the exact opposite is true.

Have you considered seeking professional help? There's no shame whatsoever in that. I am sure your area has free services in that field. Might be something to look into. It has helped me in the past.

Take care Tom. We all love you and we're all pulling for you.
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Tom - this is right along the lines of the PM I sent you - I may not have said it in quite so many words, but it IS exactly what I was trying to say... you have made it clear and acknowledged that you are in need of help.. PLEASE, GO GET IT.
 
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tom adding You to my prayers, I know the loss of loved ones all to much :( in prayer ask for strength to carry on, pray for others in need and give thanks and all will work out in time. Yes it will take time
 
Three weeks to go until the most important holiday of the year.


Today upon a bus I saw a lovely maiden with golden hair;
I envied her—so beautiful, and how, I wished I were so fair;
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle;
She had one foot and wore a crutch,
but as she passed, she wore a smile
Oh God, forgive me when I whine,
I have two feet –the world is mine
And when I stopped to buy some sweets,
the lad who served me had such charm;
he seemed to radiate good cheer, his manner was so kind and warm;
I said, “it’s nice to deal with you, such courtesy I seldom find;”
He turned and said, “Oh, thank you sir.”
And then I saw that he was blind.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine,
I have two eyes, the world is mine.
Then when walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue;
He stood and watched the others play,
it seemed he knew not what to do;
I stopped a moment, then I said,
“Why don’t you join the others, dear?
He looked ahead without a word,
I realized –he could not hear.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine,
I have two ears, the world is mine
With feet to take me where I’d go,
with eyes to see the sunsets glow,
with ears to hear what I would know,
I am blessed indeed.
The world is mine Oh God, forgive me when I whine.



By the President of the United States of America.

A Proclamation.

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God ...............................
In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the City of Washington, this Third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the United States the Eighty-eighth.

By the President: Abraham Lincoln


 
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Tom,
Even though I don't know you, I will pray for you today. I wish that I could do more for you. We all have Peaks and valleys in our lives and sometimes The Valleys are very deep and seem very hard to get out of. Many of us here know that first hand and some of us are dealing with issues right now that many others don't know about. Overall, life is good and can be great but sometimes it can be a struggle. attitude is everything. Sometimes I have trouble dealing with daily life in existing from day to day, but I see a counselor every couple of weeks and I believe I'm on a good path. I hope that you seek and find the same help and get over this mountain and find peace in your existence.
Your life may be changed forever, but it's not in a bad way. It's just hard to see that right now. For the very few on here that know me, they know that I am paralyzed from the waist down and have been using a wheelchair for the past 28 years.
Yesterday was the anniversary of my injury, and some years it is harder to take than others, but I still get through it. Life is good and I am doing well alone and in my own. With friends family and God, I am never truly alone.
 
You've been on my mind and in my prayers a lot lately Tom! Although I don't have the magic elixir or secret answer to your needs, I will offer this! I believe Rob is right, this is within you and needs to come out! You need to face this head on, like your enemy, but not with disdain for your predicament, but with pride and determination to honor Dee and your family!

I offered this bit of advise to a friend recently, who was going through a very rough time much like your own! He had lost his last remaining family member, and a very close mutual friend of ours had committed suicide around the same time! He was lost, and worse, had turned to drinking himself to death to ease the pain! It was all too easy to stay stuck in the rut that life had thrown in his path!! My advise was this....

Get up, get out, and do something you've never done before!! Get out of your comfort zone, and occupy your mind by having to learn about something totally new to you! Spend the time learning how to do it, and dig deep! Don't settle for good enough, or a half hearted effort from yourself, you are much better than that! Take the time to really learn, to keep your mind focused on learning something you've never done, it will do wonders to refocus your life, and put you in a place that you may find honors both Dee and your family, and rewards your soul!!

Did it work for my friend?? He was in retail, and is an amazing musician....now he works construction, has a company van, and more importantly, has found new determination not to slip back into his old way of coping! Yes, he's slipped a couple times, but his new boss understands who he was, and who he is now, and is very supportive of his efforts! He never worked with his hands before, and never so much as assembled anything, but has had his new job for almost 2 years! I don't hear from him much anymore, a biproduct of his new life, but I'm OK with that!! He knows where I am if he needs me,

And I would put that out to you as well!! We're here if you need us, and reaching out here in this thread is your first step! You may not like what you hear, but it's coming from people who really care!! We have great confidence in you, and in God to take your hand when you need it most! He is a forgiving God, and knows you can get through this with dignity, determination, and a little help along the way!! My prayers will continue that you will take each step one by one on your path, looking back but moving forward!!! Geof
 
Waggin said the very things I was thinking. It made me feel good for him to hear the way he is coping with his very own tragedy. I lost my wife in an accident 23 years ago and had to deal with this myself. You have to be thankful for the time you had together and dwell on the positives. Praying for you Keep your chin up and you will make it
waggin said:
tom adding You to my prayers, I know the loss of loved ones all to much :( in prayer ask for strength to carry on, pray for others in need and give thanks and all will work out in time. Yes it will take time
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Not trying to get into anyones' business here......but Curtis and Tom, yall have both been through some terrible stuff recently. Maybe you two could talk to each other and maybe do each other some good.

Just a thought.
 
RustyRatRod said:
Tom, you post a thread asking to talk to someone and then tell David he didn't help? Goddammit Tom, we've all been here for you. Donating time, parts and money for you because we all love you.

We all know you are in a really bad place and harsh as this may sound, you ain't cornered the market on bad places. There's only one person who can really help you. You.

Here you come on here talkin about wanting to be with Dee........an obvious reference to killing yourself. That's pretty selfish, don't you think? You still have family here in this world. Would Dee want you to desert them? I bet not. We don't, either.

At some point in life, Tom has to pull himself up by his own bootstraps. No one else can do that but you. We all love you here Tom and that's why I am saying all this. But it has to come from within you, not somewhere else.

I am sorry you are as low as you are right now. And although you may not want to hear it, there ARE people worse off. I am sure there are a lot of people who would love to have a van to live in. We all could always be worse off. Sometimes that's hard to see, but it's true.

David didn't have to call you but he took time to do it.......and you tell him he didn't help? Is that how you feel about all of us here on the forum? I surely hope not. You have a lot of people here who love you , Tom. Don't take that for granted.

Kitty and I have never stopped praying for you, Tom and we wont. We love you Tom. So does your daughter. I don't know what the answer is, but it's not telling your friends they don't help, when the exact opposite is true.

Have you considered seeking professional help? There's no shame whatsoever in that. I am sure your area has free services in that field. Might be something to look into. It has helped me in the past.

Take care Tom. We all love you and we're all pulling for you.
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This is coming from a man and wife that have FOUGHT their share of demons! Well said Rob.
 
RustyRatRod said:
Not trying to get into anyones' business here......but Curtis and Tom, yall have both been through some terrible stuff recently. Maybe you two could talk to each other and maybe do each other some good.

Just a thought.
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Yup...think this a very good idea. Tom, this is obviously none of our business but why are you ot living with your daughter in your old place? Have you had a falling out of sorts?
 
inkjunkie said:
Yup...think this a very good idea. Tom, this is obviously none of our business but why are you ot living with your daughter in your old place? Have you had a falling out of sorts?
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I wanted to ask too....I THINK it is because he cannot stand the house without Dee. But Tom, I bet your daughter has tat same feeling. Yall could be a big comfort to each other. You should reconsider, IMO.
 
There aren't any magic words for those feeling the loss. I am happy your getting help. Your not alone. My mom passed two weeks before her favorite holiday, Christmas. My dad was 69, and they were married 50 years. He dedicated his life to her and had not been alone since he was 19. I am hundreds of miles away and he talks of the lonely dinners, quiet house. He is hurting a year later but is doing a little better. He will never be the same, but with loved ones around, we all call and stop by and keep an eye on him and try to keep old customs going, and do what we can. It is not easy, and we are all lonely and feel the loss. We had to remind him, we felt the loss too, maybe not in the same degree, but he was not alone.
 
Start hitting the temp agency's. They may not get you work in appliance repair, but they can usually put you to work. Working will help get your mind off your troubles at least for part of the day.
I started my latest job as a temp, and then got hired. The work I'm doing is a huge change from what I've done the last 30 years so it was a bit of an adjustment. But now I have a new career and will stay till I retire. You never know where god will open a new door for you.
Hang in there, were all pulling for ya.
 
Tom I know you have a physical problem too.....I think it was your hand? Think of this. you would be a good sales man for appliances. You know which ones are good and which ones are not. That's experience customers can rely on and employers would be glad to have. Just a thought.
 
RustyRatRod said:
I wanted to ask too....I THINK it is because he cannot stand the house without Dee. But Tom, I bet your daughter has tat same feeling. Yall could be a big comfort to each other. You should reconsider, IMO.
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That makes sense, I suppose. But all things considered....
Years ago I attempted suicide. Loaded .357 in my mouth, pulled the trigger. Gave the firearm to a friend. In a twist of irony my buddy never unloaded it. several years later he loaned me the gun. Took it out to the desert. That round had a dent in the primer. It fired...Hmmm....I was in a very dark place. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it. I don't have a problem with folks that commit suicide.
But I will say this...it is obviously a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Will Dee ever return? Of course not. But how you feel about her passing sure will. Will you ever stop missing her? Stop loving her? Nope...but at the same time what will your daughter be put through?
For the longest time I was very upset that the firearm didn't fire. But not anymore. I realized that my life will move on.
Tom, seek help. I am not religious but if you are then you have an option. I would lean more towards psychiatric help....but that is just me. But please don't do anything our of hurt. When my life fell apart around me I didn't see anyway out. But thanks to a very good head doc, a caring friend or two and of all things a Tattoo artist I was able to put it all behind me.
Have lost more than one acquaintance o suicide. Walked in on one of them when he had a 12 gauge under his chin...twice....and convinced him to not pull the trigger. Third time I turned my back on him....and he went thru with it. Will never forget facing his folks at his funeral...trying to explain why I turned away from him. The pained look on his Moms face will haunt me forever.
As others have said...only you can help yourself. Having the fire knocked from your *** sucks...Apologies for rambling...
 
I have been an absolute mess since Dee died. As for Gina, she is angry at the fact that Mom is gone also and is dealing with her own form of depression. I have on several occasions tried talking with Gina about seeking counseling without success. I made the stupid mistake after Dee died of meeting a woman who basically came on very strong to me when I was at my weakest and vulnerable. And I fell really hard and fast for this woman who was so caring in the beginning and let down my guard and ended up moving in with her. Fast forward three months later and I have found out that she is not the caring person who I thought she was but instead a very evil bi polar witch who is very self centered and hurtful. But now she has put me out in my truck in the cold and I am just a mess inside. I know I'm better off without her in my life but I am not good with being alone. Gina I feel is angry that I left and moved in with this woman so soon after Dee died, but she was looking for a place with her boyfriend and was filling out application after application for rentals and leaving application fees and losing money. So since my lease ran out in August and I figured why not just let her take over the house and contents minus what I took. So now I am still dealing with the very strong grief of losing Dee and also a broken heart on top of that. I was working for Choice Home Warranty and got screwed out of over $2500 in completed calls and do not think I will ever see a penny from them. And all this combined has just left me feeling very hopeless and alone. Gina will not talk to me, (I've tried)And to be honest with the holidays just around the corner the desperation and loneliness and hurt have just consumed me. I am trying to pull myself out of this but I cannot seem to do it or just do not know how to. And loneliness is really hard. I feel very alone. That's why I just want to be with Dee. The feelings of overwhelming despair are constantly there.I am in a very deep, deep depression right now. As for the truck it is a 2001 Ford F150. I cannot get any heat out of the heater. Thought the blend door was stuck, ended up cutting into the heater /AC box with a dremel behind the glove box. Blend door is working, but heater core is ice cold despite both heater hoses hot to touch. No coolant loss, New radiator, water pump, thermostat, Clutch fan, upper and lower radiator hoses, serpentine belt, tensioner, and lower manifold.
 
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Bad things happen, to us all. It's hard not to feel overwhelmed when water is pouring in the boat and no land can be seen. However, it's not always "what" happened, but "how" we respond. I fully understand you feeling everything you described. However, Dee didn't choose to leave life. You shouldn't either. Doing nothing but dwelling on the negatives will leave one hopeless. Listen to uplifting music, attend church, seek employment (even part time), find something that will be a glimpse of hope, a bright spot, something to build upon, something to occupy the mind. I meant what I said in my PM to you, because I believe it works.
 
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