Bigdummy
Not a Nova
If they don't talk to ya Birthdays and Christmas is cheaper on ya
should i feel this way about fathers day
- Thread starter moparmat2000
- Start date
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My son's are a split'n image of myself, when I was in my twenties.
So tommorow, Dad and I will be eating steak. them burgers. lol
I was selfish before I became a father, iust a little now.
So tommorow, Dad and I will be eating steak. them burgers. lol
I was selfish before I became a father, iust a little now.
my feeling is , for a family to be able to share life together, its good and bad, is what will help mold us. finding the passion or the one thing in life that is our children's true love.... is the key. then to be able to share that with them to whatever degree is feasible.
work and time does not always allow us to be there for them every time, but when we can, it shows how we care. their passion is not always affordable or doable, but their interests can be nutured with our help. I look back and see the mistakes I have made. I guess we all have no doubt ,somewhere, somehow...
father's day??? how is it NO retailer never made it a day life Christmas or Easter??? if it had been, lets face it, the family would be handing you a 340 fersh engine all wrapped up with a bow!!????? or at least a greasy used old Mopar part!??????
work and time does not always allow us to be there for them every time, but when we can, it shows how we care. their passion is not always affordable or doable, but their interests can be nutured with our help. I look back and see the mistakes I have made. I guess we all have no doubt ,somewhere, somehow...
father's day??? how is it NO retailer never made it a day life Christmas or Easter??? if it had been, lets face it, the family would be handing you a 340 fersh engine all wrapped up with a bow!!????? or at least a greasy used old Mopar part!??????
NtUrMomsDart
Member
Sometimes, no matter how well the thought we did as a parent, it's seems like it's never good enough. I have a 25 year old son and a 19 year old daughter and have yet to hear from either of them today. I would like to say this surprises me, but it doesn't. It's the same story every year. When I think about what I have done for them, it really puzzles me as to why things turned out the way they did. I made it to every fooball practice, track practice, every game both home and away, countless dollars spent on my son. I took my daughter to every one of her color guard practices, band camp, competitions, etc. She is in college now and I have a generous amount of every paycheck loaded onto a visa card so she won't have to get a job while she is in school. She has never even said "thanks". I raised them both to be thoughtful and considerate, or at least I thought I did. Like I said, sometimes we can do our best and it's just not good enough. I will be surprised if I get so much as a text from either of them today. I'm going to spend my day working on my Dad's 69 Road Runner doing things to it that he has been wanting to do but isn't able anymore. He says he wants to get it back on the road so the can enjoy driving it before he goes to, in his words, the "Great Dragstrip In The Sky". I'm going to help him do just that!
kids are like colts, everyone is different.
I was raised by working parents. I knew that we got by, that's it. I never asked for anything. they made sure I had food to eat, respected people and life. when I was little, I knew my mom took me to the clothing stoe before school started, charged it all to her "store" account, and I took her all year to pay for those few jeans, shirts, and socks!! in hs i worked at grocery store after school and sat. pa gave me an old 49 chevy so I didn't have to walk. when I was 12, he bought me an old horse, because he knew how bad I wanted it. my aunt gave him the price of it. I worked and got scholarship for college. majored in ag, so i'm NO rocket scientist.
oldest daughter was raised like me, we had more but was raised with same priciples. she worked her way thru college twice. in h s worked at Walmart after school and weekends, other daughter worked at Dairy Queen. I got a card and email. I guess what i'm saying to those that have children, that have not yet grown into adults, is that tough times are not necessarily a bad thing.. and when we give them our time, it is with love ......NOT their entitlement?
and for children that have grown into adults, I hope each and every one of them, if not already aware, will realize what their parents did to raise them.
life is never easy and is always complicated.
I was raised by working parents. I knew that we got by, that's it. I never asked for anything. they made sure I had food to eat, respected people and life. when I was little, I knew my mom took me to the clothing stoe before school started, charged it all to her "store" account, and I took her all year to pay for those few jeans, shirts, and socks!! in hs i worked at grocery store after school and sat. pa gave me an old 49 chevy so I didn't have to walk. when I was 12, he bought me an old horse, because he knew how bad I wanted it. my aunt gave him the price of it. I worked and got scholarship for college. majored in ag, so i'm NO rocket scientist.
oldest daughter was raised like me, we had more but was raised with same priciples. she worked her way thru college twice. in h s worked at Walmart after school and weekends, other daughter worked at Dairy Queen. I got a card and email. I guess what i'm saying to those that have children, that have not yet grown into adults, is that tough times are not necessarily a bad thing.. and when we give them our time, it is with love ......NOT their entitlement?
and for children that have grown into adults, I hope each and every one of them, if not already aware, will realize what their parents did to raise them.
life is never easy and is always complicated.
goldfish65
Well-Known Member
Never expect anything (i.e. gratitude) from people, then you can't be disappointed.
Frankie
Member #9641
You can feel anyway you want to about Father's day. It's your prerogative to think and feel how ever you like.
Personally, I enjoy the hell out of it. When the kids were little, Mother's day and Father's day was a bigger deal for them, than it was for us.
The had to make me breakfast in bed ( even though I was up before them every day, lol), they had to buy the gifts they gave us with money that they saved, themselves. Usually just a few dollars each, so my wife would take them to the local "dollar" store and let them pick out 4 or 5t things each to buy.
Fact is, even though those things were pretty useless, I still have them, and my youngest kid is now 30 years old. As they got older, the gifts got better, and more thoughtful.
Now they're grown, moved out of state, and have lives and families of their own, and I find that a card, and a phone call from them on Father's the be the most enjoyable gift of all.
My wife still gives me breakfast in bed (and I'm still up before her). She also takes me out to lunch at the restaurant of my choice, and makes me the supper of my choice. She always has a card and a gift for me, too.
I'm truly blessed.
My Dad died in 1970, some 45 years ago. I was 20 when he passed. I sometimes wonder if I made him feel as good on Father's day, as my kids make me feel. I hope so.
Personally, I enjoy the hell out of it. When the kids were little, Mother's day and Father's day was a bigger deal for them, than it was for us.
The had to make me breakfast in bed ( even though I was up before them every day, lol), they had to buy the gifts they gave us with money that they saved, themselves. Usually just a few dollars each, so my wife would take them to the local "dollar" store and let them pick out 4 or 5t things each to buy.
Fact is, even though those things were pretty useless, I still have them, and my youngest kid is now 30 years old. As they got older, the gifts got better, and more thoughtful.
Now they're grown, moved out of state, and have lives and families of their own, and I find that a card, and a phone call from them on Father's the be the most enjoyable gift of all.
My wife still gives me breakfast in bed (and I'm still up before her). She also takes me out to lunch at the restaurant of my choice, and makes me the supper of my choice. She always has a card and a gift for me, too.
I'm truly blessed.
My Dad died in 1970, some 45 years ago. I was 20 when he passed. I sometimes wonder if I made him feel as good on Father's day, as my kids make me feel. I hope so.
moparmat2000
Well-Known Member
Not trying to be a dick, but why dont you shut off the tap for awhile, maybe then with her having to get a part time job and work her *** off to pay her own way for awhile, maybe she would appreciate you a bit more.
My 16 year old wanted to go visit her half sister in Orlando Fla. This month. I am an airline employee, so we get flight benefits as a perk. Even so, trying to fly to a resort city in summer time is gonna be hard. Everything is booked, and as stand by you are never guaranteed. Even so i got her a flight to go visit her sister for 3 weeks. Not even a thank you. I didnt have to take time to list her on a flight as a standby, and pull strings to get her there. I already told my wife, im not asking for the kid to kiss my ***, but when she gets back from her trip if i dont get a decent thank you from her for doing her that favor, she better save her cash and buy herself a ticket next year if she intends to fly to visit her sister.
I cant stand rudeness, or a sense of entitlement that some people think they have the right to have, just because they merely grace us with their presence. That sense of entitlement i believe starts when people are children and how their parents raise them.
I believe the words please and thank you go a long way when you want something. The lesson this kid is gonna learn from this will be an eye opener especially when she finds out how much a round trip ticket is gonna cost her.
sorry you feel like that ....Happy fathers day
440magnum
Well-Known Member
When I was in my 20s-30s was dying to have a kid. Having seen a lot of the results glad I was passed by.
magnumdart
There is a bad moon on the rise.
Personally I think what you just wrote is the perfect description of being a real father. When your kids are six they won't appreciate you the way you want them to because they are too young. However, they really do appreciate you in their way. Raising a family in this country is getting to be more and more difficult, so your success speaks volumes as to your character. My father was one of the most crazed people on the planet and I feel fortunate just to have survived him. The bullet holes he put in my Roadrunner are proof of that. He even found his way into a book I partially wrote.In the end he did not survive himself and he shot himself. My first wife died at the age of 21 leaving me with two girls in diapers one nine months old. Difficult is just a nice word to describe my early years. Now they are grown and all have kids of there own. I take the grandkids on vacation with me, I have one of them with me in Las Vegas right now. I may never get my b-body done, or have my life back, but I'm good with it. Every day is special and I am a father on all of them, so the special day is no big deal for me. I don't require a pat on the back for doing the right thing.
msaund69
Cold-Member
Right off I want to apologize if I come off as a jerk.
By the time I was 25 we had 3 awesome kids and were living in a 100 year old house with an out house. No toys, too many bills and an empty fridge. 4th awesome kid by 30. Still no toys but indoor plumbing now. 30 years down the road awesome kids, fantastic wife and a few toys. Nicer house too. It's all about what's important. If it's stuff you want, you shouldn't have had kids. Too bad for them.
My 4 adult kids came over, made me breakfast then took me to a car show. Being a Dad for me is freaking awesome!
By the time I was 25 we had 3 awesome kids and were living in a 100 year old house with an out house. No toys, too many bills and an empty fridge. 4th awesome kid by 30. Still no toys but indoor plumbing now. 30 years down the road awesome kids, fantastic wife and a few toys. Nicer house too. It's all about what's important. If it's stuff you want, you shouldn't have had kids. Too bad for them.
My 4 adult kids came over, made me breakfast then took me to a car show. Being a Dad for me is freaking awesome!
My father walked out on us over 35 years ago and he had 1 year old daughter with another women before he even left us. He never looked back and fought as hard as possible to pay as little as possible. He was never there for myself or my sister while he was taking care of my brother/step mother and half sister. i called and wished somebody else s father a happy fathers day and not my own.
while he was providing them a comfortable home with steady meals and the security of knowing where there next meal was coming from and knowing they had a bed ( in a warm home with electricity)to sleep in every night.
my mom/sister and myself were sleeping in a car/eating raw onions and washing up in streams and rivers. we had nothing but each other . so today when i called and wished a happy happy fathers day it was to somebody else s father and not my own
so while i am not even allowed at my fathers house because my stepmother and half sister don't like me and i feel some of what you feel. i absolutely loved today for these reasons.
my step daughter is 17 and lost here dad to cancer when she was 6 and he was sick long before that so she does not remember much about him as anything other that when he was sick.
this was here face book status today
and this was on the fathers day card she gave me
so for my own crap with my father i hate the day but when the people (the most important ones) make me feel loved and wanted its all worth it.
while he was providing them a comfortable home with steady meals and the security of knowing where there next meal was coming from and knowing they had a bed ( in a warm home with electricity)to sleep in every night.
my mom/sister and myself were sleeping in a car/eating raw onions and washing up in streams and rivers. we had nothing but each other . so today when i called and wished a happy happy fathers day it was to somebody else s father and not my own
so while i am not even allowed at my fathers house because my stepmother and half sister don't like me and i feel some of what you feel. i absolutely loved today for these reasons.
my step daughter is 17 and lost here dad to cancer when she was 6 and he was sick long before that so she does not remember much about him as anything other that when he was sick.
this was here face book status today
and this was on the fathers day card she gave me
so for my own crap with my father i hate the day but when the people (the most important ones) make me feel loved and wanted its all worth it.
adriver
Blazing Apostle
In the first place, one of your problems could be that you work for an airline.
I speak from long experience. We could have a talk.
No wonder your general attitude is bad.
Secondly, if you have teenagers you will be amazed.
You are stupid right now. When they get older you will become a genius.
This holds true especially for boys.
I have no answers why some children turn out "good" and some "bad" from the same parents.
Genetic temperament and birth order maybe.
But if your children want to play the blame game and blame you for what they do wrong they must also give you credit for what they do right in life.
That was what I told them.
Father's Day and particularly Mother's Day.
By making one day special does it not devalue other days?
I speak from long experience. We could have a talk.
No wonder your general attitude is bad.
Secondly, if you have teenagers you will be amazed.
You are stupid right now. When they get older you will become a genius.
This holds true especially for boys.
I have no answers why some children turn out "good" and some "bad" from the same parents.
Genetic temperament and birth order maybe.
But if your children want to play the blame game and blame you for what they do wrong they must also give you credit for what they do right in life.
That was what I told them.
Father's Day and particularly Mother's Day.
By making one day special does it not devalue other days?
Best analogy I ever heard was that having kids was like being pecked to death by hummingbirds.
I raised my daughters pretty much on my own. There were some interesting times but they have turned into beautiful young ladies.
Father's day or not, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I raised my daughters pretty much on my own. There were some interesting times but they have turned into beautiful young ladies.
Father's day or not, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
yea ....I can relate to that
I have found in life that your "father" doesn't always have to be the man you match DNA with.
I am not close to my birth dad and its for cultural reasons as well as choices made by him and me. I wont say anything bad about him nor disrespect or ever talk back to him because he did bring me into the world. Pretty much he lives his life and I live mine.
Back here on the ranch, the one I call my "adoptive" dad has been there for every high and low in my life since I was a teen. He is the cool mopar dad that supported with unconditional love and I am not even genetically related to him.
Its not fair that we cant change our DNA and it just is what it is.
Kids with numbers matching parents really have it lucky even though some don't see it that way.
he is my dad and i love him for that reason but i hate him for what he put my mom and us through and never being there for me. we talk from time to time and see each other even less.
it it what it is and while it hurts and bothers me but i have moved on and realize life is short and i have so many other people that want to be part of my life so i don't have time to waste on the ones that don't.
I waited on a customer and his son yesterday at work. Sold them a water pump and whatnot for his son's first car, a Nissan Frontier truck. They came back several more times getting this and that.....the last time to rent a couple of tools to make sure they could get the harmonic balancer off as they were also replacing the timing belt.
As they left, something just told me to give them one of my personal business cards. I don't "run a business" per say, but I do try to help the occasional person out, so I gave them one.
This morning about 8:15, Father's Day, on my day off, I got a call from the dad saying he was really in over his head with the timing belt and he needed help timing the engine back up. Less than two miles from me in a straight line, so I went over there and timed it up, put the belt on and stuck around to make sure everything was fine.
We got done and he would have it no other way than to give me some money for helping. It turned out good. We got done about lunch time and he had the rest of Father's Day to relax.
It is 8:15 PM here and still have not heard from my own son. I am glad I helped make someone else's Father's Day nice, though.
As they left, something just told me to give them one of my personal business cards. I don't "run a business" per say, but I do try to help the occasional person out, so I gave them one.
This morning about 8:15, Father's Day, on my day off, I got a call from the dad saying he was really in over his head with the timing belt and he needed help timing the engine back up. Less than two miles from me in a straight line, so I went over there and timed it up, put the belt on and stuck around to make sure everything was fine.
We got done and he would have it no other way than to give me some money for helping. It turned out good. We got done about lunch time and he had the rest of Father's Day to relax.
It is 8:15 PM here and still have not heard from my own son. I am glad I helped make someone else's Father's Day nice, though.
moparmat2000
Well-Known Member
Well my wife is at work. She works nights on weekends as a drug and alcohol rehab nurse.
I have 4 kids, my oldest is in Florida visiting her half sister for a few weeks, and my middle 2 spent the weekend at grandmas.
It was refreshing for it to be just me and my son this weekend. He is 2&1/2. We played w blocks, and hot wheels cars, went to church this morning, then to Wendys for lunch. I just put him to bed, so i am now writing this.
The oldest of my middle 2 girls has attention deficit disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder. I think this is the biggest drain on my wife and i. We have her seeing a psychologist, and we also see this woman to help us with her. Still we take it day by day. Insanity in our home with this kid has become the new normal.
If you dont know what oppositional defiant disorder (O.D.D.) is?? Look it up. This goes beyond dealing with a bad kid. The normal punishments just dont work, and make **** worse. We tried the traditional parenting with this one, like we have with our other kids, it just makes it bad. So bad in fact my oldest wants to leave when she turns 18 because of all the crap with her younger sister.
Its like watching the exorcist in real life when she becomes unhinged. I am so jaded by it all now i would not be amazed if this kid spins her head completely around, and spits out green split pea soup. The outbursts and tantrums, the hatred and venom this kid spews out of her mouth directed at my wife, myself, our family when she is having an episode is epic. Then when she calms down she denies saying anything. I love her, but stuff like this makes it just so hard.
My other middle girl, on the other hand is very quiet, shy, and prefers to do quiet solitary activities. She and i recently completed a plastic model kit of a 70 road runner. She loves to sit and do stuff like model kits.
I do everything for my kids. In the end i feel unappreciated. All i want is a bit of time for myself, and to be able to enjoy the other aspects of my life i find enjoyable like my project car. So its not a case as one poster said about me being selfish, or another poster saying nobody put a gun to your head. Its called being able to decompress, or taking a breather, etc.
Sometimes its nice to have a bit of funds and time for yourself, to be able to enjoy other things in life. How many of you deny yourselves time to go shooting, hunting, fishing, or golfing, or any other manly type activities?? I wouldent dare try to walk a mile in anyone elses shoes. The crap we all deal with is different but sucky all the same.
I have 4 kids, my oldest is in Florida visiting her half sister for a few weeks, and my middle 2 spent the weekend at grandmas.
It was refreshing for it to be just me and my son this weekend. He is 2&1/2. We played w blocks, and hot wheels cars, went to church this morning, then to Wendys for lunch. I just put him to bed, so i am now writing this.
The oldest of my middle 2 girls has attention deficit disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder. I think this is the biggest drain on my wife and i. We have her seeing a psychologist, and we also see this woman to help us with her. Still we take it day by day. Insanity in our home with this kid has become the new normal.
If you dont know what oppositional defiant disorder (O.D.D.) is?? Look it up. This goes beyond dealing with a bad kid. The normal punishments just dont work, and make **** worse. We tried the traditional parenting with this one, like we have with our other kids, it just makes it bad. So bad in fact my oldest wants to leave when she turns 18 because of all the crap with her younger sister.
Its like watching the exorcist in real life when she becomes unhinged. I am so jaded by it all now i would not be amazed if this kid spins her head completely around, and spits out green split pea soup. The outbursts and tantrums, the hatred and venom this kid spews out of her mouth directed at my wife, myself, our family when she is having an episode is epic. Then when she calms down she denies saying anything. I love her, but stuff like this makes it just so hard.
My other middle girl, on the other hand is very quiet, shy, and prefers to do quiet solitary activities. She and i recently completed a plastic model kit of a 70 road runner. She loves to sit and do stuff like model kits.
I do everything for my kids. In the end i feel unappreciated. All i want is a bit of time for myself, and to be able to enjoy the other aspects of my life i find enjoyable like my project car. So its not a case as one poster said about me being selfish, or another poster saying nobody put a gun to your head. Its called being able to decompress, or taking a breather, etc.
Sometimes its nice to have a bit of funds and time for yourself, to be able to enjoy other things in life. How many of you deny yourselves time to go shooting, hunting, fishing, or golfing, or any other manly type activities?? I wouldent dare try to walk a mile in anyone elses shoes. The crap we all deal with is different but sucky all the same.
stroked340
Well-Known Member
Your a good man...
Always knew you were a grumpy old fart! What you did is what fathers day is all about.
goldfish65
Well-Known Member
Very nice, helping someone through a job they've never done before is something a good old-fashioned Dad does. And someday he and his son will make that same offer, to help someone out. A years from now, they'll reminisce, "remember that Fathers Day, Rob who worked at the auto parts store came over to help us..."
we have all put out 2 cents worth in, but as I see it, we have failed to recognize the problem you have with the daughter struggling with the O.D.D. years back, we had a friend that her 12 year old daughter had this. I didn't realize what her parents were dealing with till I heard the episode where the daughter went off, and started trying to cut up the family with a butcher knife, ( yes at 12). and yes this was a stable, high middle class family, not a bunch of dopers and such.
all I can say is yes, you do need time for yourself, and whatever "affordable "toys it takes to keep your sanity! I realize many times that word " affordable" is hard to capture in reality!!!
all you can do is " the best you can do" and realize you yourself may not be able to solve every problem. sounds like you are doing all you can for the girl. love her and pray she can come out of it. you undoubtely have an extra burden most of us do not have to bare.
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