Stop in for a cup of coffee

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Nice to have a cup this time of day when I'm home like I am today. I remember growing up, if a neighbor stopped by in the afternoon, my Mom offered coffee.

Sister just called after dropping in at the nursing home to see my Dad (11 hr drive), to let me know he's cheerful...and he was so busy socializing he kind of shooed her away till she comes tomorrow to visit. That's very good to hear. Years ago he moved to a very small town, and built a busy life, we feel bad being far away, but that's where he wants to be and they are keeping him safe and cared for.

There's business to take care of...since he adamantly refused to give anyone power of attorney, we have to bring papers for him to sign.
 
goldfish65 said:
Nice to have a cup this time of day when I'm home like I am today. I remember growing up, if a neighbor stopped by in the afternoon, my Mom offered coffee.

Sister just called after dropping in at the nursing home to see my Dad (11 hr drive), to let me know he's cheerful...and he was so busy socializing he kind of shooed her away till she comes tomorrow to visit. That's very good to hear. Years ago he moved to a very small town, and built a busy life, we feel bad being far away, but that's where he wants to be and they are keeping him safe and cared for.

There's business to take care of...since he adamantly refused to give anyone power of attorney, we have to bring papers for him to sign.
Click to expand...

Suggest you also have a living will made up so his medical needs can be according to his wishes if he becomes incapacited.
 
That's always a tough thing for the parent to decide and even tougher for the kids to deal with. My stepdad had a living will and it was so much easier when it was his time to go. My mom is still around and we talked about a funeral pre-arrangement. She fought us every step at first but decided it would be a good idea. Now she can have exactly what she wants whenever it happens. She's 89.
 
Yeah, my Dad is 80 and in an Alzheimer's care facility. Fortunately it's nearby so I can drop in on him.

We also talked him into assigning Power of Attorney before it got bad so that he would retain authority until such time as he wasn't capable of it anymore...and then it was clearly defined who would take over and how decisions would be made.

He resisted at first, but ultimately it gave him peace of mind when he realized he didn't have to worry about what might happen.

We also got him to do a living will and make decisions regarding DNR, etc. while he was still fully lucid. Now everything follows the letter of his wishes without debate.
 

Ddaddy said:
Yeah, my Dad is 80 and in an Alzheimer's care facility. Fortunately it's nearby so I can drop in on him.

We also talked him into assigning Power of Attorney before it got bad so that he would retain authority until such time as he wasn't capable of it anymore...and then it was clearly defined who would take over and how decisions would be made.

He resisted at first, but ultimately it gave him peace of mind when he realized he didn't have to worry about what might happen.

We also got him to do a living will and make decisions regarding DNR, etc. while he was still fully lucid. Now everything follows the letter of his wishes without debate.
Click to expand...

Most important thing about a living will and a DNR is that the responsible person can actually make the call when the time comes. My stepmother gave that to her oldest son. Who listen to the doctor who had a god complex. Oh I can save her. He wouldn't honor her wishes to end it when her time came. Doc kept her alive in a vegetive state for months. Sad to watch.
 
Old man ray said:
Most important thing about a living will and a DNR is that the responsible person can actually make the call when the time comes. My stepmother gave that to her oldest son. Who listen to the doctor who had a god complex. Oh I can save her. He wouldn't honor her wishes to end it when her time came. Doc kept her alive in a vegetive state for months. Sad to watch.
Click to expand...

Yep, that's why my Dad's medical POA is shared between 3 siblings and his lawyer oversees the decision making. 2 out of 3 votes make the decision and the lawyer approves it only if it's consistent with the letter of my Dad's wishes. Checks and balances built in.
 
We tried when he was still somewhat of sound mind but his wife was very controlling to put it nicely. She passed away a few months ago... I'll see if there's a way we can get those things done even though he's not really mentally competent.
 
goldfish65 said:
We tried when he was still somewhat of sound mind but his wife was very controlling to put it nicely. She passed away a few months ago... I'll see if there's a way we can get those things done even though he's not really mentally competent.
Click to expand...

You can have him declared mentally incompetent and establish control that way if necessary. Your biggest issue is that since he's not really mentally competent, anything he agrees to can be contested later. It may be better in the long run to do it independently if all interested parties are in general agreement.

It's worth speaking with an attorney to see what you options are under your State's laws.
 
Old man ray said:
Most important thing about a living will and a DNR is that the responsible person can actually make the call when the time comes. My stepmother gave that to her oldest son. Who listen to the doctor who had a god complex. Oh I can save her. He wouldn't honor her wishes to end it when her time came. Doc kept her alive in a vegetive state for months. Sad to watch.
Click to expand...

Ran into this with Sarah. She had a living will and a medical proxy (even though, by law, as her husband I had full authority). It wasn't the doctors she was worried about, it was her father. She was afraid that he would use his money and drain his bank accounts to turn her into the next Terry Shiavo.

There were more than a few times, though, that I had to remind the doctors they worked for her, to provide her care. It was a hard thing to do when I had one doctor who was realistic, one doctor who was being all sunshine and roses, and one doctor who was completely fatalistic.
 
Thank you Dave. I saw this coming a long time ago. I wanted to handle things through the courts and cut to the chase so to speak, but my sister wants to do the "right" thing and I commend her. It may come to that anyway.
 
loosing a loved one is rough (to say the least), if you've ever seen someone pass slowly and with any kind of pain - it becomes a lot easier to honor a DNR wish - if they had the where-with-all put the order in place - then so it should be.
Old man ray said:
Most important thing about a living will and a DNR is that the responsible person can actually make the call when the time comes. My stepmother gave that to her oldest son. Who listen to the doctor who had a god complex. Oh I can save her. He wouldn't honor her wishes to end it when her time came. Doc kept her alive in a vegetive state for months. Sad to watch.
Click to expand...
 
My father gave me POA, but had a living will for medical. He never actually told me much of what he wanted, rather I found it in his papers when he was already in the hospital. He was very clear in that he did not want his life prolonged if he was terminally ill. It actually made it a lot easier for me knowing his wishes. The decisions were not mine to make, only to insure they did what he wanted.
 
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