True Story From The Past

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RustyRatRod

RustyRatRod

I was born on a Monday. Not last Monday.
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I remember several years ago a telemarketer called. She was talking about how lucrative raising alpacas was. So, I let her give her complete spill, giving the occasional positive response, while Kitty listened in. She knew something was coming. So at the end of her spill, she says, "Mr. Merritt, can I interest you in some alpacas, today?" I reponded "yes, I'm very interested, I just have a couple of questions." She said all excited, "Why sure, go right ahead!" I asked "First, how are they best cooked and secondly, what kind of sauce is best on them?" All the response I got was a "CLICK" and a dial tone. Kitty almost spit her drink out.
 
Back in the 90's a couple buddies & I had a house on the cliff overlooking the ocean in Santa Cruz... We would have visits from solicitors from Green Peace at least once a month, usually around dinner time... We always invited them in, you could watch them looking around, observing the elk, deer, moose & bear mounts.... Usually one of us would be in the kitchen the other two would be talking with the Green Peace victims... Who ever was in the kitchen always would ask if the visitor was hungry... Warning them that the seal was tougher than usual... Somehow they never stuck around for long...
 
I got a call way back when, landlines. Some kind of insurance. I said,

"Sure WAIT!! My wife was just talking about this the other day, but she's busy for a minute or two, she'd REALLY like to talk to you about this, will you wait?"

"SURE!!!"

So I stretched that out about as far as I figured I dared, and

"Sorry, she's just about coming back in you still there?"

"You bet"

And I stretched it out again, and.........

"Man I'm sorry, she will be here in a second"

"Well,............OK" (not very enthused)

So I stretch it out again a bit, and

"You still with me?"

"Uh, .................yeh..........................."

"Oh, MAN", I said. "I don't know what is WRONG with me, today!! I'VE NEVER HAD A WIFE AND I'M NOT MARRIED!!!! GOO-BYE!!!!" AND HUNG UP THE PHONE.
 
67Dart273 said:
I got a call way back when, landlines. Some kind of insurance. I said,

"Sure WAIT!! My wife was just talking about this the other day, but she's busy for a minute or two, she'd REALLY like to talk to you about this, will you wait?"

"SURE!!!"

So I stretched that out about as far as I figured I dared, and

"Sorry, she's just about coming back in you still there?"

"You bet"

And I stretched it out again, and.........

"Man I'm sorry, she will be here in a second"

"Well,............OK" (not very enthused)

So I stretch it out again a bit, and

"You still with me?"

"Uh, .................yeh..........................."

"Oh, MAN", I said. "I don't know what is WRONG with me, today!! I'VE NEVER HAD A WIFE AND I'M NOT MARRIED!!!! GOO-BYE!!!!" AND HUNG UP THE PHONE.
Click to expand...
:rofl:
 
I used to enjoy the cold calls.
I'd pretend to not understand what they were saying, ask them to repeat themselves, pretend to be retarded, flirted with the male callers in the MOST GAY voice I could make, Tell them I was naked, all oiled up and stroking it, etc.
I'd sometimes get them hanging up and calling right back with a different caller from the same organization.
 
We've all had the duct cleaning calls
I just say we don't have ducks but we have chickens.
There's usually a pause then click
 
Somehow, my cell number (phone, not jail.... lol) has gotten related/attached to my brother's father-in-law's info/house. I get calls for his property every few months. Duct cleaning, roof, windows, sell the whole thing...you name it. I keep telling them Mr Goodman is not at this number. Or I tell them he died. I have also let them send the duct cleaners and roof inspectors out and have offered to sell them the house for 3x what it is worth.
Its really no harm to Mr Goodman, as he is in an assisted living place and nobody lives at the house.

But I know the drone roof inspector saw no issues. Also know the duct cleaners showed up, cuz I got a call saying I was supposed to be home. I apologized to the tech on behalf of his call center's inability to take me off their call list as requested and told him that maybe now they would leave me alone. He didn't skip a beat and asked if my house need his services. He was pretty cool about it, but no not from his company.
 
Back a few decades ago, out in the sticks, a guy would drive up wearing a suit, and get out carrying the really large "book" so big it had a handle. Yep insurance SALESMAN< I just hollared really loud "SIC EM!!!!" They left prettty quick even though my dog was a wimp! Tail waggin was a clue.
 
Many moons ago back in the landline era, my grandmother sold lots of tires. She had the same phone number as the local K Mart discount store tire center, except the last two numbers were switched. At first she would politely tell the caller it was a wrong number and gave them the correct number. After a while though she started telling the callers about the great deals and BOGOs going on. Imagine the K Mart salesmen when someone showed up looking for the great deals they were promised!
 
when i was 18 i was staying at my uncles farther n law working on his tobacco farm, when my uncle gets a call bout a hot load to california that was a hurry up get there kinda deal, so uncle starts getting ready, i run up to his father n laws to take a shower and pack quick as i could too! so uncle is in shower and hears knocking on his door, thinking its me coming back holla's come on in!! few minutes latter he walks out bath room stark *** nakkid with a towel on his head, speaks to me thinking i was there,..pulls towel off his head to a living room full of jehovah witnes's!! well he lost his chit and went to cussing and running them folks off bout time i was pulling back in his drive way,..lololol the chit was so funny....
 
Our phone number was 1 away from the local pizzaria. Any number of pizzas orders at midnight saturday that were never delivered!
 
barbee6043 said:
Back a few decades ago, out in the sticks, a guy would drive up wearing a suit, and get out carrying the really large "book" so big it had a handle. Yep insurance SALESMAN< I just hollared really loud "SIC EM!!!!" They left prettty quick even though my dog was a wimp! Tail waggin was a clue.
Click to expand...
My command to my dog was “eatem raw” dog would flip out growling and barking, fur up. But that’s all the dog knew to do at that command. Many jahova witnesses went running for the car. Lol
 
Ahoey said:
My command to my dog was “eatem raw” dog would flip out growling and barking, fur up. But that’s all the dog knew to do at that command. Many jahova witnesses went running for the car. Lol
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Uncle Walter had his dogs trained to respond to German words, not associated with aggressive actions.

Don’t remember the words that put the dogs on alert, or the words that called them off… but if he yelled “fressen” (eat), something or someone was on the menu.
 
Bonus points for Imperial in Second Hand Lions clip.
 
I got a phone call once from a guy claiming to be with The US Homeland Security. He had a very Indian accent with broken English. Went something like this.
Hello this is Habeeb , I'm am with HLS and would like to ask you some questions.
Me - No your not. haha.
Habeeb- Yes I Am.
No you not !! HaHa ha.
YES I AM
NO YOUR NOT HAHA
He got pissed and hung up on me.
 
RAT ROD AL said:
I got a phone call once from a guy claiming to be with The US Homeland Security. He had a very Indian accent with broken English. Went something like this.
Hello this is Habeeb , I'm am with HLS and would like to ask you some questions.
Me - No your not. haha.
Habeeb- Yes I Am.
No you not !! HaHa ha.
YES I AM
NO YOUR NOT HAHA
He got pissed and hung up on me.
Click to expand...
There's a well-known phone scam based on this (fake HSA call), and I got it about two weeks ago when I happened to be home/took some PTO from work. I don't recall why I was in a bad mood, but I immediately told the guy to "f*** off" and hung-up on him.

(Edit: Then I blocked the number in my phone.)

My wife heard all of this, and asked who I was talking to.

Me: "Homeland Security."

She: "You told them to "f-off"?"

And then I got The Look....

Took me a few minutes to calm her down and explain what was going on.
 
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