Wife's in the hospital

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The important thing is Sarah is a fighter, bite your tongue around your father-in-law, he's never going to understand or change.
 
keep yourself positive! keep telling Sarah that she is getting better, the docs are doing great, she is looking good...and that she is healing....

Don't worry about the old man, (yeah, easy to say) and let him live in the past, that is what keeps him happy. He does not know what his adult daughter is like at all I'm sure. Lol, try to enjoy his stories of Sarah's youth, and use them against her at a later date, mwahahaha!

See you soon!
 
yes I think its time for dad to go home tell him you will update him daily and send him home....we will continue to keep prying for her. hang in there this is just one of those bumps in the road...........Artie
 
ramenth said:
It is what it is. Thanks the intracranial swelling her condition can change rapidly. And there in lies the danger. She's more stable this morning and more responsive, but not as responsive as hoped for and still not awake. But since her condition can change at the drop of a hat the meds and such are constantly being fine tuned.

When I go in I rouse her a bit and mostly get a response. Keep giving her encouragement. She's been through enough in 35 years that would make other people curl into ball in the corner and die. She's strong and has strength that would surprise even me if she dug deep enough.

And that's something I'm desparately trying to get her father to understand. He thinks he knows her. He doesn't. He doesn't know the woman she's beme, because he hasn't allowed himself to see beyond the girl she was. And it's not a "now" thing. It's been going on for years. I get regaled with stories of Sarah the child, but there's no stories - no memories - of Sarah the woman that her parents talk about.

He stands over her with looks of pity in his eyes and sighs real big as if he's given up. If that's case we don't need him here. She doesn't need pity. She needs encouragement to dig deep and find that strength I know is there. This is the first round in the upcoming battle. If he can't take this, time to go home, 'cause it ain't gonna get much prettier.
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1st of all let me add my continued prayers for Sarah & all of you surrounding her that love her so much. I read this thread & can't imagine the stress level it puts you through. God bless you! Your strength is unbelieveable! Your wife is truly a fighter & I can tell from they way you speak of her she is one of those people who can touch so many & inspire them with her strength too. I run my own shop too & when I put it into perspective, my daily troubles that get me all worked up are nothing, nothing compared to what you have to deal with. I admire you.
If I could just say that as a father myself that your father in law is looking at his little girl & what she is going through & feels as helpless as you do. Parents almost can't help but see their children as their little girl or boy no matter what age they are. It's not that he can't see her for the grown up woman that she is, but he reflects to a time when she needed him to protect & do things for her. A time when Daddy could fix things & make it better. He can't do that right now & that probably is killing him inside. It's hard to let go of that. It's probably not about him to himself either, but he feels as helpless and frustrated as you do. He probably can't think straight through all this. Remember, you both want the same things for her. I definitely wouldn't send him home or shut him out. That would only intensify the stress on both of you. I'm sure if you could you both would trade places with her in a heartbeat.
Again my continued prayers for Sarah, yourself & all of you & the doctors involved.
God bless you.
 
It's not that he can't see her for the grown up woman that she is, but he reflects to a time when she needed him to protect & do things for her. A time when Daddy could fix things & make it better. He can't do that right now & that probably is killing him inside. It's hard to let go of that.
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I agree with this, I have three daughters and I struggle quite a bit when I can't "fix" things too. It's a sickening feeling inside when you know there is nothing you can do, but you desperately want to. It brings up emotions that are extremely hard to comprehend. I have never had to deal with something like what he and you are going through. Try and be patient with him. Talk with him.

Hang in there Robert.
 
Robert I understand what you are feeling. As a parent our children never grow up in our eyes, and some just can't separate the past from the present in these situations. Your father in law seems to be one of those.

You are the husband and the one who must make the tuff choices at times like these. I don't envy you, but you have to put Sarahs interests and needs first,
And if he can't deal with that, then that's his problem not your's.
 
Guys, I get it. I understand his point of view. I truly do. But that understanding, for Sarah's sake, has to go both ways. Mu concern isn't the five year old Sarah riding her bike, my concern is the health and well being of 35 year old Sarah laying on this bed right now, fighting this thing.

My sister and I were sharing some of our recent stories of Sarah with Dad last night. On one particular story he got indignant and cried, "Sarah would nevet do that!" Wanna bet?

And that's my point guys. He doesn't know the woman Sarah half as much as he thinks because for all these years he hasn't gotten to know that woman.

For those you who are talking about seeing in their daughters similarly in a situation like this, I fully understand. I get it. I can understand daddy wanting to fix it. But this goes beyond now, it's seeing Sarah not as an adult even in good times.

Daddy can't fix it by being belegerent with the nursing staff. Daddy can't fix it by trying to pick fights with her husband. Daddy can't fix it with google and second guessing the nursing staff. All these things run counter intuitive to Sarah's best care.

And that's my number one priority. Making sure Sarah gets the best care she can get, receiving all the encouragement, all the support she needs. And frankly, if something runs counter intuitive to that, I will, and have, said something. Nothing changes.

He's given up guys. You can tell be the look in his eyes. He stands over her and sighs. He's beat around the bush, but has said he's forgiven us for our decision to have the tumor removed. He's asked if we've had our necessary paperwork in order. Sarah doesn't need a defeatist attitude.

Like I said, my concern is ensuring she receives the best of care. And if Dad isn't prepated to give it... Well, then, I'll have to do it without him. Or in spite of him. Cause Sarah is my purpose right now.

I love ya'll. I really do.
 
ramenth said:
Guys, I get it. I understand his point of view. I truly do. But that understanding, for Sarah's sake, has to go both ways. Mu concern isn't the five year old Sarah riding her bike, my concern is the health and well being of 35 year old Sarah laying on this bed right now, fighting this thing.

My sister and I were sharing some of our recent stories of Sarah with Dad last night. On one particular story he got indignant and cried, "Sarah would nevet do that!" Wanna bet?

And that's my point guys. He doesn't know the woman Sarah half as much as he thinks because for all these years he hasn't gotten to know that woman.

For those you who are talking about seeing in their daughters similarly in a situation like this, I fully understand. I get it. I can understand daddy wanting to fix it. But this goes beyond now, it's seeing Sarah not as an adult even in good times.

Daddy can't fix it by being belegerent with the nursing staff. Daddy can't fix it by trying to pick fights with her husband. Daddy can't fix it with google and second guessing the nursing staff. All these things run counter intuitive to Sarah's best care.

And that's my number one priority. Making sure Sarah gets the best care she can get, receiving all the encouragement, all the support she needs. And frankly, if something runs counter intuitive to that, I will, and have, said something. Nothing changes.

He's given up guys. You can tell be the look in his eyes. He stands over her and sighs. He's beat around the bush, but has said he's forgiven us for our decision to have the tumor removed. He's asked if we've had our necessary paperwork in order. Sarah doesn't need a defeatist attitude.

Like I said, my concern is ensuring she receives the best of care. And if Dad isn't prepated to give it... Well, then, I'll have to do it without him. Or in spite of him. Cause Sarah is my purpose right now.

I love ya'll. I really do.
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Well put. More prayers being sent and a special on for the father in-law for understanding, patience and seeing in the future.
 
You're exactly right, you have the proper mindset and you should stay the course. I was just adding some perspective from a Dad's point of view. But you are right he should be in your / Sarah's corner. If he is second guessing the nurses and doctors then that is a whole other issue. Being belligerent may be his only way of dealing with it. I have no idea how he would think it's at all helpful.

I can honestly say I don't know how I would handle it if it were my daughter, I don't think I would go to the extremes he has though.

Bottom line is Sarah and her well being. Stay strong and stay the course, do what you need to do for her.

Keep us posted.
 
Lord God please share your healing ways with our family in need! Lord we ask that you take this family in your hands whatch down upon them and protect them. Help them to find the strength through You Lord to overconm the struggles and challenges they now face. Lord surrond them with your love, let them know without a doubt of your presence to know they are not alone. Lord be with Sarah in her time of need and provide her with Your healing touch and the blessings of Your love. Lord allow Your will to be done........Thank you Jesus! Amen.....the prayer warriors in Indy are all over this........may God bless you!
 
DartSport3604-Speed said:
Lord God please share your healing ways with our family in need! Lord we ask that you take this family in your hands whatch down upon them and protect them. Help them to find the strength through You Lord to overconm the struggles and challenges they now face. Lord surrond them with your love, let them know without a doubt of your presence to know they are not alone. Lord be with Sarah in her time of need and provide her with Your healing touch and the blessings of Your love. Lord allow Your will to be done........Thank you Jesus! Amen.....the prayer warriors in Indy are all over this........may God bless you!
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:thumrigh:
 
Robert you are an exceptionally understanding man. Most guys (me included) wouldn't know what to do in tough times like what your going through. God has given you understanding. I pray that you will be able to make Sarah's dad see things as you do. It would be so much better on everyone if he did. In the mean time try your best to let his words and actions roll off like water on a ducks back, as the saying goes. I can only imaging it won't be easy because it sounds like he is being impossible, but you have a lot of prayers going up for you and Sarah.
 
Sarah's lungs are giving up. They are fighting a battle and it's hard to maintain. Her lungs aren't able to maintain what her brain needs and right now her healing brain needs a lot.

We haven't given up. Not by a damned long shot. She needs a push, just need to figure out how to give her one. I'll ******* carry her if I have to.

Did find out what the tumor was. Can't remember the long *** tech name for it, but it wasn't cancer and wasn't benign. It was a tumor of bone marrow cells working their way into the brain and hemorrhaging to build a larger tumor. It would have killed her. No if and or buts it would have killed her. And she would have been dead before she hit the floor. From what the doctor told me this is only the second case in history.

Welcome to the ultimate Catch-22 situation folks. We knew we couldn't leave the tumor in, we knew the eventuality of death as a result. We just didn't know how immediate or unexpected death could be in this case. Now, we face death, too, because of the results of getting the tumor out.
 
Praying here for Sarah. Thank you Robert for the update as difficult as it is at the moment.
 
praying for Sarah.. And for you and your whole family Robert... I cant begin to imagine how difficult this is..
 
ramenth said:
Sarah's lungs are giving up. They are fighting a battle and it's hard to maintain. Her lungs aren't able to maintain what her brain needs and right now her healing brain needs a lot.

We haven't given up. Not by a damned long shot. She needs a push, just need to figure out how to give her one. I'll ******* carry her if I have to.

Did find out what the tumor was. Can't remember the long *** tech name for it, but it wasn't cancer and wasn't benign. It was a tumor of bone marrow cells working their way into the brain and hemorrhaging to build a larger tumor. It would have killed her. No if and or buts it would have killed her. And she would have been dead before she hit the floor. From what the doctor told me this is only the second case in history.

Welcome to the ultimate Catch-22 situation folks. We knew we couldn't leave the tumor in, we knew the eventuality of death as a result. We just didn't know how immediate or unexpected death could be in this case. Now, we face death, too, because of the results of getting the tumor out.
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Having the tumor reoved was the right thing to do. She would have died for sure. Now she may or may not. It is her only chance. Now the fight for recovery is up to her. People have come out of some bad situations, and I hope Sarah can come out of this one too. She sounds like a fighter and hopefully will win this battle. Keep encouraging her. Talk to her and tell her to keep fighting. Even though she can't directly respond to you, keep encouraging her to hang in there and keep fighting. She may be able to hear you, but unable to respond. Your encouragement will help her to keep fighting.
 
I'm saddened to hear that Robert but God can do anything and I'll keep praying in faith. As Karl said keep talking to her, encouraging her to fight because she may be able to hear you. I agree with Karl that you made the right decision. She was doomed for sure with it in there.
 
DartSport3604-Speed said:
Lord God please share your healing ways with our family in need! Lord we ask that you take this family in your hands whatch down upon them and protect them. Help them to find the strength through You Lord to overconm the struggles and challenges they now face. Lord surrond them with your love, let them know without a doubt of your presence to know they are not alone. Lord be with Sarah in her time of need and provide her with Your healing touch and the blessings of Your love. Lord allow Your will to be done........Thank you Jesus! Amen.....the prayer warriors in Indy are all over this........may God bless you!
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Amen.
 
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