A question about etiquette ...What to expect for a day of helping people?

-
I have the same problem with a few local guys around here.
I hang out with all the guys and gals on this forum instead because your all the same willing to help each other out and honest good people. Thanks for all your help and always a cold one here for any of you but my cooking sucks so canned chili and hot dogs. lol
 
Slowswinger said:
The rule of 1st time shame on him, 2nd time shame on you applies. I wouldn't help that guy watch birds **** on his car.
Click to expand...

Reminds me of when I installed my 6 point cage, I was still learning how to use my mig welder, a friend that is a welder for A.AIRLINES volunteered to help.
I loaded him up on steaks we used to get from private beef stock.
 
famous bob said:
Reminds me of when I installed my 6 point cage, I was still learning how to use my mig welder, a friend that is a welder for A.AIRLINES volunteered to help.
I loaded him up on steaks we used to get from private beef stock.
Click to expand...
Now that was mighty nice of you. I would never expect that as compensation but I would do something just like that for those who helped me on a big job or one I’m talentless at.
 
Well, if I offer to help someone I expect nothing, IF someone asks for my help and it's a lengthy process, I , at a minimum, would expect a drink or two and maybe a snack, I mean it's only common courtesy.

I would never expect monetary payment unless it was offered prior to the chore, and even then I may not take it, it really depends on our personal relationship if it's a good friend then no.

Last time I had help, when the job was done I cooked fresh off the stock corn on the cob, homemade potato salad and all the baby back ribs he could eat, along with a wash down.
 
Kern Dog said:
Let's say you are a 76 year old guy that needs help with a car. You call three guys over and they spend 5 1/2 hours at your place pushing the car into position, hooking up the engine hoist, setting the engine, installing headers and pushing the car back into the garage.
What would be a common and reasonable way to show your appreciation to these three guys?
Keep in mind that the owner of the car is not very mechanically inclined and has to research almost everything.
Lets see some responses. I want to know what others think.
Thanks!
Click to expand...

Kern Dog said:
So guess what our grand payment was for our efforts.....
5 1/2 hours, ONE bottle of water.
Yeah....
NO food, NO beer, NO snacks, NO thanks until I told him near the end that he should have been thanking us and offering to pay. I was kidding about the money. I was absolutely NOT kidding about the thanks.
In my experience, the guy getting the help always offers food and drinks, BEER if the guys want it.
I would have refused money.
I would have not refused food. The Wife is flat out pissed to see me help a guy this clueless. Its as if he is a Social Savant...He is either clueless as to social protocol or is a cheap and thoughtless prick.
I am always getting people asking for help with something. If it isn't an all day thing, I'm willing to lend a hand. I see it as karma....Maybe God and the universe sees my efforts and somehow good fortune will come my way.
I have GOT to learn how to say no to people without feeling guilty about it.
This guy bit off waaaaaay more than he could chew and is leaning on everyone he can to build this car. Some time ago he wanted to rebuild the front suspension and convert it to disc brakes. I told him that I would do one side, let him watch and then he would do the other side. All I heard is you are so much stronger, I don't have the endurance that you do and other excuses. The whole story of Tom Sawyer and fence painting came to mind.
The guy had no 1/2" drive tools. You need these for suspension and steering work.
He couldn't figure out how to install torsion bars. He couldn't get the grease boots on. He was able to put the C clips in at the torsion bar crossmember though.
Today we put the engine and headers in, set the 2' level across the valve covers and rocked the engine around until it was level then I hung around about a half hour thinking he would offer to get sandwiches or a pizza.
No, we each got a bottle of water.
Click to expand...

This kinda **** is exactly why I am very picky about who I help with anything.
Usually I am the one with the tools and know how to do almost anything and all my friends and neighbors know that.
Here recently a buddies Wife asked if I would clean up her laptop and I said I would do it for her.
Well they threw a lunch type get together a day or two later, and as soon as I walked in the door she hands me her laptop, as if I'm going to spend my time at this get together of Mopar people working on her laptop.:rolleyes:
I told her that was neither the time or place.

The neighbor found out I bought a new mig/gas setup and immediately came over and asked me to put hydraulics on his POS Grand Prix for him. (uh,no)

One guy that's been a friend for a few decades bugged me for months to put a new engine in his truck for him saying he couldn't trust anyone else to do it right.
I finally broke down and agreed to do it (in gravel and by myself) because that was how it was going to end up being.
I told him when it was all done it needed the computer to be re tuned for the new motor. (per the engine warranty)
****** called me for 2 weeks almost every day to tell me how shitty it ran, but had never taken it to be re tuned for the new HP motor.

Anyway, I'm pretty good at saying no after being a mechanic most of my life and a computer tech for the last 20+ years.

Next thing you know you will hear your guy at a car show or something say he did it all himself.:D

There isn't a chance in hell I would ever help him again.
I'd just already have too many things going on. (which is my go to answer)
 
I think it's all about up bringing doesn't matter how old you are. I've helped friends do suspension work and various other things, never expected payment drink, food fine. I would have ordered pizza/hoagies, had drinks. That's just how I roll. And on another note if it's something I don't know ,how to do I would have been right there with you so I could learn. Just my .02
 
Could have went and had pizza and drinks delivered? Lead by example. Always be humble. This I think would please God.

I’ll add this if he is capable of doing this work and won’t help himself. I probably wouldn’t help either.
 
Last edited:
Bad Sport said:
Well, if I offer to help someone I expect nothing, IF someone asks for my help and it's a lengthy process, I , at a minimum, would expect a drink or two and maybe a snack, I mean it's only common courtesy.

I would never expect monetary payment unless it was offered prior to the chore, and even then I may not take it, it really depends on our personal relationship if it's a good friend then no.

Last time I had help, when the job was done I cooked fresh off the stock corn on the cob, homemade potato salad and all the baby back ribs he could eat, along with a wash down.
Click to expand...

He didn`t expect anything , I gave him the steaks out of appreciation, I did go to his house about a hot water problem too-----
 
You know Kern, I’m kinda like you. Don’t mind helping someone out however not getting a simple thanks would piss me off. What I would do is stop by the guys place to see how things are going. At an opportune time I would tell him the the fellas that helped were a little pissed for not even getting a thanks. See what his response will be. If he asks for help again I would tell him “I can’t do it myself and besides that I’m real busy”.
 
dart4forte said:
You know Kern, I’m kinda like you. Don’t mind helping someone out however not getting a simple thanks would piss me off. What I would do is stop by the guys place to see how things are going. At an opportune time I would tell him the the fellas that helped were a little pissed for not even getting a thanks. See what his response will be. If he asks for help again I would tell him “I can’t do it myself and besides that I’m real busy”.
Click to expand...
Awesome! Simply awesome!
 
Certainly a lot of 'Thanks' is in order. Beyond that, the 'how much is due' depends on previous relationship, what led up to this getting done, was it spur of the moment or planned, how did all 3 of you get involved, what is the financial position of people involved...
If I know they can't afford to hire someone and I jump in to help. I'm not expecting much more than gratitude. That said, those are usually the ones offering to prepare anything in the fridge and any trying to figure out what they have that you can use.
Even if the person can afford it. If its a friend and we are working together on their stuff. Refreshments. At 5.5 hours that's usually a meal. If I am 'hired' to do something the compensation is established before work starts. Or at very least knowing is this a 'favor' or a 'job'. Especially if I am pulling friends in to help. Like before starting ' Hey I'm here for a drink and maybe a burger, but would be great if you can toss by buddies a couple bucks for giving up their day to help' If you get a deer in the headlight, proceed accordingly.
I've also been on the other side as the one getting help. It can be awkward when you know you can not properly compensate someone for their help. So, I try not to put anyone in that position. But I make that clear up front as well and show my gratitude any way I can.
 
Last edited:
This is how I go about it. Not saying its correct but just my take on things. I am an Electrician by trade so it started there but it spills over to helping people on cars too. If you are a good enough friend for me to spend my time helping, I'll do it for free! Otherwise I dont have time.
I will add that young people and old people get a bit of slack when it comes to my help. I wish when I was young that someone would have helped me more with car stuff but I never met the right people. When I get old and need help I hope the help will be there.
Of course there is always the truth of life, "Young or old, an asshole is an asshole". I have no time for assholes!
Just my 2 cents and maybe worth less than that!

Cley
 
Good mention. Hey have helped so many friends and dropped what I was doing to help them with small crap to move into there new house.

I haven’t received any help in return yet.
Even with weeks for a heads up.
And now have a new gaggle or friends.
 
It was shitty that he didn't say thank you or offer you food for working that long over a meal time.

However I've found that it's best to lay the groundwork out ahead of time even in volunteer situations so all expectations are known and no assumptions are made. IE he asks for help and you say well it looks like it's going to be a 6 hour job for 3 of my guys so we'll plan to get here at "X:xx" time. We're going to be there over lunch time so it would be great if you could buy us a pizza and some drinks so we can keep working on your car and not have to stop to go get something to eat etc...

Idk I always make sure I offer money, food, drink, etc when someone helps me which is rare. I usually like to just do it myself. I've just found that it's best to set expectations and communicate them ahead of time so there are no hurt feelings. Assuming someone is going to behave like you expect them to or like society expects them to is going to set you up for disappointment more often then not.
 
I never expect anything and that’s usually what I get when I help someone.I take along a cooler with a dozen drinks in it, 6 water, and different flavour zero sugar drinks. Also something to eat as well as some junk food. Some offer some don’t. When I ask for help I only really have 1 buddy that will help and he is 3 hours away. I supply everything I think he will want or need. Kim
 
Last edited:
Even on a paid job it's nice to show or receive appreciation. I do some handy-man jobs on the side, usually for $. Probably 90% has been for one family over the last 20 years. Has always been a pay per hour arrangement. They live near an hour away from me. Was near where I worked till about 6 years ago. A lot of times it barely makes sense for me to drive that far now. But I keep going back because I now consider them friends and largely for how appreciative they are. Always thankful and complimenting my work. When the mom was living she would invite me to have dinner with them and she was an amazing cook. I would never count mealtimes when I figured out what was owed, but if they figured it out it often was paid time from when I arrived. One of the sons has the place now. He is younger than me but has nerve damage in wrists, so cant do a lot. But he does a great job on the grill and smoker....
 
Jadaharabi said:
Kern Dog, who took the pictures?
Click to expand...

I did. That is me with the reddish hair.
Another thing....
I never even liked this guy. I felt sorry for him. He joined the Mopar club and immediately began asking for help, advice, etc. It seemed that at every turn, whatever advice he asked was questioned and compared to something else that he read online. Many members turned away and stopped talking to him. Being the forgiving type, I put my frustrations aside and helped him. I liked the car, he lived close and I felt sorry for him.
There are some people that you know that have some redeeming quality that makes it worth your time to talk with them. The more that I stand back and look from afar, this guy gives nothing to the club but instead is always take take take.
I have had this thing where I worry about time running out. I'm healthy but getting old and feeble freaks me out. THIS guy looks like what may likely happen to me....Older, weaker and less able. Maybe I saw this guy and felt like he needed help like I will need one day.
Regardless, I didn't "expect" anything from the guy BUT it was on my way home when I realized that he got a heck of a deal. It is no wonder that he barely speaks with his kids, he has NO friends other than people he uses from the car club....He isn't the kind of guy that has friends...
 
Kern Dog said:
I did. That is me with the reddish hair.
Another thing....
I never even liked this guy. I felt sorry for him. He joined the Mopar club and immediately began asking for help, advice, etc. It seemed that at every turn, whatever advice he asked was questioned and compared to something else that he read online. Many members turned away and stopped talking to him. Being the forgiving type, I put my frustrations aside and helped him. I liked the car, he lived close and I felt sorry for him.
There are some people that you know that have some redeeming quality that makes it worth your time to talk with them. The more that I stand back and look from afar, this guy gives nothing to the club but instead is always take take take.
I have had this thing where I worry about time running out. I'm healthy but getting old and feeble freaks me out. THIS guy looks like what may likely happen to me....Older, weaker and less able. Maybe I saw this guy and felt like he needed help like I will need one day.
Regardless, I didn't "expect" anything from the guy BUT it was on my way home when I realized that he got a heck of a deal. It is no wonder that he barely speaks with his kids, he has NO friends other than people he uses from the car club....He isn't the kind of guy that has friends...
Click to expand...


Oh, I’ve run into several of those. Based on experience I tend to steer clear. I’m willing to answer questions but that’s as far as I’m willing to go. Another pet peeve is when I give or sell a part real cheap to help someone out with their project and then they turn around and flip the part. Once that happens it’s the last time it will happen, I’m done.

Also, go out and buy new trailer. You’ll find out you have friends you didn’t realize you had.
 
if you have no aptitude then you really should should be able to show gratitude
Kern Dog said:
I did. That is me with the reddish hair.
Another thing....
I never even liked this guy. I felt sorry for him. He joined the Mopar club and immediately began asking for help, advice, etc. It seemed that at every turn, whatever advice he asked was questioned and compared to something else that he read online. Many members turned away and stopped talking to him. Being the forgiving type, I put my frustrations aside and helped him. I liked the car, he lived close and I felt sorry for him.
There are some people that you know that have some redeeming quality that makes it worth your time to talk with them. The more that I stand back and look from afar, this guy gives nothing to the club but instead is always take take take.
I have had this thing where I worry about time running out. I'm healthy but getting old and feeble freaks me out. THIS guy looks like what may likely happen to me....Older, weaker and less able. Maybe I saw this guy and felt like he needed help like I will need one day.
Regardless, I didn't "expect" anything from the guy BUT it was on my way home when I realized that he got a heck of a deal. It is no wonder that he barely speaks with his kids, he has NO friends other than people he uses from the car club....He isn't the kind of guy that has friends...
Click to expand...
karma goes both ways..... remember that :thumbsup:
 
He did thank us AFTER I told him that he should be thanking us. This was 5 hours into the deal.
I am always so grateful when I get help, I make comments throughout the experience.
This guy texted last night around 10:30....Saying his Wife planned on making lunch but forgot about it. He claims to be grateful but too dang bad...I am done. I gave charity already and need to focus on my real friends that can reciprocate along with the LONG list of stuff of my own.
 
I work with a charity that help kids and I do a lot for veterans.
With the kids, you absolutely cannot expect anything close to a thank you from kids. Some will, but most just don't understand.
The Veterans, well pride gets in the way a lot. I get that.
Aside from a job, if I agree to help someone out, I never expect anything. That includes a thank you.
You just can't take some **** personally.
 
Plain and simple, i cant work for free.
People gotta eat.
I help my close friends for free, i have saved some many thousands in auto repairs,and as a token of one’s appreciation he paid for the concrete when we poured my new shop floor. Another friend placed and finished it for free. I supplied whatever he needed and all the food and drink.

If someone can afford a nice car, they can afford a few bucks to cover the help.

Someone asks for help,not a close friend,they gotta pay. I have things to do too,my time is never really free.

Great thread, btw...
 
I bought a AAMCO 4000 brake lath few years ago. Now I do drums and rotors for the whole neighborhood. One neighbor I know I've done at least 8 Rotors for, now he will thank me but never tries to pay me. Well he shocked me the other day and brought me a $50.00 Bass Pro Gift card! I was shocked.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
-

Back
Top