12 Dad jokes

[joel d. snyder]

happy wednesday - for a few minutes yet.....1. did you hear the joke about the baseball? it'll leave you in stitches. 2. hoow do lawyers say goodbye? i'll be suing you.

 

[Dartthunder340]

What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?

Kurt and Rod

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles









tentacles.

 

[Dartnut]

What did the blonde say after her boyfrind blew in her ear?
''Thanks for the refill!''

 

[Dartnut]

My wallet is like an onion.
Every time I open it I cry...

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. why are skeletons so calm? because nothing gets under their skin. 2. what do you call santa when he's wearing ear muffs? anything you like. he can't hear you.

 

[Ahoey]

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? Anything you want he still won’t come.

 

[joel d. snyder]

it's friday, i think so.........1.what did the tie say to the hat? i'll hang around, you go on ahead. 2. what do you get when a king farts? noble gas.

 

[Dartnut]

What did the bug say after it hit the windshield?
''If I had the guts, I'd do it all over again.''

 

[Ahoey]

What did the bug say after it hit the windshield?
''If I had the guts, I'd do it all over again.''

What’s the last thing to go through a bugs mind when he hits your windshield? His asshole.

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. what did the skeleton say to the dog? bone appetit. 2. what is a cat's favorite book? the great catsby.

 

[Yunick13]

 

[Yunick13]

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. how do you make a milkshake? give it a good scare. 2. where do hamburgers go to dance? the meat-ball.

 

[abdywgn]

1. Wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name, so I called her Bluff.
   Man addicted to drinking brake fluid claims he can stop anytime he wants.
   “There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.
   Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe, but if you remove it, you get gravy.
   Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for the night, set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Like most people my age, I’m over 70.

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird feisty caffeinated weightlifters.

thanks for the jokes Cousin Brad

 

[ProjectBazza]

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird feisty caffeinated weightlifters.

Heck, even Einstein got that one wrong.

Twice.

 

[joel d. snyder]

and w/o further ado...what is an ado anyway? 1. why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield? because there are too many ears. 2. what did yoda say when he saw himself in 4k quality? hdmi.

 

[Dartnut]

You don't need a parachute to go sky diving.
You need it to go sky diving more than once.

 

[Ahoey]

See what you can come up with, with this line. “I fear no beer”

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. what does a nosy pepper do? gets jalapena business. 2. what's shaped like a reptile and smells like poop? a turdle.

 

[Ahoey]

See what you can come up with, with this line. “I fear no beer”

Is it I’m scared of having no beer or I’m not scared of any beer

 

[missing linc]

Is it I’m scared of having no beer or I’m not scared of any beer

Ain't skeered o' no dang beer!
Unless it's been sitting in the sun all day, then it would be a NOPE!

 

[Ahoey]

Ain't skeered o' no dang beer!
Unless it's been sitting in the sun all day, then it would be a NOPE!

Or bounced around in the cooler in your trunk for 3 hrs

 

[joel d. snyder]

tgif......1. who delivers christmas presents to baby sharks? santa jaws. 2. why did the dog go to school? to become a bark-itect.

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. why shouldn't you hand elsa from frozen a balloon? because she'll let it go. 2. knock, knock. who's there? hike. hike who? i didn't know you liked japanese poetry.

 

[Dartnut]

How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away their credit card.