12 Dad jokes

[Dartnut]

What do Vampires eat instead of snack crackers?
Scabs.

 

[joel d. snyder]

evening folks...1. what did zero say to eight? that belt looks good on you. 2. what does a baby computer call his father? data.

 

[joel d. snyder]

today's entries...1. what is the best thing about living in switzerland? well, the flag is a big plus. 2. what do you call a fake noodle? an impasta.

 

[Dartnut]

How do you keep an Eskimo family together?
With Igloo...

 

[Dartnut]

Why is the moon a lousy place to take a girl on a date?
Because it has no atmosphere.

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. why don't cats like internet shopping? they prefer cat-alogs. 2. how do the elves clean santa's sleigh on the day after christmas? they use santa-tizer.

 

[Dartnut]

I was at death's door until the doctor pulled me through...

 

[Dartnut]

The Circus was looking for a new person to be shot out of the big cannon.
However, they haven't found anyone that is the right caliber yet...

 

[joel d. snyder]

hi, kids....1. what do you call a droid that takes the long way around? r2 detour. 2. why wasn't the woman happy with the velcro she bought? she thought it was a total rip-off.

 

[Dartnut]

Why did Dracula gargle with some mouth wash?
He had Bat breath...

 

[Dartnut]

What is the depth of water that frogs flourish in?
Knee deep
Knee deep
Knee deep

 

[Yunick13]

 

[joel d. snyder]

ok, back to work....1. i'm addicted to frozen birds. i need to quit cold turkey. 2. how are scrambled eggs and baseball teams the same? they both get beaten.

 

[Dartnut]

Did you hear about the man who ran over himself?
He didn't have anyone to go to the store for him, so he ran over himself.

 

[Dartnut]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To watch the man lay bricks...

 

[Ahoey]

Why do bull dogs have a flat face?
Chasing parked cars.

 

[joel d. snyder]

and a 1, and a 2.....1. what is a pumpkin's favorite sport? squash. 2. why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? because he was too far out man.

 

[joel d. snyder]

jello, troops....1. what do a bowler and a thanksgiving guest have in common? they both want a turkey. 2. what do you get if you cross a bell and a skunk? jingle smells.

 

[abdywgn]

new game for seniors: aches and bladders.

 

[joel d. snyder]

howdy...1. how do you get straight a's? by using a ruler. 2. i just got fired from my job as a set designer. i left without making a scene.

 

[Dartnut]

Observer: ''Why is your dog running around in circles?''
Me: ''It's because he's a watch dog and he's winding himself up again.''

 

[Dartnut]

Who was the cook for the Knights of the round table?
Sir Loin of Beef.

 

[Ahoey]

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you want, he still won’t come.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

 

[joel d. snyder]

and here we go again......1. what vegetable can work as a sports announcer? a common tater. 2. how do you get a farm girl to marry you? first, a tractor.

 

[joel d. snyder]

hope your friday went better than mine....1.what do you call a cow in an earthquake? a milkshake. 2. what's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? one requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.