12 Dad jokes

[Dartnut]

How do Eskimo families stick together?
With Igloo.

Why did the Mafia put out a contract out on Einstein?
Because he knew too much.

 

[abdywgn]

1. Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine.
   
   There was a heated debate about theft at the restaurant, so I decided not to take sides.
   
   What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…'”A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…”
   
   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
   
   If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the store free yet?
   
   The easiest job in the world has to be a coroner. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything goes wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
   
   You’ll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully, and lie about your age.

Thanks for the jokes Brad!

 

[ProjectBazza]

1. Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine.
   
   There was a heated debate about theft at the restaurant, so I decided not to take sides.
   
   What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…'”A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…”
   
   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
   
   If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the store free yet?
   
   The easiest job in the world has to be a coroner. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything goes wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
   
   You’ll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully, and lie about your age.

Thanks for the jokes Brad!

Some good ones there!

 

[abdywgn]

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for! Open the door!

 

[Elmo65]

Here goes nothing:

Patientoc, I have a problem remembering things.
Doc: How long have you had this problem?
Patient: What problem?

 

[Ahoey]

Here goes nothing:

Patientoc, I have a problem remembering things.
Doc: How long have you had this problem?
Patient: What problem?

That’s me. I suffer from CRS. CAN’t remember ****

 

[abdywgn]

1. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
   
   Isn’t it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.
   
   No one should have children after 35. Really, 35 children are enough.
   
   When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember… The fire department usually uses water.
   
   You are such a good friend that, if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket, I’d miss you so much and talk about you fondly to everybody who asked.
   
   I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
   
   Coming soon to a theater near you_ Star Wars 12 – Luke needs a Walker.