According to Jeff Foxworthy : You might be a Canadian if ....

[Mark Wainwright]

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canadians, during a recent appearance at Caesars in Windsor :

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,
You may live in Canada .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere
South of Kelowna for the weekend,
You may live in Canada .

If you measure distance in hours,
You may live in Canada .

If you know several people
Who have hit a deer more than once,
You may live in Canada .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'
In the same day and back again,
You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without flinching,
You may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both unlocked,
You may live in Canada .

If you carry jumper cables in your car
And your wife knows how to use them,
You may live in Canada .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume
To fit over a snowsuit,
You may live in Canada .

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --
You're going 95 and everybody is passing you,
You may live in Canada .

If driving is better in the winter
Because the potholes are filled with snow,
You may live in Canada .

If you know all 4 seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter,
and road construction,
You may live in Canada .

If you have more miles
On your snow blower than your car,
You may live in Canada .

If you find -2 degrees 'a little chilly',
You may live in Canada .

If you actually understand these jokes,
and forward them to all
your friends,
you definitely are Canadian and proud to be.

 

[JDMopar]

I met a BUNCH of Canadian guys after Hurricane Florence wiped us out on the coast of NC. They all worked for a company called Holland Services. It's a bunch of old linemen who have retired from Canadian Power companies, and gone to work when needed for storm work with Holland Services. I had an absolute blast with these guys! They tried their best to get me better educated in French.....but I didn't learn much more than I did in high school. They talked about a lot of the stuff Jeff Foxworthy accuses y'all of....lol. Some of them had a little trouble saying my name, which is Jackie, and when I told them they could just call me Jacque if it was easier...….guess which song the broke into!! LOL. I hope I get to see them again someday.

 

[rumblefish360]

My company has Bombardier equipment, which is said like “Bom-bard-DE-A.” Remember, the language is French.

Anyway, we had a bunch of there personal come down to us to school us on the equipment. These guys were awesome. Fun, light hearted, ready to have fun. Our union rep/shop Stewart took them out on a few nights to show them around the city.

 

[Dartnut]

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canadians, during a recent appearance at Caesars in Windsor :

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,
You may live in Canada .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere
South of Kelowna for the weekend,
You may live in Canada .

If you measure distance in hours,
You may live in Canada .

If you know several people
Who have hit a deer more than once,
You may live in Canada .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'
In the same day and back again,
You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without flinching,
You may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both unlocked,
You may live in Canada .

If you carry jumper cables in your car
And your wife knows how to use them,
You may live in Canada .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume
To fit over a snowsuit,
You may live in Canada .

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --
You're going 95 and everybody is passing you,
You may live in Canada .

If driving is better in the winter
Because the potholes are filled with snow,
You may live in Canada .

If you know all 4 seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter,
and road construction,
You may live in Canada .

If you have more miles
On your snow blower than your car,
You may live in Canada .

If you find -2 degrees 'a little chilly',
You may live in Canada .

If you actually understand these jokes,
and forward them to all
your friends,
you definitely are Canadian and proud to be.

Great post, and yes, i agree with them all.
I especially like the ''pothills filled with snow'' one!

 

[Unconventional]

I got to spend an entire summer in Brandon Manitoba when I was a kid. The locals were the nicest bunch of folks you could ever hope to meet. My mother about had kittens when she found me sweeping the leaves off her friend's sidewalk with the Curling broom I had found in the garage I was 10 and from SoCal is Curling? It's a broom.

 

[JDMopar]

My company has Bombardier equipment, which is said like “Bom-bard-DE-A.” Remember, the language is French.

Anyway, we had a bunch of there personal come down to us to school us on the equipment. These guys were awesome. Fun, light hearted, ready to have fun. Our union rep/shop Stewart took them out on a few nights to show them around the city.

The Operations Manager was the one I spent the most time with. His name is Sean Marc, and after the first few minutes of talking to him, it was like we'd known each other our whole lives. Turns out, I'm 18 days older than him. They are a top notch outfit.

 

[ocdart]

If you measure distance in minutes or hours - and always add, "...depending on traffic".
You probably live in SoCal!

 

[famous bob]

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canadians, during a recent appearance at Caesars in Windsor :

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,
You may live in Canada .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere
South of Kelowna for the weekend,
You may live in Canada .

If you measure distance in hours,
You may live in Canada .

If you know several people
Who have hit a deer more than once,
You may live in Canada .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'
In the same day and back again,
You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without flinching,
You may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both unlocked,
You may live in Canada .

If you carry jumper cables in your car
And your wife knows how to use them,
You may live in Canada .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume
To fit over a snowsuit,
You may live in Canada .

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --
You're going 95 and everybody is passing you,
You may live in Canada .

If driving is better in the winter
Because the potholes are filled with snow,
You may live in Canada .

If you know all 4 seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter,
and road construction,
You may live in Canada .

If you have more miles
On your snow blower than your car,
You may live in Canada .

If you find -2 degrees 'a little chilly',
You may live in Canada .

If you actually understand these jokes,
and forward them to all
your friends,
you definitely are Canadian and proud to be.

More than one of these fit Oklahoma .

 

[chryslerfat]

Michigan is alot like our friendly Canada.

 

[emsvitil]

In Los Angeles we measure distance by hours........................

 

[Dfr360cuda]

You May Be A Taliban If ...

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy

US troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense of humor with the following,

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF......"

1. You refine ****** for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You have ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

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