Paraprosdokians

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Mark Wainwright

Mark Wainwright

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The first time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them.
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous.
(Sir Winston Churchill loved them)
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of an emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more thanstanding in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find someone older than me. Sadly this is true!!!
 
Mark Wainwright said:
The first time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them.
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous.
(Sir Winston Churchill loved them)
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of an emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more thanstanding in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find someone older than me. Sadly this is true!!!
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Lots of chuckles, lots of truth thanks for the smile
 
#16. That right there is the honest truth.
 
Tooljunkie said:
#16. That right there is the honest truth.
Click to expand...
Learning??
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paraprosdokians? I never heard that word before.
My spell check doesn't recognize it either.
9 out of 10 men who have tried Camels prefer women.
 
Go ahead and back up. The kid drives ahead 5’ then backs up boss just shaking his head.
 
On of my neighbours has a habit of using the phrase “Ya, No” like he understands the question but his answer is no. Irks me so what’s your answer yes or no?
 
Ahoey said:
On of my neighbours has a habit of using the phrase “Ya, No” like he understands the question but his answer is no. Irks me so what’s your answer yes or no?
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My one friend does that all the time. He doesn't realize he does it I'm sure.
 
Ahoey said:
On of my neighbours has a habit of using the phrase “Ya, No” like he understands the question but his answer is no. Irks me so what’s your answer yes or no?
Click to expand...
Ya, no, Ya=yes
No, ya, no=no
ya, no, fer sure=absolutely

#charlieberens
 
Mark Wainwright said:
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Click to expand...
Some people think you can inherit Christianity; like; your parents were so you must be too.
I think I read a poll that said 85% of those polled said they were Christians. That's a lotta lotta Christians in America.
Gee, I wonder where they are all hiding?
If the poll was true, America would not be in the pickle that it is in.


I like #15 too
 
Those are hilarious. Thanks for the laughs. I needed them badly.
 
I know I’m not any better with the things I’m committed to but I really try had not to push them on someone else. Nuff said.
 
Ahoey said:
I know I’m not any better with the things I’m committed to but I really try had not to push them on someone else. Nuff said.
Click to expand...
Exactly and well said. This is a car site not Sunday school. No offense but maybe you guys who want to talk bible start your own post and have fun with it.
 
at the top of the page it says;
" Off-topic Forums > Jokes, Funny Stuff, Anything Goes
Yaknow when you have a sliver under your fingernail, you usually stop everything in your life, as soon as it happens, and do something about it, right? Cuz you know that if you don't, by tomorrow it will be more difficult and more painful, and you will need a longer recovery time; am I right? Well, I invite you guys to think of me as your very own, personal, stinking, sliver.
 
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