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GOOD A Richardson, Texas policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem a 12-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with...

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. 'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,' he...

A man was driving through Wyoming one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and sputter and the engine slowly died, leaving him sitting by the road in total silence. He popped the hood and looked to see...

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, Surely I Can't Look That Old. Well.. You'll Love This One. My Name Is Alice Smith And I Was Sitting In The Waiting Room For My First Appointment With A New Dentist I Noticed His Dds Diploma, Which Bore His Full Name...

Are you one of 156,000,000? Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCane were flying to a convention. Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.' Hillary...

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that...

> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? > WITNESS: July 18th. > ATTORNEY: What year? > WITNESS: Every year. > _____________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks >...

Diary of a Minnesota winter..... December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we...

Christmas Cake > > > > Ingredients: > > > > * 2 cups flour > > * 1 stick butter > > * 1 cup of water > > * 1 tsp baking soda > > * 1 cup of sugar > > * 1 tsp salt > > * 1 cup of brown sugar > > * Lemon juice > > * 4 large eggs > > > > * Nuts > > * 1 bottle tequila > > * 2 cups of...

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied. "Two weeks ago when...

A virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. * * * * * * * * * Well, the boy...

There will be no Nativity Scene in the United States Congress, this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States capital this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a...

Is it Friday yet

Body: From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Breese, Illinois after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled...

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the...

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in. She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me -- this very moment." His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all...

I went into the 7-11 gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas. The clerk farted and gave me a receipt! :wack:

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - >> >>A carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding What pranks to >>play on the couple on their wedding night. >> >> >> >>The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a >>chuckle or two. >> >> >>...

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You CAN Be the Man Of Your House." He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm...

Husband and wife in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She: "Oh, that feels good." His hand moves to her breast. She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful." His hand moves to her leg. She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops. She: "Why did you stop?" He: "I...

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After...

> > > > >> Two very elderly friends, Max and Wally, met in >> >> the park every day to >> >> feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss >> >> world problems. One >> >> day Wally didn't show up Max didn't think much >> >> about it, figured maybe >> >> he had a cold or some such. >>...

A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming...

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My blonde co-worker asked me what I was doing? I...

> Hawkins Jr. Hi,'52,"Dropout"??? > Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin p eople to git cancer ?" > > "Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer. > > "And now someone is suin them fast food...

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking humans in Florida . .. . Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems. The result is a win-win-win situation: 1. Dig a moat the length of the Mexico...

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER 1. Sag, you're It. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Musical recliners. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy. SIGNS OF...

He grew up

I want one of these.

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself : Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?" Maxine: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs." Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?" Maxine: "No, they spread ."