What's Your Best Laxitive?

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  1. RustyRatRod

    RustyRatRod I was born on a Monday. Not last Monday. FABO Gold Member

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    I don't know why not.....everybody knows there's nuthin like a good poop.
     
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    • missing linc

      missing linc Loose nut behind the wheel

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      Like my black coffee every morning with breakfast, then straight to the throne.
       
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      • Ceedawg

        Ceedawg Well-Known Member

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        Wrong, 36 hours to go the complete system. If you do 4 hours you’re passing to fast to get what is needed from the food. Like the coin return on the drink machine, push the lever swoosh right to bottom.
         
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        • memike

          memike Super Moderator Staff Member FABO Gold Member

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          you got that right, I guess I am lucky (blessed) that I am a morning thrown man, everyday, Monday threw Sunday like clock work.
          But I would like to have a bathroom in my shop for the lady visitors I get.
           
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          • Car Nut

            Car Nut Mopar Master

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            Maybe you need a squatty potty, once and you’re done.

            D7AD0FC6-3D75-46D3-A300-3A52591A2209.jpeg
             
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            • j par

              j par Well-hung Member

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              So about 15 years ago I'm working with a friend at his company doing some high-rise window repair at this hospital on a weekend on one of those big lifts that shoots you up four stories... we go have lunch and I'm trying to tell him that I can't eat that kind of food McDonald's Jack in the box but he insists that it's cheap and we need to get something to eat and get back to work. I'm telling you I warned him...
              We get back to work get our rain clothes on get our safety harnesses on to attach your cells to this lift and head on up to the fourth floor it takes about 3 4 5 minutes for this thing to buzz all the way up. We don't work for 3 minutes I'm like oh god! We got to go down now! He's like just a minute I'm going to finish doing this caulking on this window I'm like no I grabbed the controls and start buzzing down he almost falls out LOL...
              He goes okay and comes over and runs the controls to continue buzzing us down as I'm taking my harness off undoing my rain gear and preparing for the inevitable. We get down to within 10 feet of the ground and I'm already ready to jump!...
              We're close to the side door so I run over there well semi run over there... And the doors are locked!.. crap!.. (pun intended..)
              So I do this half walk half run pinching my cheeks waddle all the way around the building to the emergency entrance of the hospital.. (again pun intended!!..)
              I go in and see the indication for the men's bathroom and make my way as quickly as human possible without trouble... I go into the bathroom around this little 5-ft corridor and there's nobody in there and there's a crapper stall a urinal and a sink and I go into the crapper stall turn around just in time hook my thumbs on my pants and miss my underwear and sit down and fill up my underwear on top of the toilet....
              Instantly I'm in huge trouble here!.. so now I'm trying to defy gravity and attempting to do some origami yoga moves to remove a leg from my underwear while still not letting them leave the space above the toilet...
              What's this!? The toilet just flushed?!... However I did it I was able to get both legs out and the toilet flushed again!?...
              I look behind me and it has the automatic seeing eye that flushes at... At this point the underwear clog the toilet and the water starts rising!... It wasn't too long before a couple more flushes and it overflowed onto the floor we're at that time I had to give a heavy kick to my pants that were now laying on the floor out of the stall area so they didn't get soaking wet... Now is where you start praying that nobody comes in!... I finally do the best wipe job I can muster up with about every bit of toilet paper and where to put it I don't know because the toilet keeps flushing and overflowing and flooding the entire bathroom... now instead of running for my pants I run for the door to look out into the hallway to see if anybody's coming! Nobody's coming...
              I do the best I can at the sink to clean myself and my legs the best I can...
              I should move back to say that I came in the building just in my socks cuz I had already kicked off my rain boots...
              Socks are now throw away they're wet...
              I gathered my pants up and put them on and again ran to the door to look out nobody's coming...
              I go back and do a little bit more washing look behind me and the whole entire bathroom is a hazmat catastrophe....
              I go back to my partner tell him all this and we get back up on the left and he says I smell terrible!.. we end up packing up early and going home and he makes me sit on a plastic bag in the middle of his van in the back all the way home...
              needless to say I've never been back to Jack in The box since and don't do McDonald's either...
              The first time I told that story it was to my best friend's wife and she kept begging me to stop as she was laying on the ground holding her side laughing so hard she was ready to pass out....
               
              Last edited: May 15, 2021
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              • Ceedawg

                Ceedawg Well-Known Member

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                I could never get up! Down that far I have to roll over on my knees then work my way back up.
                 
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                • missing linc

                  missing linc Loose nut behind the wheel

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                  :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
                  Funniest part of that whole story is I had similar experience replacing an overhead door at a feed mill in a small town working with my brother. I warned him that McD's and I do NOT get along. Same thing, he says "well it's cheap". I warned him, 20 feet up on a scissor lift, when it hit. LOL
                   
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                  • dibbons

                    dibbons Well-Known Member

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                    Exactly, that's what my body needs and it's going to get it (psyllium) from here on out.
                     
                  • diymirage

                    diymirage HP@idle > hondaHP@redline

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                    guess i misunderstood what you meant with "im out there for hours"
                    sounded to me like you were in the reading room for hours...so i offered a stool softener to help you read quicker
                     
                  • RustyRatRod

                    RustyRatRod I was born on a Monday. Not last Monday. FABO Gold Member

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                    No out in the shop for hours once the deed is done.
                     
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                    • ironbuilt

                      ironbuilt Usually Banned FABO Gold Member

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                      I always knew that you were full of shit!! :poke::lol:
                       
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                      • Magnum Valiant

                        Magnum Valiant Well-Known Member

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                      • Magnum Valiant

                        Magnum Valiant Well-Known Member

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                        Prunes
                         
                      • RustyRatRod

                        RustyRatRod I was born on a Monday. Not last Monday. FABO Gold Member

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                        PRUNE JUICE.jpg
                         
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                        • krazykuda

                          krazykuda Well-Known Member FABO Gold Member How-To Section Editor

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                          Install a bathroom in the garage....

                          Then you won't have to do the "run of shame" to the inside bathroom...
                           
                        • RustyRatRod

                          RustyRatRod I was born on a Monday. Not last Monday. FABO Gold Member

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                          We do live in the woods. I could just run behind the shop and drop trou.
                           
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                          • krazykuda

                            krazykuda Well-Known Member FABO Gold Member How-To Section Editor

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                            Tony Fields had a bathroom inside his garage... It's a great idea.... All you need was a fridge and microwave out there and you could live out of it....
                             
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                            • krazykuda

                              krazykuda Well-Known Member FABO Gold Member How-To Section Editor

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                              Be careful not to grab a poison ivy leaf for TP.... runaway.gif

                              I live near the woods also... You have to watch out for poison oak and poison ivy.... :eek:
                               
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                              • RustyRatRod

                                RustyRatRod I was born on a Monday. Not last Monday. FABO Gold Member

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                                I'm actually immune to poison ivy. I ate it when I was a kid. Been immune to it ever since. Never had it or any of the rest of it.
                                 
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                                • 67 gt

                                  67 gt A Wog boy who loves his Mopars ! FABO Gold Member

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                                  Full cream milk or flavoured milk man that’s deadly ! Once drunk need to be close to a thrown as I have 10 minutes lean way..
                                   
                                • harrisonm

                                  harrisonm Well-Known Member

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                                  Yeah, Mike. This is a shitty thread, isn't it. Oh well, we are all getting old. Next thing you know, we'll all be talking about our prostates and ED.
                                   
                                • RustyRatRod

                                  RustyRatRod I was born on a Monday. Not last Monday. FABO Gold Member

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                                  So I guess that's supposed to give a "straighter shot"?
                                   
                                • RustyRatRod

                                  RustyRatRod I was born on a Monday. Not last Monday. FABO Gold Member

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                                  I've been real blessed in that department. "So far" all that still works purt near as good as it did when I was 18. Course it helps to have a willin partner.
                                   
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                                  • RustyRatRod

                                    RustyRatRod I was born on a Monday. Not last Monday. FABO Gold Member

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                                    I near bout shit myself laughin at this.
                                     
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