What are your favorite/most interesting sayings, aphorisms, metaphors, similes,etc.

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Women have sex to get married and men get married to have sex!

Also, be careful picking a fight with an old guy, if he is too old to fight he might just kill you.

my 2 cents
 
"I was Once Young, Dum & FULL of Cum - Now I'm Old, Cold (Thanks to Cumadin) and Full of Mold" My wife used to sleep close to me to get warm - now i'ts the other way around!!!
 
" You don't look at the mantle piece when your poking the fire."
 
She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on th way down.

Do you guys know what a 2 bagger is?

You have to put a bag over YOUR head in case her's breaks!
 
I told my dentist this and he couldn't stop laughing. I said that I figured that I'd better take care of my teeth because I didn't want moon teeth. He said moon teeth, what's that? I said they come out at night LOL
 
If I had a dollar for every guy who told me he used to have a car that would "Yank the front tires off the ground."........I'd have enough money to build one that would.
 
"Don't feed me a sh*t sandwich and tell me it's a slice of sugar pie."

Quote from an old hog farmer.
 
I bet her p*ssy is tighter than a mouse's ear...

Off like a prom dress...

Eat your salad before it gets cold...

We have a pool and a pond, the pond will be good for you...

Hey Whitey, where's your hat...

Where are the white women at???

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGQ-ISsDm8M&feature=related"]Where are the white women at? - YouTube[/ame]
 
To the tight wad you know: "He's tighter than a frogs ***" So how tight is a frogs ***?---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------WATER TIGHT!!!!!!!!
 
"It only takes one to take up space ;
It takes two to recognise a face ;
More than 'you' is a disgrace"

"See a broad to get that bodiac ; lay'er down an' smack 'em yack 'em !"

"Nuttier than Bat ****"
 
He's so tight (miserly) that he squeeks when he walks.
I don't need to outrun the lion, I just need to outrun YOU!
When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it.

and my tag line, of course.........
 
damn that looks like a sack of smashed assholes.

focus on things you can control, if you worry on things you cannot control you'll die a very young death.

rodney dangerfield: she's an earth sign and im a water sign: together we make mud.
 
I like one of Rodney's other ones......
The last time I saw a face like that.....it had a hook in it!
 
Don't let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ***.

Busier than a one legged man in an *** kicking contest.
 
Don't make me ***** slap you.

I'm gonna kick you in the *** so hard, you'll have a **** taste in your mouth.

I'll rip off your head and **** in your neck. (Full Metal Jacket)
 
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