What are your favorite/most interesting sayings, aphorisms, metaphors, similes,etc.

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LXguy

LXguy

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Hey:

Anyone have any unusual phrases they thought were clever or interesting.

I have certainly heard a few in the time I've been on here. Maybe they're new, maybe just new to me....

"Quiet as a mouse peeing on cotton" was the latest that I hadn't heard before...

"Tighter than a hummingbird's tweet" was also pretty good.

"War was easier than daughters."

Anyone?
:happy1:
 
Happier than a sissy with a bagful of dic*s
Happier than a 2 pecker hound dog.
Raining like a cow pissin on a flat rock.
Queer as a 3 dollar bill.
I got a million of em just can't remember em all
 
"I didn't know whether to sh*t or go blind"....

As in, That car looked so nasty, "I didn't know whether to sh*t or go blind".


"Cool Beans" - I just like saying "coolbeans". As in, "You pulled 525HP fromthat new Stroker?"... "Cool Beans!"
 
Keep an open mind.
Because your mind is like a parachute.
If it ain't open, it don't work.

If you want it, I got it.
If I don't got it, I'll get it.
If I can't get it, you don't need it.

Happier than a three legged man in an *** kicking contest.

Happier than two pigs in ****.
 
Hotter than a freshly fornicated fox in a forest fire wearing insulated underwear.
hotter than two rats F*#@ing in a wool sock
colder than a witch's titty in a brass brazier
its dryer than a popcorn fart
smells worse than a dead skunk getting a perm in front of a sewage plant.
worthless as a one legged man in an *** kicking contest
 
I have a VERY beat - to- sh$$ grandfather to this Makital hammer drill. I bought it "pre beat," used. It had no front grip, so I welded a piece of pipe to a muffler clamp. It was NO thing of beauty

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I used to ask people to "please avert your eyes while I unsheath the world's ugliest hammer drill."

A few of them got the joke


"This job is more damn fun that a great big barrel of really ugly monkeys."

"For a small phenomenal fee......"

Our old 2" PVC pipe cutter..............

"Hand me Lorena, will ya?" (You know, lorena bobbitt, who did surgery on her husband?)

Other person, "standard greeting" "Hi, howarya?"

ME "Do I have to tell the truth?"

IF no, I say, in obvious humorous scarcasm, "GREAT, GREAT, everything is GREAT, could not possibly be better!!!"

If yes, I gently tell them "you don't have TIME for the truth"

"Hi, I'm looking for those coffee mugs that say "Worlds Greatest Dad" in case I have some kids I don't know about."
 
Sweating like a ***** in church
Colder than a well diggers ***.
Hornier than a 2 pecker billy goat.
 
Wife and I use little bits from Steve Martins The Jerk almost daily.
I'll share a couple of my own...
" I'm busy as a cat with diarrhea. "
When the go for gal at work asked me if I wanted lunch
" My job is running so good today I want a happy meal."
 
When kids think they are know it alls, I counter with "Look I know more about being young then you do about being older". Stumps most of them.
 
Badsport said:
When kids think they are know it alls, I counter with "Look I know more about being young then you do about being older". Stumps most of them.
Click to expand...

As is typical for most all teenagers, my son thought he knew everything. I finally got fed up and told him, "You think you have all the answers, but you don't even know the questions yet!"
 
Makes more noise than 2 skeletons F&^king in a tin roof, in a thunderstorn, wearing beer cans for rubbers.

:D Thats loud!

Geo
 
Up n down like a whores pants on payday

I got more cant think of em right now...ones Ive heard on here I like are
"cant fix stupid" and "stuck on stupid"
I like badsports, the being young and old..thats good and true!
 
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