What are your favorite/most interesting sayings, aphorisms, metaphors, similes,etc.

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Badsport said:
When kids think they are know it alls, I counter with "Look I know more about being young then you do about being older". Stumps most of them.
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ocdart said:
As is typical for most all teenagers, my son thought he knew everything. I finally got fed up and told him, "You think you have all the answers, but you don't even know the questions yet!"
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When I worked in HVAC service, a woman had a magnet on her refrigerator:

"Teenagers!! Quick!! Move out now while you still know everything!!"
 
Had a friend whose favorite saying was "harder than a honeymoon dic*"...
 
Uglier than a mud fence.
Fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Busyer than a three peckered billy goat.
Forgotten more than you'll ever learn.
Done more work the first hour i was here than you'll do all day/week.

If you see something that's neat i say [that's swoopy].
 
Hotter than a three balled tom cat.

I cut it three times and it's still to short.

It don't look to bad if you close on eye and look real quick.

Fu%k, fight, or hold the light.
 
Hotter than the inside of a Russian wrestler's jock.

Happier than a cat with 4 assholes and diarrhea.

Tighter than a gnat's *** stretched over a doorknob.

Slicker than greased eel ****.
 
Wackier than a bag of hammers
Dumb as a post
So cheap he can squeeze a nickel and hear the beaver squeal
Clean and simple like your sister
 
"Dumber than a box of hammers"

"If It don't fit, force It,....If It breaks,It needed replacing anyway"

From my Navy days,.."If It don't move, paint It,...If It moves, Salute It"

"Tighter than 2 fat men in a phone booth"

"Ain't smart enough to pour piss out of a boot"

"On It like a fat gal sittin on a golf ball,....nuthin but dimples"

"Ain't got the commom sense of a doorknob"

"Common sense and dollars and sense don't work together"

"Got the attitude of a bent shitcan"

"Sticks out loke a woodie in sweat pants"

" If ya took his brain and put it on the edge of a razorblade, It would look like a pea rollin down a 4-lane highway"

"She's looser than a hotdog in a hallway"

And my recent fav, which I saw here on FABO,.."Beat to fit, Paint to match"
 
you can **** the fans,but not the players. you can pick your friends and you nose ,but you cant wipe your friends under the couch. what does a virgin ans a baloon have in common?one prick at its gone. thats it for now.
 
If not us, who? And if not now, when?
"Im from the government, and Im here to help you..."(yeah, right!)
 
You know how you plant kudzoo? Throw it under a cinder block in a paved parking lot and run!

When he came around that corner sideways, his *** must have been drawn up tighter than a knat's ***!

What are you supposed to be, some sort of half-assed astronaut? (Jaws)

Looked like some sort of half assed astronaut getting out of that car. (me talking about some ricers)

Colder than a *****'s heart (I hear this from my neighbor, a Veteran)

Stiffer than a wedding prick (neighbor also)


.
 
I darn near forgot my life's philosophy

"you cannot break it if it's broken, but you can fix it so it cannot be fixed."
 
Can't believe no one has said this yet.

Gas,Grass,or ***.....Nobody rides for free !
 
to my wife "im harder than a bag full of jolly ranchers"

You couldnt pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the bottom

Dont take any wooden nickels
 
A wise man once said "Don't put your glasses where you sit". <bOb

Also,

Don't piss into the wind.

Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining.

Shinier than a new dime in a goats ***.
 
Colder than a witch's ti**y in a brass bra.

Just a c*nt hair more.

You can do it once the right way, or do it over and over the wrong way.

Drive it.

Shoot it.

He's so tight, you couldn't pull a pin out of his @$$ with a tractor.

When it comes to atvs, honda is the right brand.

Ain't no thang like a chicken wing.

Shoot, shovel, shut-up.
 
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