cannucky
The Guy With No Birthday
Even God hates a coward
Get off your knees it ain't payday
Get off your knees it ain't payday
What are your favorite/most interesting sayings, aphorisms, metaphors, similes,etc.
- Thread starter LXguy
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funwithfuel
Well-Known Member
Boy, if'n you don't straighten up , I'ma gonna stomp a mudhole in yer *** and walk ya' dry.
If it don't fit ,force it. If that don't get it get a bigger fu** in hammer.
The last time I saw sumthin like that , I was at the zoo , staring at a goats ***.
I'll pound you like a fu**in tent peg.
Old age and treachery replaces youth and skill.
Hold my beer, watch this. (also famous last words )
If it don't fit ,force it. If that don't get it get a bigger fu** in hammer.
The last time I saw sumthin like that , I was at the zoo , staring at a goats ***.
I'll pound you like a fu**in tent peg.
Old age and treachery replaces youth and skill.
Hold my beer, watch this. (also famous last words )
seabee
Well-Known Member
"I'll give you something to cry about!" -Mom.
efriedrich
69 383S
You can't polish a turd.
jaimus
Old School ASE Gold
"Looked like her face caught fire an was put it out with an icepick and a bag of nickles"
"Movin like his head was on fire an his *** was catchin"
"Hard tellin not knowin"
"Fixin that is like puttin lipstick on a pig"
"Rectum?...Damn near killed him"
"Check It or Wreck It"
"She's so hot, I'd eat a pound of her **** just to see if she had corn for dinner"
"Movin like his head was on fire an his *** was catchin"
"Hard tellin not knowin"
"Fixin that is like puttin lipstick on a pig"
"Rectum?...Damn near killed him"
"Check It or Wreck It"
"She's so hot, I'd eat a pound of her **** just to see if she had corn for dinner"
Marriage is like flies on a screen door, just as many trying to get out as there are trying to get in! lol
I"m too poor to pay attention
Nuttier than a squirrel turd
He's Nucking futz
I'd crawl through a mile of broken glass naked just to sniff her underwear!
I"m too poor to pay attention
Nuttier than a squirrel turd
He's Nucking futz
I'd crawl through a mile of broken glass naked just to sniff her underwear!
mullinax95
Well-Known Member
I'd rather slide down a 100 foot razor blade into a vat of rubbing alcohol
" Never argue with a Moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
Rocky_JS
'cuda
I'm gonna make like a fetus and head out
Rocky_JS
'cuda
george carlin: think about how stupid the average person is and imagine 1/2 are more stupid than that
green1
Well-Known Member
When I first became a superintendent, the president of the company came out to the job. He said" you are going to screw something up, trying to come up with a faster/cheaper way to build it. Don't feel bad when it doesn't work like you thought. I screw things up everyday. But, if you screw the samething up twice; we will be having a talk".
Best advice I ever got.
Best advice I ever got.
MoparMuscleGuy
Still plays with cars.
I can see you want to have a battle of the wits but I noticed you have come unarmed.
"If you know, you know. If you don't, shut the truck up."
I live by this one.
I live by this one.
George R
Mopar Nutcase
While at work...............
I'd rather sandpaper a bobcat's *** in a phone booth than do this job.
I'd rather sandpaper a bobcat's *** in a phone booth than do this job.
Heard one in a movie yesterday that suited this thread.
"Queer as a football bat".
Remember one I heard years ago,
It's as long as a cats tail if you measure it like a cats tail... from the ashole out."
You can guess what he was talking about.
"Queer as a football bat".
Remember one I heard years ago,
It's as long as a cats tail if you measure it like a cats tail... from the ashole out."
You can guess what he was talking about.
terzmo
Well-Known Member
I remember everything; I have a pornographic memory
Is a pigs *** pork ?
Shittin in high cotton
is a frogs *** waterproof?..
and after the obvious...."no **** Sherlock"
Is a pigs *** pork ?
Shittin in high cotton
is a frogs *** waterproof?..
and after the obvious...."no **** Sherlock"
bbeep71
Well-Known Member
It's mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most (Ozzie O.)
Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most (Ozzie O.)
cjh
Well-Known Member
You can't polish a turd, but, you can roll it in glitter.
Trying to make **** into strawberry jam.
I am actually faster than my dad thought he was.
It's a speed thing.....you wouldn't understand.
Off like a bride's nightie. ( quick )
Got a face like a dropped pie. ( ugly )
Got a face like a smashed crab. ( also ugly )
It's as hot as Hades. ( damn hot )
Gotta hit the frog 'n' toad. ( hit the road )
Gotta go drop the kids off at the pool.....( does not actually mean that....it's goin to take a **** ).
Gotta go back one out ( same thing ^^^^^^).
Goin down like a lead balloon. ( sinkin fast )
As dry as a wooden god. ( very dry )
As dry as a dead dingo's donger. ( also very dry )
Does the Pope wear a dress? ( of course he does........doesn't he? )
Goin off like a frog in a sock. ( gone nuts in a fight )
As dumb as a box of hammers. ( just dumb )
As happy as a pig in ****. ( real happy )
pig's arse ( meaning they just lied to you ).
As rare as rockin horse ****. ( very hard to find)
Went like a cut snake. ( fast)
Went like a scoldered cat. (also fast )
Runs like a hairy goat ( not very well ).
Screams like a wounded bull. ( very loud )
Nuttier than a fruitcake. ( just fvckin nuts )
Not the sharpest tool in the shed. ( a little bit ....dull )
About as bright as a black hole. ( still dull )
Several sangas short of a picnic. ( mentally not there )
Too many Roo's loose in the top paddock. ( also not there)
As bent as a Boxing Day turd. ( crooked )
He's as camp as a row of tents. ( he's a poofter )
More arse than a bus full of Poofters ( means too lucky ).
Trying to make **** into strawberry jam.
I am actually faster than my dad thought he was.
It's a speed thing.....you wouldn't understand.
Off like a bride's nightie. ( quick )
Got a face like a dropped pie. ( ugly )
Got a face like a smashed crab. ( also ugly )
It's as hot as Hades. ( damn hot )
Gotta hit the frog 'n' toad. ( hit the road )
Gotta go drop the kids off at the pool.....( does not actually mean that....it's goin to take a **** ).
Gotta go back one out ( same thing ^^^^^^).
Goin down like a lead balloon. ( sinkin fast )
As dry as a wooden god. ( very dry )
As dry as a dead dingo's donger. ( also very dry )
Does the Pope wear a dress? ( of course he does........doesn't he? )
Goin off like a frog in a sock. ( gone nuts in a fight )
As dumb as a box of hammers. ( just dumb )
As happy as a pig in ****. ( real happy )
pig's arse ( meaning they just lied to you ).
As rare as rockin horse ****. ( very hard to find)
Went like a cut snake. ( fast)
Went like a scoldered cat. (also fast )
Runs like a hairy goat ( not very well ).
Screams like a wounded bull. ( very loud )
Nuttier than a fruitcake. ( just fvckin nuts )
Not the sharpest tool in the shed. ( a little bit ....dull )
About as bright as a black hole. ( still dull )
Several sangas short of a picnic. ( mentally not there )
Too many Roo's loose in the top paddock. ( also not there)
As bent as a Boxing Day turd. ( crooked )
He's as camp as a row of tents. ( he's a poofter )
More arse than a bus full of Poofters ( means too lucky ).
cjh
Well-Known Member
You can't polish a turd, but, you can roll it in glitter.
Trying to make **** into strawberry jam.
I am actually faster than my dad thought he was.
It's a speed thing.....you wouldn't understand.
Off like a bride's nightie. ( quick )
Got a face like a dropped pie. ( ugly )
Got a face like a smashed crab. ( also ugly )
It's as hot as Hades. ( damn hot )
Gotta hit the frog 'n' toad. ( hit the road )
Gotta go drop the kids off at the pool.....( does not actually mean that....it's goin to take a **** ).
Gotta go back one out ( same thing ^^^^^^).
Goin down like a lead balloon. ( sinkin fast )
As dry as a wooden god. ( very dry )
As dry as a dead dingo's donger. ( also very dry )
Does the Pope wear a dress? ( of course he does........doesn't he? )
Goin off like a frog in a sock. ( gone nuts in a fight )
As dumb as a box of hammers. ( just dumb )
As happy as a pig in ****. ( real happy )
pig's arse ( meaning they just lied to you ).
As rare as rockin horse ****. ( very hard to find)
Went like a cut snake. ( fast)
Went like a scoldered cat. (also fast )
Runs like a hairy goat ( not very well ).
Screams like a wounded bull. ( very loud )
Nuttier than a fruitcake. ( just fvckin nuts )
Not the sharpest tool in the shed. ( a little bit ....dull )
About as bright as a black hole. ( still dull )
Several sangas short of a picnic. ( mentally not there )
Too many Roo's loose in the top paddock. ( also not there)
As bent as a Boxing Day turd. ( crooked )
He's as camp as a row of tents. ( he's a poofter )
More arse than a bus full of Poofters ( means too lucky ).
Trying to make **** into strawberry jam.
I am actually faster than my dad thought he was.
It's a speed thing.....you wouldn't understand.
Off like a bride's nightie. ( quick )
Got a face like a dropped pie. ( ugly )
Got a face like a smashed crab. ( also ugly )
It's as hot as Hades. ( damn hot )
Gotta hit the frog 'n' toad. ( hit the road )
Gotta go drop the kids off at the pool.....( does not actually mean that....it's goin to take a **** ).
Gotta go back one out ( same thing ^^^^^^).
Goin down like a lead balloon. ( sinkin fast )
As dry as a wooden god. ( very dry )
As dry as a dead dingo's donger. ( also very dry )
Does the Pope wear a dress? ( of course he does........doesn't he? )
Goin off like a frog in a sock. ( gone nuts in a fight )
As dumb as a box of hammers. ( just dumb )
As happy as a pig in ****. ( real happy )
pig's arse ( meaning they just lied to you ).
As rare as rockin horse ****. ( very hard to find)
Went like a cut snake. ( fast)
Went like a scoldered cat. (also fast )
Runs like a hairy goat ( not very well ).
Screams like a wounded bull. ( very loud )
Nuttier than a fruitcake. ( just fvckin nuts )
Not the sharpest tool in the shed. ( a little bit ....dull )
About as bright as a black hole. ( still dull )
Several sangas short of a picnic. ( mentally not there )
Too many Roo's loose in the top paddock. ( also not there)
As bent as a Boxing Day turd. ( crooked )
He's as camp as a row of tents. ( he's a poofter )
More arse than a bus full of Poofters ( means too lucky ).
Dartnut
Don't hate me because i'm beautiful
Crooked as a dog's hind leg
Happy as a baby in a barrel full of titties
Dumb as a post
Stinks like a cow pasture after a napalm attack
I've had more ups and downs than a new bride's pajamas
I'm busier than a set of jumper cables at a redneck funeral
She talks so much her tongue is sunburned
She's a ''Butter face''. Everything is sexy butter face.
Either **** or get off the pot
It got knocked off like a ***** off a statue
Drive it like a rented mule
Does a frog have a water tight ***?
She's so fat, i would roll her in flour and go for the wet spot
He's so ugly, they had to tie a pork chop on his head so that the dogs would play with him
It's so cold, piss freezes before it hits the ground
There's so much snow here, you had to jack up the cows to milk them
It's so windy, a chicken laid the same egg twice
He looks like he was beaten with an ugly stick
Advice: don't piss upwind, pet a burning dog, or lick the monkey bars
She's got an elevator c***, always room for one more
Ram the daughter, Dodge the father
Useless as tits on a boar
Crazy as a shithouse mouse
He's spending money like a drunken sailor on shore leave
I've got more miles in reverse than you have in forward
It's not the flick of the dick that does the trick, it's the blob on the knob that does the job.
Happy as a baby in a barrel full of titties
Dumb as a post
Stinks like a cow pasture after a napalm attack
I've had more ups and downs than a new bride's pajamas
I'm busier than a set of jumper cables at a redneck funeral
She talks so much her tongue is sunburned
She's a ''Butter face''. Everything is sexy butter face.
Either **** or get off the pot
It got knocked off like a ***** off a statue
Drive it like a rented mule
Does a frog have a water tight ***?
She's so fat, i would roll her in flour and go for the wet spot
He's so ugly, they had to tie a pork chop on his head so that the dogs would play with him
It's so cold, piss freezes before it hits the ground
There's so much snow here, you had to jack up the cows to milk them
It's so windy, a chicken laid the same egg twice
He looks like he was beaten with an ugly stick
Advice: don't piss upwind, pet a burning dog, or lick the monkey bars
She's got an elevator c***, always room for one more
Ram the daughter, Dodge the father
Useless as tits on a boar
Crazy as a shithouse mouse
He's spending money like a drunken sailor on shore leave
I've got more miles in reverse than you have in forward
It's not the flick of the dick that does the trick, it's the blob on the knob that does the job.
SpeedracerX
Still on this side of the dirt member
I'll be right back, I have to take the browns to the superbowl
If it ain't broke don't fix it
Happier than a pig in **** on a warm summer day
My mamma only raises two fools, that was my brother and sister (modify the numbers and genders to fit your situation)
My grandmother drives faster than this and she's been dead 20 f-ING years!
It is what it is (I use that one daily)
When some asks you what's up? Reply with 'a chickens *** when it eats'
If it ain't broke don't fix it
Happier than a pig in **** on a warm summer day
My mamma only raises two fools, that was my brother and sister (modify the numbers and genders to fit your situation)
My grandmother drives faster than this and she's been dead 20 f-ING years!
It is what it is (I use that one daily)
When some asks you what's up? Reply with 'a chickens *** when it eats'
funwithfuel
Well-Known Member
I'm so broke , I can't afford to pay attention
This place is so small, you gotta go outside to change yer mind.
This place is so small, you gotta go outside to change yer mind.
Those of you who think you know everything, really annoy those of us who do. :grin:
daredevil
Well-Known Member
Man, 5 pages and no one posted if a Bullfrog had wings he wouldnt bump his ***. I like Tommy Lee Jones in no home for old men.If it aint a mess it will damn sure work till the mess gets here.Or the one my dad used. Are you a duck?If not quit sticking your bill up my ***.Runs like a striped ape.
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