Life Can Change Real Fast

[1wild&crazyguy]

Junior, it seems to me you're getting a lot of really great advice as well as some that's really awful.

You'd have to be a guy in this position like so many of have been before to understand where all this, as you call it..'awful' advice comes from, not so bad when you can actually understand the view from the other side of the fence.

so get this....no body is saying that all women are snakes, just a lot of them.
good women are hard to find, meanwhile I'm sure there are some good women saying 'hey, I'm right here ya idiot'....
btw the same could be said for dudes-other side of the coin.

I hope you get it now.

 

[CudaChick1968]

First off 1wild, it wasn't YOUR advice I was talking about and I resent the implication that you believe I have nothing worthwhile to say on the subject due to my gender and not "being on the right side of the fence." You guys should know by now I don't think like "most women" and try to approach things logically versus emotionally.

I worked in the legal field for over 19 years, several of which were spent in Family Law (divorce, custody, infidelity, etc.) and five spent working for a Father's Rights attorney so I know full well how truly evil women can be when they believe they've been "wronged" -- in all the many forms women can believe this LOL.

I am not posting to start an argument or defend my position. I'm here today, as I was yesterday, simply to offer support and a willing ear to the friend who started this thread. Let's respectfully keep it on topic and avoid the personal attacks.

 

[dodgedifferent2]

also be careful ... if she moves back in ....

She will be trying to set you up to get you arrested. Then she can get the house with ease.

The law will look at it that she left so she has no connection to the house. Its yours.
Put your cars in your sons name and say that you sold the car to them. She will be entitled to half the amount you sold them for.

Her best interest is to have you arrested for assault. TAPE RECORD EVERYTHING!!!!
The law in Ontario Canada states that you only have to have one person agree to being recording and that person is yourself.

Do not agree to anything... she will manipulate you to get HER way ... Even if you cannot see what she is plotting 90% chance there is a plot to manipulate you for something.
Also always have a witness at your side so she cannot accuse you of assaulting her. Police in Canada are trained to arrest the male in any domestic dispute. The female can be beating the crap out of you and breaking your limbs, but when the police show up. The male will ALWAYS be arrested. The law is very discriminatory when it comes to a domestic. Been down this road somewhat.

My sister is a paralegal and has told me the story of the wife returning home and living with her potential ex husband. The lawyer was telling the lady to get him charged with assault and removed from the house in order for her to gain the upper hand in the possesion of the house. She was told to go to great lengths to do this in order to have the upper hand. If she proved that the guy was aggressive at any point then the guy would have paid out the *** for years to come.

The law in Canada scares the **** out of me because it favors the female in child custody and seperation. (went down the child custody route)
Also when talking to a lawyer ... record him as well. That way if he admits he screwed up, your legal bill will be reduced because of his own fault.

Best line of defence is a defence where a digital recorder is used. Cheapest insurance you will ever pay. Let the wife see the recorder when in conversation so she knows that you are not going to put up with bullshit. And do not let somebody tell you that you cannot record the conversation.

Recorders are also allowable in the court room!!!! under the Ontario Courts of Justice act. I forget the section its under at the moment.

 

[briankaplan]

Hang in there buddy. Keep your faith in God. He will help you through it.
He has helped the wife and me in the past couple years. We are even closer
now thanks to him. He will help you decide on what you need.
Keep your family and friends close to you. They will help also.

 

[zhandfull]

Seems most here think juniors wife has changed overnight into some monster just because she is not happy. I have no ideal what is really happening. But I think a little respect for the wife he was in love with is in order. I'm assuming that they have been married for a long time. From a far it seems she has probably shared in raising their two grown sons. No matter how you look at it she is a person, a wife, a daughter, and quite possible the mother of the two children.

Some of the advice regarding how to treat the wife seems pretty harsh for what has been shared by junior up to this point. Some of that advice may be spot on or it may be completely off base and uncalled for in this situation. I think the support is great but maybe think twice before bashing the wife.

 

[mullinax95]

Mate,been through it myself.
i just immerse myself in work and hobbies.
Was probably so i didn't dwell on the problems.
Worked for me!!!

Uhhh that's why he was in the garage in the first place.............. to get away from the problem!!!

Seems most here think juniors wife has changed overnight into some monster just because she is not happy. I have no ideal what is really happening. But I think a little respect for the wife he was in love with is in order. I'm assuming that they have been married for a long time. From a far it seems she has probably shared in raising their two grown sons. No matter how you look at it she is a person, a wife, a daughter, and quite possible the mother of the two children.

Some of the advice regarding how to treat the wife seems pretty harsh for what has been shared by junior up to this point. Some of that advice may be spot on or it may be completely off base and uncalled for in this situation. I think the support is great but maybe think twice before bashing the wife.

Uhhhhh you can wake up now!!!

 

[rumblefish360]

Zhandfull, it's a safe than sorry approach advise from the been down that road and got screwed crowd. Theres no harm in it.

 

[cosgig]

I agree with 66Cuda...don't allow her to come to the house under any circumstances. Meet in a public place, listen to what she has to say, don't offer anything other than a listening ear, don't agree to anything. And above all, be calm, cool and collected. If it even hints of getting out of hand, just excuse yourself and leave. There's something going on here, and if you're not ready for the meeting, just decline. She'll call back, I guarantee it!! I wish the best for you, but please protect yourself and do not allow her access to the house, garage or your heart. She's not thinking of you, and it sounds like someone has put her up to this meeting. I would also change the locks on the house and if it comes to a split, only comply with the court ordered seperation. My prayers are with you for peace in your heart during this time!!! Geof

 

[racerkilla]

I agree, public place or with witnesses.. When my mom and dad split, she got restraining order... yada.. etc My uncle calls saying my mom needs money. My dad sent her a check..she made a copy of it, cashed it then went to lawyer for violation of restraining order. Away my old man went to jail. So not same in your case but just be very careful. She could come back to the house call the police and have you removed from the property.

 

[zhandfull]

Zhandfull, it's a safe than sorry approach advise from the been down that road and got screwed crowd. Theres no harm in it.

Yea I understand completely, But based on what has been said here there is a lot of assumptions even on my part. I assume married for 20+ years and had two kids with this woman. Others sound like they were married for 6 months and now she digging for gold. Yet she deserves dirt. could be either! I don't know and neither does anyone that only read this thread.

I'm just saying have a little respect for HIS feelings by not bashing his wife. It's pretty clear to me that she meant a lot to him. Public forum I understand but why bash the wife? Good preventive advice is great but why bash his wife? He hasn't as far as I can tell. At least to this point in time!

 

[67DartGT340]

Sorry to hear about all this junior. It woulod hurt at anytime, but at this time of year even more. Try your best to keep looking up and hopefully things work out for you in the end.

 

[1964 hippo]

did it 5 times the hurt will go away you have to go on and let it go or it will eat you up.
Me I just cut my loss and moved on. Just go fishing more fish out there !!

But just the same sorry to here about your loss just like a good car you have too work hard to keep it running in tip top shape but sometimes the engine just quit and you have to start over with a new one.

 

[73dart360]

Sorry to hear that ,I went through a similar situation last year and i also posted on here , this site and these good people got me through my hard time, now i would never look back ,here is a response that really sunk in, i saved it and often go back and read this ----from MRMOPARTEC- If you need help,I can call you and talk.Trust me when I say I have been through a hell of alot worse,as I have been down the road of the divorce,and its a breeze compared to having to ID your son in a car accident and do all funeral arrangemnets and the rest of the BS,life changes your way of thinking and what means the most.There are two kids that need you the most,not the 38 year old kid.You had them before her,and it will always be that way,and until you are placed in the ground,you care for them,always.You don,t need some one that is going after some memory from the past,either a parnter loves you for you and the way you are or its the high way,you plant your feet firm the dirt and don,t move.Its hard some times,trust me,been there done that,bought the T-shirt,and had to sell the name thing to put food on table.A true freind,partner,husband/wife is one that goes through the thick/thin times,and does not bail only after a little bit of time.The real deal person is the one that goes through the thick and thicker times,and these people are few and far between.The members are here for you and me and the wife,and we are just a key pad away or a phone call,mrmopartech

 

[racerkilla]

theres a lot of good people here..talk to them, i had a some problems month back or so back and a few members stepped up and talked with me in pm's.. Helped talking to someone that doesn't know you or judge you. Any encouragement helps

 

[1GTMOPAR]

If you can stand on two feet, breathe and function, you always have a fighting chance. I was involved in a major accident that left me paralyzed so if you think **** is real hard you need to step back and think about that. I've managed to forge ahead and still do all the things i want in life. I'm even restoring my dart 100% by myself. Its tough but i'm doing it. Material stuff can always be replaced.

 

[mullinax95]

73dart360 and 1GTMOPAR have both hit on something. It could be worse. What you're going through is gravy train compared to the things that happened in those two posts.

 

[dustoff440]

That is why even though a few of our assets are co-mingled that the cars are in my brothers name only and I have a secret cash only nest egg that I have built up over 20 years. I love my wife dearly and hope nothing like this happens to me. She will have to leave me and in Fl the divorce laws don't rape the husband like in other states. My brothers wife left him, (in Georgia)got the house which he has to pay off at 1500 a month, he has to pay off 100k in credit card debt that they both rang up, and he has to keep a term life policy for 300k on himself that costs 300 a month. He makes really good money but by the time he pays for all her stuff he is strapped for cash and is barely making it. She even had the gall to show up in court with a neck brace and cane feigning that she had extremely disabling injuries. I trust my wife implicity but not enough to go broke if she leaves me. My hugest concern is for my son and how it would affect him. He will be leaving for college in a few years and even though it would hurt tremendously I could weather it better if my son werent home.

 

[junior]

My wife came to the house Sunday. Let me clear up a few things,I am not a holyroller and I don't spend much time in church but I do believe in God and I do talk to him alot, my coversations with the Lord are allways private and on a personal level. This is my second marrage. My wife is not the mother of either son,I do have a stepson with her, he is 23 and lives out of town, my 28 year old lives at home and she helped raise him since he was 11and by t he way all the Mopars have allways been in his name.And yes at this point I do want to save my marrage and I do know that I played my part in this break down.
When she came to the house we talked calmly no fighting. She tried to explain the way she feels. She thinks that she just wants to be single, have no responsabilaties, answer to no one and do what ever she wants to do. She does not want to rush into divorce, she is staying with her mother and is asking for some time to sort out her life you know find herself. She doesn't want to come home for the wrong reasons and end up back in the same boat in a few months. There is no other man. Most of her friends are single or recently divorced so I figure that she see's there freedom and that this is what she may want. What she doesn't see is that these women are broke and alone.
We are going to meet for coffee on Wednesday and talk some more and we are going to spend some time together on Christmas and then go for dinner separetly with our families.
I googled Female Mid Life Crisis and there was a picture of my wife there!!!~ She fits the profile in that info to a TEE.
I am still a mess but now I have a little understanding of the situation. I have no choice but to give her the time she is asking for, in the mean time my brother is taking me to see some very expensive lawyer thiis week so that I will understand my rights and be protected legaly

Thank all of you here on FABO and please DO keep me in your prayers(Larry)

 

[rumblefish360]

Jr. ! Excellent work with researching the issue. Your new weapon is knowledge! Use it well.
I would certainly point out the freinds short comings. I made mention to a freind of mine and gave my applogies to her. She was like, "What are you talking about? I'm happier without him!"

"While that may be true." I said to her, "I am going to make a note of what I see. Lots-o-people that are our age and single. There unhappy, broke, and carring past issues around with them (AKA Luggage) into the next relationship which seldom lasts long due to the past issues showing up a little or a lot in the next partner."

"What is truly out there at out age (As in not young, 30 and down) is ethier pissed off divorced people or half bake in the brain wacko's which can't get married if they tied a knot in a sock in there mouth and aggred to everything the other wants. Cause there wacked in the brain."

"While it is a position that looks envy-able, no cares, no ties, free to do whatever, whomever, where ever ya want, it is not exactly a bowl of ice cream out there anymore."

 

[4flats]

Larry, you seem a lot more on your feet than in post #1 and I am glad to read it. I know things still suck, but I think everyone here is glad that things didn't go bad (cops, jail) or too good (getting set-up) with the meeting. It sounds like you have this as under control as possible. I'm still praying for you and your family.

 

[inkjunkie]

When you do speak to her do your best to remain calm. Also, do your best to control your emotions. Mid-life crisis...I wish you luck. If you ever feel the need to speak to someone, add me to the list. PM me and I will gladly send you my phone number.

 

[alsdemon]

it,s funny how we can see the other side sometime. i lived till i was 30 till getting marred.it will only be one marrage then after i will be by my self again.i dont have to be with anybody and i hope your not trying to stay togheter cause you don,t want to be alone?

 

[junior]

Kept busy all day out in the shop Fabing and installing sub-frame connectors in the 80 RR and had a feww beers with my son. I am feeling a bit better. I believe thats because I will see her on Wednesday. I know that I may be building on faulse hope, but my heart tells me that she is comming around a little. I am so confused. But another day has gone by and I made it through it and thats a start at least.

 

[MVRCorp]

One day at a time is all it takes. Like I said in my first post "keep breathing and put one foot in front of the other".

 

[oldkimmer]

..........I pray for you buddy...........be strong and keep the faith............i've been there also....i believe she has already made her decision when she moved out........you are in my thoughts and prayers..........i too hoped we would get back together, never happened.........i've moved on and couldnt be happier, i have the most loving, caring woman in the world.......i never thought i could someone else, but Patty is the best........kim......