Whoa There Almost Homeless Guy

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Kids are a pain in the arse my 25 yr old son moved 8 months ago but not until I put my foot down and cut him off from my checkbook he felt entilted to everything I have and expected to have my lifestyle and not have to contribute.
I paid for his college education bought him several cars when he divorced his wife spend 20 k on lawyer for him to have custody.
Now that he cant count on my funds and has to be a man he has decided that I should not be in his life or see my grand son .
From what I have learned I believe my mistake was to give him everything he ever wanted and not hold him accountable for his own life live and learn.
Kids today feel entilted to their parents life and when you make them do it themselves you become the bad guy
 
Boy some of these replies make one think I'm raising a bunch of useless and rude kids wouldn't they?

Actually Both the hellion girls are over 30, out of the house, have their own kids and husbands that have great jobs with benefits, retirement plans and 401k's.

The two boys still here are both in mamgement positions making bonus's also with benefits, retirements and 401k's.

Both are generally very respectful for the most part, though they could help out a little more around here.

I just wanted to get a small rant out because of one of them being in a pissy mood when he got up at 12:30
I think the imaginations ran away a bit, but I know it made me realize that things could be a lot worse. :D
 
a lot of younger peeps are just selfish.

I got in trouble in another by saying its all the younger generation so I wont say ALL but most.

People in the younger generation say such nasty things about their parents and have such an attitude and all over being selfish and it actually stings my ears.

In all the selfishness they forget that their parents are aging and probably could use a helping hand.

How many parents got up bright and early everyday to go work even in the snow even on days when it would have cooler to stay home.....and why, so that their kids could have it all and be nice and comfortable and live the American dream and never want.

.....and all for an stupid attitude in return.

Its really sad what some kids to do their parents, kids that do this need a vacation to other countries where things are not so nice and comfortable all the time.
 
Kids are a pain in the arse my 25 yr old son moved 8 months ago but not until I put my foot down and cut him off from my checkbook he felt entilted to everything I have and expected to have my lifestyle and not have to contribute.
I paid for his college education bought him several cars when he divorced his wife spend 20 k on lawyer for him to have custody.
Now that he cant count on my funds and has to be a man he has decided that I should not be in his life or see my grand son .
From what I have learned I believe my mistake was to give him everything he ever wanted and not hold him accountable for his own life live and learn.
Kids today feel entilted to their parents life and when you make them do it themselves you become the bad guy

Yea, our oldest Daughter is kind of like that still. (same basic attitude)
 
Boy some of these replies make one think I'm raising a bunch of useless and rude kids wouldn't they?

Sir my response has nothing to do with you or your family. Just reading all the other post is where my response comes from
 
a lot of younger peeps are just selfish.

I got in trouble in another by saying its all the younger generation so I wont say ALL but most.

People in the younger generation say such nasty things about their parents and have such an attitude and all over being selfish and it actually stings my ears.

In all the selfishness they forget that their parents are aging and probably could use a helping hand.

How many parents got up bright and early everyday to go work even in the snow even on days when it would have cooler to stay home.....and why, so that their kids could have it all and be nice and comfortable and live the American dream and never want.

.....and all for an stupid attitude in return.

Its really sad what some kids to do their parents, kids that do this need a vacation to other countries where things are not so nice and comfortable all the time.

I hear ya.
I want to move to the Yucatan and get back into scuba diving again.
Maybe do some charter boat or vacation package dive guide stuff, and I know I'm not taking other people.
Just me and the wifey. :D
 
Yes, I am raising a child. I just bought a house and my mom would not co-sign a credit card with me.

I wish she did, because it was extremely difficult for me to establish credit on my own, in our current political state.

Well, you followed through. Most kids won't. My middle one was able to secure a credit card with a lot more than 400 credit line, and promptly screwed up.

WHY? Because one of her friends mom said it would be a good idea. Mom and I suggested against it. She listened to her friends Mom, and got way in over her head and now is about 30,000 in debt with no way out. Credit cards, car loan (car repossessed) and a multitude of other things.

She actually got pissed at us for not cosigning, well if we had, we would have been saddled with that debt now. And we knew it would happen.
 
Kids are a pain in the arse my 25 yr old son moved 8 months ago but not until I put my foot down and cut him off from my checkbook he felt entilted to everything I have and expected to have my lifestyle and not have to contribute.
I paid for his college education bought him several cars when he divorced his wife spend 20 k on lawyer for him to have custody.
Now that he cant count on my funds and has to be a man he has decided that I should not be in his life or see my grand son .
From what I have learned I believe my mistake was to give him everything he ever wanted and not hold him accountable for his own life live and learn.
Kids today feel entilted to their parents life and when you make them do it themselves you become the bad guy

I could not agree more. Amy's ex is a lot like your son. Lives with his parents, 32 years old, divorced, mom n dad paid for it, but he's an alcoholic and we're still filing contempt charges.

There is a formula to raise a closet monster and you've pinpointed it. I'm sorry that your son doesn't have respect for you and won't let you see your grandson.

My kid is all of five and told me that when he gets older, he's not moving and is going to live in my house. That landed him chores for the rest of the day and no TV for a week. When I ask him what he wants to do, now, he tells me that he wants to buy his own house and have his own kids. Gotta nip that BS in the butt early!
 
Well, you followed through. Most kids won't. My middle one was able to secure a credit card with a lot more than 400 credit line, and promptly screwed up.

WHY? Because one of her friends mom said it would be a good idea. Mom and I suggested against it. She listened to her friends Mom, and got way in over her head and now is about 30,000 in debt with no way out. Credit cards, car loan (car repossessed) and a multitude of other things.

She actually got pissed at us for not cosigning, well if we had, we would have been saddled with that debt now. And we knew it would happen.

See, that amount of debt would have needed your signature, if you had co-signed, which you would not have done.

I would never advocate co-signing a 25K car unless I had the means to pay it off myself and was willing to, even under a different agreement.

If you co sign a card, let them build credit while they live with you on just one card and remove your name from the card policy when they move out, so they can get their own, when they are under their own management.

Even with this house under joint ownership between Amy and I, I went in knowing that I'd have to pay for it by myself, if need be, so that was the only way I was okay with it. You have to establish a certain level of trust with business, even with family and friends, but it is especially important to establish the ground rules with family and friends before going into it and always be sure that you can handle anything you're willing to let them spend.

If you can stick to that foundation, you're good to go, no matter which way it turns out.

Have them talk to you about larger purchases and if you are not comfortable with them, just be sure to cancel your name on the policy. I had a card with my ex that I had to do just that with, after her idiot mother got ahold of it one day and spent $800 that I had to pay off.

It happens, but if you help them along the way and let them pay for it with a max limit that you set on the policy, you've ultimately got the pen and the power, so you do have control.

On a technical note, when you co-sign on one item, card, car, house, etc., you are held equally responsible for that item and not all other items in the other person's name. If you signed for a credit card, you would be responsible for everything that was on the card, but not for things only in his name, like an auto repossession, or a bankruptcy in his name.

What would happen at that point, according to tax and credit law, is that his name would need to be removed from your policy on a card, before bankruptcy, because you can't file someone else's bankruptcy for them on shared responsibility relations. If you have joint ownership of something or joint credit/ joint taxes, etc. all of this is handled before filing.

What I've discovered is that its a lot harder for a teenager to pay a $400 limit card, so it teaches them a lesson if they max it out and you make them pay. You can do things like take something of theirs as collateral, like a video game console, car keys, bikes, music, valuables, etc. Just be sure that you tell them that this will be the case if they are vigilant on paying their debt and be sure to have enough in your own account to cover it, so it doesn't mar your credit.

A little planning and communication makes it work rather well. A few of my friends went through all of these scenarios and have good credit and ended up being very responsible people.
 
This is all just info that I wanted to point out for the author of the thread.

There is a way to do this without hassle and without great risks that would place you beyond your own means.

If you decide to go the route of a credit card, put them on your policy as a second card holder and user.

What this does is keeps the functionality of the policy in your favor and gives you the authority on the policy and on the limits. It also gives you the ability to cease the card at any time, during the life of the policy. I would recommend going through Discover, as they are more lenient with interest rates and entering new secondary card holders on policies than most credit card companies, especially banks. Bank credit lines usually have high interest rates. Avoid a direct bank credit card if you can.
 
See, that amount of debt would have needed your signature, if you had co-signed, which you would not have done.

Well, she didn't. She was able to get a credit card with a 2500.00 dollar limit. She was able to secure a car loan, on her own, which she defaulted on. She also got government money for school, on her own, which a lot of it she just pissed away. So, like I said, she is in the approximate 30K range in debt at 25 years old. Did she listen to Mom and Dad? Absolutely not, now she has to suffer the consequences. Not my problem.

I would never advocate co-signing a 25K car unless I had the means to pay it off myself and was willing to, even under a different agreement.

If you co sign a card, let them build credit while they live with you on just one card and remove your name from the card policy when they move out, so they can get their own, when they are under their own management.

The problem is, getting them to pay for it. Dave, not all kids have that responsibility level, she certainly didn't/doesn't.


Even with this house under joint ownership between Amy and I, I went in knowing that I'd have to pay for it by myself, if need be, so that was the only way I was okay with it. You have to establish a certain level of trust with business, even with family and friends, but it is especially important to establish the ground rules with family and friends before going into it and always be sure that you can handle anything you're willing to let them spend.

Again, ground rules are only applicable IF THEY LISTEN, and follow through.

If you can stick to that foundation, you're good to go, no matter which way it turns out.

Have them talk to you about larger purchases and if you are not comfortable with them, just be sure to cancel your name on the policy. I had a card with my ex that I had to do just that with, after her idiot mother got ahold of it one day and spent $800 that I had to pay off.

It happens, but if you help them along the way and let them pay for it with a max limit that you set on the policy, you've ultimately got the pen and the power, so you do have control.

On a technical note, when you co-sign on one item, card, car, house, etc., you are held equally responsible for that item and not all other items in the other person's name. If you signed for a credit card, you would be responsible for everything that was on the card, but not for things only in his name, like an auto repossession, or a bankruptcy in his name.

What would happen at that point, according to tax and credit law, is that his name would need to be removed from your policy on a card, before bankruptcy, because you can't file someone else's bankruptcy for them on shared responsibility relations. If you have joint ownership of something or joint credit/ joint taxes, etc. all of this is handled before filing.

What I've discovered is that its a lot harder for a teenager to pay a $400 limit card, so it teaches them a lesson if they max it out and you make them pay. You can do things like take something of theirs as collateral, like a video game console, car keys, bikes, music, valuables, etc. Just be sure that you tell them that this will be the case if they are vigilant on paying their debt and be sure to have enough in your own account to cover it, so it doesn't mar your credit.

A little planning and communication makes it work rather well. A few of my friends went through all of these scenarios and have good credit and ended up being very responsible people.

Because they listened, and disciplined themselves to do so. Not all people are capable of doing that.
 
I know. In the case of your daughter, she went her own route and didn't get any limited policies that she could handle. I understand that wasn't the route she took.

I guess my point is that if you help them start early by co-signing, you can help them learn along the way, to give them a sense of what credit can do for them and what it can do to them, if they're not careful, before it can get way out of hand on their own.
 
I am not sure that a credit card is a good idea personally.

When I was in my early college days, I was at the university orientation and I look over and there were a few banks with little tents set up signing people up and giving out candy and trinkets.

Well, this was a few years back when the credit limits used to be a lot higher and I was able to get a card without needing my parents to co-sign because I was legal to work at the school for work study which I was and I was in a Bachelors program.

So I felt so grown up with a credit card and I charged my books and a lot of school expenses so I didn't have to burden my parents who were willing to for it all anyway, and they were curious why I wasn't asking them for money but they were trying not to get in my business because I was an adult now ......right.....yea hardly :???:

Well ....like usual ....it snowballed and with the interest ...it wasn't long that I realized I was in trouble with this card and I had to get parents involved and fess up to what I did.

So my point is that its easy to get in trouble with credit cards and some people who do get in trouble are not in trouble because they are irresponsible or don't intend to pay but its easy to snowball and get out of hand .....even the hand the of the responsible person.

PS: I paid it off finally. :???:
 
Not to defend all scumbags mooching off their parents but times are different. When you were fresh out of high school you could get a respectable blue collar job that offered a pay that you could support yourself and your family with if you worked hard and were frugal. That is not the case for today's graduates. Go to college, get a degree in a specialized major (none of that business BS) and then you might have some opportunities that you could support yourself with. The fact of the matter is that there is a shrinking middle class in the US. We're you used to be able to find a job with a GED you now need a Bachelors. The fact of the matter is some people aren't cut out for higher education, and right now, if you aren't you have very limited options.

I call Bullshit , there is all kinds of good paying work available to a healthy young person , it's not glamorous or sitting on your *** getting fat kind of work , it's hard , dirty physical work but it pays better than most college degree jobs and doesn't come with a huge student loan . The trades are always looking for honest hard young people , the mines , the rigs the road builders , just because your kids feel too entitled to do this kind of work doesn't mean it isn't there . In my youth I knew kids that left school after grade 8 to become plumbers and ditch diggers , the school board got it made into law that any kid under 16 had to be in school so then it was 16 and out after grade 10 to do the same thing. thats thousands of kids every year in a city of 4 million leaving school to earn a real good living and raise families by working hard without being so full of themselves that they turn their noses up at good paying work . Society has brain washed everyone into thinking a University degree is needed to get a good job and getting one guarantee's it , both are a lie , There are plenty of high school drop outs making 100k-250k a year working all over the world in the trades while the Colleges are full of dipshits getting liberal arts and sociology degrees on their parents dime , really if you pay for your kid to get a degree in a field with no actual job path at graduation or a job path that pays below middle class income while incurring crippling student loan debt you and your child are both dipshits .
Next time you are stuck at a road work site ask the kid with the dirty fingernails how much he's getting paid to play that shovel , you might find he makes more than you do .
 
I guess my point is that if you help them start early by co-signing, you can help them learn along the way, to give them a sense of what credit can do for them and what it can do to them, if they're not careful, before it can get way out of hand on their own.

I do agree, but you have to have a child that is willing to adhere to discipline. Mine wasn't, and I knew that going in, so that's why we chose not too.

It's really too bad, because now she has to struggle to repay and correct things.
 
I do agree, but you have to have a child that is willing to adhere to discipline. Mine wasn't, and I knew that going in, so that's why we chose not too.

It's really too bad, because now she has to struggle to repay and correct things.

You're 57 YEARS OLD?
 
I call Bullshit , there is all kinds of good paying work available to a healthy young person , it's not glamorous or sitting on your *** getting fat kind of work , it's hard , dirty physical work but it pays better than most college degree jobs and doesn't come with a huge student loan . The trades are always looking for honest hard young people , the mines , the rigs the road builders , just because your kids feel too entitled to do this kind of work doesn't mean it isn't there . In my youth I knew kids that left school after grade 8 to become plumbers and ditch diggers , the school board got it made into law that any kid under 16 had to be in school so then it was 16 and out after grade 10 to do the same thing. thats thousands of kids every year in a city of 4 million leaving school to earn a real good living and raise families by working hard without being so full of themselves that they turn their noses up at good paying work . Society has brain washed everyone into thinking a University degree is needed to get a good job and getting one guarantee's it , both are a lie , There are plenty of high school drop outs making 100k-250k a year working all over the world in the trades while the Colleges are full of dipshits getting liberal arts and sociology degrees on their parents dime , really if you pay for your kid to get a degree in a field with no actual job path at graduation or a job path that pays below middle class income while incurring crippling student loan debt you and your child are both dipshits .
Next time you are stuck at a road work site ask the kid with the dirty fingernails how much he's getting paid to play that shovel , you might find he makes more than you do .

You don't have to explain it to me, I am that guy who is in a trade making more than most of my friends. Still, I was lucky, around here Kodak and Bausch and Lomb were the main employers, providing ample blue collar jobs. They moved away, leaving most of their work force here looking for the same jobs that the youth are looking for. I agree with you mostly, the Uni's and society are at fault for pushing degrees, the gov is at fault for forcing labor out, the parents are at fault for raising entitled kids, and the kids are dumb enough to buy into all of this crap.

You're full of it if you think there are "plenty" of drop outs making 100-250k a year though.
 
After reading most of these posts boy do I feel blessed. Both my children turned out well in spite of me. We always gave them what they needed, and made them earn the things they wanted.
 
Boy some of these replies make one think I'm raising a bunch of useless and rude kids wouldn't they?

Actually Both the hellion girls are over 30, out of the house, have their own kids and husbands that have great jobs with benefits, retirement plans and 401k's.

The two boys still here are both in mamgement positions making bonus's also with benefits, retirements and 401k's.

Both are generally very respectful for the most part, though they could help out a little more around here.

I just wanted to get a small rant out because of one of them being in a pissy mood when he got up at 12:30
I think the imaginations ran away a bit, but I know it made me realize that things could be a lot worse. :D

Soooo, if they're both in management positions with benefits and 401k's, why do they still live at home???
 
Soooo, if they're both in management positions with benefits and 401k's, why do they still live at home???

That's the million dollar question isn't it? :)
The Wife want's to make their lives as convenient as possible, and I'm more on the "Go do your life and let us continue ours" idea.

Workin on it though. :)
 
yes I believe life is harder for this generation than we, the kids of the 60's. but, too many kids are raised never having any responsibilities or respect for themselves much less anyone else. some kids genes make them more difficult than others no doubt?. parents start to mold their children at an early age whether they know it or not. I raise two girls. they knew I told them once. they learned that as a toddler. No I didn't "beat" them. they just simply learned that I was the authority and I didn't repeat myself to just be ignored. that was the way I was raised.
I was at a big mopar show/ swap 10-12 years back with a friend, we spent the night at the motel. my buddy's 13 years came along. we got up early of course, as we brought parts. he told the son 3 times to get up and get dressed. he ignored dad. I simply took the bucket of ice water and poured the whole thing on him in the bed, and said I hope the bed will be dry by that night. next morning he was the first one dressed. he learned not to screw with me but his dad never established any respect for his requests.
like the guy said, back where I was raised, you graduated high school, you either went to college, trade school, found a job, or got drafted/joined the service. and pretty soon after getting a job, you didn't live with mom and dad. did anyone of us think this tough!? most didn't. a few did. there we no credit cards. yea, we all made some mistakes and learned by them, but running to your parents when you stubbed your toe, wasn't an option.
you had a job, established credit with a bank. you paid your bills. keep your word. sucked it up. whining wasn't an option. you were raised to say yes and no sir/ mam... please.. thank you. you respected your elders even if you thought they were somewhat out of touch. we were molded good or bad, by our parents, grandparents, relatives, friends, school teachers. yes the teacher had the right to correct your behavior when needed. if a great BIG paddle was needed, it was applied ,and you had no idea of calling the cops. they would have had a good laugh!!!! you had plenty of opportunity to straight up before the paddle.
being from a rural environment gave many of us opprortunity to have more responsibility ( if the parent so choose). some of big farm kids were lazy, spoiled self centered...most were raised to learn work ethics at early age.
when I was 16 mon found me a job working at the supermarket. 12 hour day sat, and after school 4 days a week. I did chores before and after work.... I bought my gas, shotgun shells, horse feed, whatever I needed. I didn't have to go to them for an allowance. ( what was that?).. was I mistreated? NO. I was directed to learn that the world does not owe me a living. its up to me to make my way...
 
Hell, My dad told me me that I was gonna be payin rent when I turned 18,...when that day came I decided that if i was gonna pay rent, it would be on my terms,...So i moved out and quickly found out that when you pay rent, it ain't never on your terms. ...I never moved back home. but it was a helluva lesson.
 
Hell, My dad told me me that I was gonna be payin rent when I turned 18,...when that day came I decided that if i was gonna pay rent, it would be on my terms,...So i moved out and quickly found out that when you pay rent, it ain't never on your terms. ...I never moved back home. but it was a helluva lesson.

Yup, like we always told our girls, and had it posted on the fridge.


Teenagers, are you tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now. Move out, get a job, and pay your own bills - while you still know everything
 
"Good credit" isn't that important in life if you are smart and don't spend more than you have. I don't have "bad credit" I have NO CREDIT because I don't borrow. Yes it costs me a little more on auto insurance ( I don't understand how being in debit makes you a better driver ) and you would have to look a little harder to get a home loan, but so far the increase in costs has been less than I would have had to pay in interest. By the way I'm not wealthy, I made about 33k this year!
 
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