Huge change in my life coming :(

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Nite Moves

Nite Moves

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Well i didnt really want to post this yet but im struggling with everyday life. i have my Ram up for sale and soon the house. I will be busy soon doing odd and ends in the home to get all i can for it so i may not be on much.I posted a thread in regards to my fuel tank because i will need to move it out soon as well.Unfortunately my wife and i are seperating. Things are good so far but i know they can change. The hardest part of all this is telling my children. They know about the house but nothing about us.We dont want to say anything yet but will have to soon.I feel lost and totally inadaquit. I totally let down my kids and now they will have to deal with a huge change in there life because of me. This isnt my decision but happiness is deserved buy all. Thanks for listening
 
I went through this same thing January 2013. If you need to talk, pm me. There is life after separation and divorce. The best thing you can do is be a great dad and be on the same page with your wife about your kids.
Oh, and don't blame it all on yourself. It takes two people to make a marriage work and it takes two for it to not work.....you both had a role in the breakup.
 
roadrunnerh said:
I went through this same thing January 2013. If you need to talk, pm me. There is life after separation and divorce. The best thing you can do is be a great dad and be on the same page with your wife about your kids.
Oh, and don't blame it all on yourself. It takes two people to make a marriage work and it takes two for it to not work.....you both had a role in the breakup.
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Thanks for the reply. I know its not all me. I guess its the up bringing i had..you know dad looks after all! Im fortunate to have a great wife, unfortunately shes not happy anymore. Tried the counciling nothin out of it. In these days i worry about my kids. With all this,,,,,,,,,im going to be a basket case for sometime
 
Nite Moves said:
Thanks for the reply. I know its not all me. I guess its the up bringing i had..you know dad looks after all! Im fortunate to have a great wife, unfortunately shes not happy anymore. Tried the counciling nothin out of it. In these days i worry about my kids. With all this,,,,,,,,,im going to be a basket case for sometime
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been thru it , it`s rough when there`s kids involved. believe me it will effect them tremendously, may not even show up until later in life on them. the best thing you can do is stay involved w/ them, God can help u thru it-----bob :coffee2:
 
take this from someone who went thru 2 separations and then a divorce. You can get through this and be a better, stronger person on the other side.

As for the kids, be there for them, my kids were 13, 10 and 7 when we first separated, then 18, 15 and 12 when we separated the 2nd time, for good. The older 2 kids knew that apart, life was better for them, no fighting to put up with, tension levels in the house were diminished, it was a better environment for them. I moved out9joint decision) and spent as much time with the kids as I could, eventually getting custody of each during the roughest, teen years.

There will be times when you are deep down in the dumps, weather these storms, they, too, will pass.

I've been divorced 10 years now, and actually, my ex and me get along better now than we did for many of our married years. We have 3 fantastic adult children, and 2 grandchildren, so we've had to learn to occupy the same area together from time to time, during functions.

YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS

If you need an ear, I can pm you my phone #

FF
 
I've been divorced for 25 years. It isn't easy especially with children. Like everyone said the best thing to do is be the best father you can be. Never speak poorly of each other in front of the kids. If you have nothing good to say, say nothing. Keep the kids out of the adult affairs and let them keep their childhood. I believe that is where a lot of damage comes from in the future.

My ex and I are great friends after a few years of bitterness after the divorce. She is remarried to a real decent guy and has two more children. I am glad for them. He has been a good role model in my daughters life.
 
get pictures of your kids and put them up where you will see them frequently,when speaking about your partner pretend your kids are listening and choose all words wisely, take the time to forgive her and yourself of any transgressions this will speed up the healing process and better things all around for everyone involved....try to get out fishing or some activity that keeps your mind from wandering the wrong places...Make sure You EAT!!!! or you won't be able to sleep and your mind will keep eating at you so make sure you eat
 
famous bob said:
been thru it , it`s rough when there`s kids involved. believe me it will effect them tremendously, may not even show up until later in life on them. the best thing you can do is stay involved w/ them, God can help u thru it-----bob :coffee2:
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Nailed it.....When me & the Ex went our own ways we had no kids, but I do know of several couples that split with kids. And what Bob said is vital, stay involved.....and be honest with them......

Have a lot more to say but need to get my a** in gear....will be back in a while....
 
Rocky_JS said:
I've been divorced for 25 years. It isn't easy especially with children. Like everyone said the best thing to do is be the best father you can be. Never speak poorly of each other in front of the kids. If you have nothing good to say, say nothing. Keep the kids out of the adult affairs and let them keep their childhood. I believe that is where a lot of damage comes from in the future.
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Very important advice ^^.

My daughter is going through this, the dad keeps spouting off to the boy about his mom. Bad juju.
 
Things go wrong and sometimes you can control them sometimes not.
I have been there also and found that being the best father you can will help you get through this as well as your kids. As previously stated keep them out of it and do not speak bad of each other as they love you both.
Everything else can be replaced in life but the relationship you have with your kids can never be replaced.
 
As one of the younger people on the site im going to throw some info your way and take it as you will. Ive been thru 2 divorces as a kid, first i was 2 and dont remember anything, but the second between my mom and step-dad was ugly.

as the child i saw this sudden change in the parents towards each other before they were near breaking up, so dont bank on they dont know. As things started to get nasty i was caught in the middle and used, that was over 15yrs ago and i still resent everyone involved. I know its hard to breakup (same thing just legal gets involved) but dont pit the kids against the other, dont use them for gain, and what ever you do just be honest.

I have no place in your life but you need to talk to the Mrs. and tell her above because this is one place in my life is ruined and i would hate for anyone else to carry this feeling.

Something you should know is after the dust settles and time passes, you may become friends again, but your kids will ALWAYS hold onto what happened, so make it as pleasant as possible for them. Dont make them choose who to live with, dont make them have to live with that...

I hope the best for all of you
 
May God bless you all with peace and comfort in the coming months, and guide your hearts in the right direction! Tell the kids you love them every day, and try to be as civil as possible for their same! Try to tell the Mrs. also to heed all of the advise given above, be there for the kids and love them no matter what! Geof
 
Rocky_JS said:
Like everyone said the best thing to do is be the best father you can be. Never speak poorly of each other in front of the kids. If you have nothing good to say, say nothing. Keep the kids out of the adult affairs and let them keep their childhood. I believe that is where a lot of damage comes from in the future.QUOTE]

This has been mentioned a few time above, but is so true!!!!

Been there, my girls were 7 & 10. Hang strong, it hurts!
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Sorry to hear of this Ed, I was hoping you were going to be able to work things out. As I have never married, I have never been thru a divorce, BUT I have been thru breakups and I raised my 2 boys. Unfortunately there were things said between me and the boys mother and they have heard me on the phone with her. All of it was true, BUT I was wrong for them to hear it. They didnt need to hear it at a young age, even though as they have grown up they agree with me. All the best thru this bud and you have my # gimme a shout anytime!
 
Sorry to hear this. It is hard. My ex ran off with a coworker 13 years ago. I can tell you this....turn to your friends and God if you are religious and you will come out of it. I can now look back and see it as just another turn in the road of my life adventure. I am with a great lady now and could not be any happier. In time you will be here if you want to be. They say happiness is a choice. So don't worry be happy.
 
waggin said:
get pictures of your kids and put them up where you will see them frequently,when speaking about your partner pretend your kids are listening and choose all words wisely, take the time to forgive her and yourself of any transgressions this will speed up the healing process and better things all around for everyone involved....try to get out fishing or some activity that keeps your mind from wandering the wrong places...make sure you eat!!!! Or you won't be able to sleep and your mind will keep eating at you so make sure you eat
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x2
 
I've been through a separation and divorce, I know it tears you up inside! Some advice from someone who does not know you; 1) do not dwell on the wrongs, it will only get you down. 2)do not speak ill of your ex even in private, your kids will find out about it and blame you. 3) remember you can change yourself but you can not change anyone else. 4) it does not get better with time, you just get better at coping. 5) find those that you can spend time with, some times to talk about the loss, other times to help you get past it. 6) FIND A WAY TO HELP OTHERS, GETTING OUT OF YOURSELF IT THE BEST THERAPY!

I hope this helps, if you want to talk let me know, I'll pm my phone/e-mail.
 
Prayin for you. BE the adult. That's all the advice I got.
 
Prayers sent your way. If I didn't notice anywhere but how old are the kids? They are really the important part of this situation. If you and your wife can remain decent with each other it will be alright.

Wishing the best for your situation.
 
As many said, best for children if you remain friendly with her,never speak bad about her

They know something isn't right, don't think they are in the dark, they can feel it.

My daughter was 2 when we got divorce and I got her at 4 and raised her from there. Until she got to be an adult I never said anything negative about her mom and even as adult didn't say things that could not be backed up.

But her mom and I didn't have to have contact with each other. She just stayed out of her life for the most part. Not good but think she had a good childhood.

Be an involved parent, go to school functions but don't do anything that makes you look bad in there eyes in front of others.

You will survive, and hopefully your life will also be better

It takes 2 to make a marriage work, but it only takes one to ruin it. If one does not want to be there there is nothing you can do. Maybe a separation will bring you closer, it does work sometimes when they miss what they had.

Good luck and hope the best for you
 
My divorce was literally finalized just yesterday. We were seperated for a year or so before that. I found it went awful in the beginning just being all pissed off and such, but after a little bit, I realized I was always going to be better off without. Unfortunately my kids are 1 and 3 years old, so memory-wise neither of them will know what it was like to live with both parents. I keep things very civil with their mom and it works well with 50/50. Whenever they ask about her, I tell them she's at work, or at mommy's house. We tried a small seperation but it was clear she wasn't going to fix herself in this case. At least she tried it. I should hope if the two of you CAN be happy and make it work, it will work, but if not that you are at least both happy eventually.

I found with being civil and friendly everything has worked out fine, and my kids are happy. The important thing to know is you're not letting your kids down. My dad lived with my mom for 25 years and was unhappy for about 20 of those years. I remember all of the arguing and fighting and junk and it did not make me, or my siblings happy. If both you, and the mom are happy, the kids will eventually be happy as well we would hope. That's what my dad told me, and I feel it's true. I don't talk trash about their mom, because no matter what she did to me, she did not do it to them, and she is their mom and they love her regardless of how she treated me. She also does not talk trash about me, and just speaks nicely of me and my current girlfriend, so I hope it works out cleanly and civil for you as well.
 
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