Life Can Change Real Fast

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First, put your hand in Gods and let Him lead you through this. He knows the reason for this and we do not, so listen to Him and when he answers your questions, you can bet it's the truth.

Second, be calm, cool and collected when dealing with this situation. Any and all of the things you may lose can and will be replaced when the time comes, so theres no place for anger, hostility or remorse. And no begging!!!

Third, please do not resort to drugs, drinking, or any other activity that will compromise your thinking or well being during this time. You will need to be strong and of clear head and body to really see this through. And please don't resort to actions that will harm you or anybody else. You have a lot of good friends here, and I'm sure all around you, and we don't want anything to happen to you.

As many others have said, this is a very trying time, but with faith, self confidence, and clear thinking you will come out of this on top. I am praying for you that God will ease your hurt and show you the way to happiness once again, for yourself this time!!!
Good luck to you my friend, and may peace be with you!!! Geof
 
I thought seriously about killing my ex hag for awhile...... just couldn't figure out how to do it without going to prison. I didn't want to kill myself because I'm a selfish bastard you know... lol
 
DusterN73 said:
And put your cars in your son's names.
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I believe it would have be in his son's name at least 5 yrs or more before he could use that old trick.

Geezz I hate thinking about going through this kind of crap, emotional, hate, anger, depressed, etc... Screw that!!
 
Dont listen to me. I have been with the same wife 30 years. Mine wont leave no matter how much of a bastard I am. I cant figure that out.
 
My wife called today and she wants to come to house tomorrow and talk. I don't know what she wants or why. Iguess I'll have to wait and see. I hope she doesn't want to talk about what she wants to take or something like that because I am no where near ready I'm still to unstable for that, just to soon. It was nice to see all the friends from this site that I have never met show how much they cared, God bless you all and thank you very much.
 
well, i wish you the best.

about other comments about the hags taking 1/2 of everything....................... in my case, what is half of nothing.lol i am glad i have nothing, cause if she tried to take half, id be pissed
 
junior said:
My wife called today and she wants to come to house tomorrow and talk. I don't know what she wants or why. Iguess I'll have to wait and see. I hope she doesn't want to talk about what she wants to take or something like that because I am no where near ready I'm still to unstable for that, just to soon. It was nice to see all the friends from this site that I have never met show how much they cared, God bless you all and thank you very much.
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We are all here for ya..hope all goes well for the meeting, fingers crossed.
AL
 
Stay cool my friend, after you talk, tell her you will think about it. You don't need any trouble right now. Stay well and good luck.
 
What I meant about 1/2 of everything and some is his pension.After 1/2 the house,1/2 the cars,contents of the home,RRSP,s she is also intitled to 1/2 his pension.I just hope she worked,because if not he will also be intitled to alimony to keep her standard of living up.Sorry if I,m jumping the gun here Junior,but I,ve seen it all,being an auto worker and many friends going through this.:angry7:
 
sorry she did it and ready to come home...if your not ready you should let her know cause its just gonna get worst if she dont wont to come home to stay but to take stuff so you need to be ready .. i think just my opp. best of luck to you man...
 
Really sorry to hear about you being blindsided like this. I don't understand not communicating before doing something drastic and "over the top". The holidays put alot of extra strain on most people too.....just thinkin' out loud here.

Wishing you and your family the best and pray it gets resolved for all of you. God Bless
 
Damn Junior this sucks. Your primal instincts will start to kick in soon. It don't mean your a bad person it's just human. When you meet her don't agree to nothing and do more listening and less talking, I know it sounds mean but you don't gotta trust me but trust me! You'll be okay and we're pulling for you.
 

Junior, sorry to hear this happening to anyone. 17 years ago I lost my wife in an auto accident so I know about being blindsided. That had never crossed my mind that she would go before me. I was almost 7 years older than her and she was only 39 at the time. It was very hard finishing raising two kids when they had so a good Mother and I had a great wife for 21 1/2 yrs. Keep your faith and take one day at a time because there will be times when you think you are losing your mind. I could go on and on but main thing is you can get through this and things will get better as time goes by. Keep your chin up, you have lots of friends here that you may not have known are on your side, Joe
 
ask one or both of your sons to come over when she does.like it been said don,t agree to anything and if she whats her stuff let her have it.btw i,v had my car longer than my wife and we been together 18 years .
 
junior said:
My wife called today and she wants to come to house tomorrow and talk. I don't know what she wants or why. Iguess I'll have to wait and see. I hope she doesn't want to talk about what she wants to take or something like that because I am no where near ready I'm still to unstable for that, just to soon. It was nice to see all the friends from this site that I have never met show how much they cared, God bless you all and thank you very much.
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I was really debating on wether to add to this or not. Either way, I am rooting for you. I will say that if YOU are not ready to talk, don't. When you do, have a friend or one of your sons close by. VERY close by. This probably ain't something that just popped into her head, so she's had a pretty good start on the whole planning side of things. You gotta get your head on a better foundation. I would wait a bit, and talk to a lawyer first. God may protect your soul, but you are gonna need a lawyer to cover your ***.
 
divorce should be illegal IMO. I dont see why women do this so often these days. (does she even have grounds for divorce?)
Hey, dont talk to her until YOU are ready. She should respect your feelings.
It would be better to wait until your head is clear and your thinking is straight. (this whole subject really "steams" me. I will stop now before I get indignant) All I can say is hold on my friend....my prayers go out to you..
 
Yeah my ex wanted to set down and talk after she left. She came over and she got hostile. She tried everything possible to make want to hit her. It was a set up the whole time. I went out in the yard away from her and called the law. She wanted to start something with the law being there but they told her that if she didn't leave now she would go to jail.

I wouldn't do it without someone there like already mentioned. Meet somewhere besides at frickn house that's for sure.

Of course she probably did all of this to "get your attention". Another words you better spend more time with her or she'll leave. Sorry but you'll have to cut way down on the time in garage.
 
I'll I can say -- is get a clear head-- talk to your pastor at church. I would agree that she has a plan of action & you do not. Thoughts & prayers to you..Proceed with caution,

You have a great sounding board here---
Lawrence
 
Mate,been through it myself.
i just immerse myself in work and hobbies.
Was probably so i didn't dwell on the problems.
Worked for me!!!

And the extra money certainly didn't hurt.
 
junior said:
My wife called today and she wants to come to house tomorrow and talk. I don't know what she wants or why. Iguess I'll have to wait and see. I hope she doesn't want to talk about what she wants to take or something like that because I am no where near ready I'm still to unstable for that, just to soon. It was nice to see all the friends from this site that I have never met show how much they cared, God bless you all and thank you very much.
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Best of wishes to you on this! If talks go poorly, and stay as calm as possible while this is taking place, a lawyer you'll need.

If talking is proceeding, be it getting somewhere or not, suggest counseling first before she or you do anything. Also, having someone over while she comes over is a good idea. Perhaps the kids? Just instruct them to be silnet during this while you and the wife speak. There input may be good and harmful. But a witness and barrier they'll be between you both so nothing crazy goes down.

Meeting her alone and/or at the house is IMO probably a bad idea.

DO take a stand on your hobby and your time, but not so badly that it shatters everything. Everybody needs there escape time to do there thing they like to do best. In our case, cars.

You have said that she did mention the amount of time you spend with the car. Perhaps, your ears are not deaf, but the message she gave was not strong enuff to consider a big problem? Perecption is a big part of this all.


Best advise I ever heard were these two things;

From family member;

Strong men also bend. He who does not bend brakes and strong they are no more.

And

"Treat her like your still dating her"

Sir Paul McCarthy

(Proud to have him live here on Long Island. He said that one day on the raido about him and his wife Linda on there longevity togther in the crazy world they live in. AKA, Rock and Roll world. A place where somethings are in abundance like booze and women.)
 
your wife called today...... in the posts above there is good advice

1.DO not meet at YOUR house...MEET her publicly and remain CALM while she is with you
2. prepare yourself for the absolute worst, another guy, she wants everything , eshe wants to leave you broke and humble etc etc etc That way what ever she wants will not SHOCK YOU and you will not DO anything STUPID that can hurt your situation later( like in court)
3. REMEMBER what ever she says, she is ONLY talking about OR ASKING FOR something...neither is the FINAL SAY, it is just conversation or requests YOU are not obliged to agree or to give up anything at this point...so listen nod and say I will think about it and go away, go home, go anywhere....just do not stay there long enough to get angry....if you feel angry right away excuse yourself and LEAVE
4. take a pocket recorder and do not stay longer than 30 mins ( length of most tape). without her knowing it record everything then leave before the tape runs out...this is not aggressive behavior this is 100% defensive
5. DO NOT AGREE TO ANYTHING at this meeting...tell her you will consider what she has said and get back to her.....HOLD your ground because she will likely NOT like that stance and no doubt make a fuss...too big of a fuss excuse yourself and leave.
6. transcribe to paper with a date what she said & what she asked for and your reactions ( do this every time you meet or talk with her and INCLUDE EVERYTHING)
7. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you call her ANY names out loud in public...YOU do NOT know who is listening or who might be "planted there" on her behalf
8. do not send her any hand written notes E V E R and NO PHONE TEXTING!!!
9. N E V E R leave an angry message on a voice mail recorder
10. REMAIN CALM NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS ( this works in your favor later)

someone else here said she is getting help and has a plan....that may or may not include saying stuff that will make you nuts!!! DO NOT REACT to that ****...think of it like you are a little kid and are on a little kids playground and someone is sayin...YOUR MAMA to you....act like you never heard it....REMAIN CALM even if you are furious - trust me on this!
I am sure there is MORE that you can benefit from...but this should get you thru the first encounter....last piece, GET A BULLDOG LAYWER call A.D.A.M. YOU will NEED IT and SOON!!!!

things to watch out for:
1. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES participate in anything that even resembles a "booty call"
2. do not let your thoughts get the best of you, you cannot fix this with a kiss or a hug or roses so DO NT WASTE YOUR TIME!!... you will NEED professional assistance either via counseling or a really GOOD strong lawyer
3. "I love you " said in this situation is not meant to convey feelings, it is meant to DISARM..or entrap.... ignore it!!

EVERYTHING happens for a reason, you may not ever find out what that reason is but rest assured there is one

good luck stay calm get in touch with friends and family and let them fill your empty time....right now being alone can lead to the wrong move...kinda like shopping while hungry
 
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