Want to pose a question

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YY1 said:
[QUOTE="...
Bottom line folks, mans purpose is to provide for his bride and endure any financial stress.
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Fortunately my wife does not subscribe to this.

We are both very independent/self sufficient, and make a MUCH stronger team because of it.

Did I mention the part about NEVER arguing about money. NEVER.

That equates to almost never arguing.
I can probably count on one hand the number of times we've had strong disagreements in over 18 years.[/QUOTE]


Is that because your accounts are seperate?
 
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moparmat2000 said:
My only play money is my paypal account period. If nothing is in my paypal, i dont buy project parts. Its not linked up to savings etc. My checkbook is always open for her to look at. Its a boring read. Bills, gas, dog food at pet smart for my little idget etc. Whatevers left goes to savings.

If i wasnt a saver we wouldent have had the extra 3k to put on a newer car for her along with the trade in on a van we were upside down on. If it wasnt for me, we wouldent be living in a house that i bought and payed for in its entirety a year before we got married, or would have the money for property tax and homeowners insurance yearly as i have to escrow that myself since i dont have a mortgage. If i wasnt a saver i wouldent have a 401k that will provide for her long after i am gone. She is the beneficiary of everything. She touts to her friends how i am good at making the money work, this is one of those things.

Yep i am gathering from a lot of you that i went about this the wrong way, however every time i would mention doing this in the past we would argue about it. After 8 years of this, i got to where i would dread looking at the account every week and try to make the numbers add up.

I write checks for all the bills. She works full time as a nurse. I only ask her to buy the groceries, take care of her student loan, our sons after school care and gas in her car, plus whatever else she wants to use the money she makes for. She usually buys Christmas for the kids, i asked her what she needed this year, gave her $500 towards it.
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moparmat2000 said:
Yup, and i do. I cover everything but her student loan, the groceries which she agreed to buy to help out, the after school care for our son which she agreed to pay for and her fuel.
I do the rest. Homeowners ins, prop taxes, water, electric, gas, cable, phone, car payment, auto insurance, healthcare, dental, eyecare ins, money in 401k.
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I gotta say this - A. it sounds like you guys may already have some $$ agreement issues and that to some degree you are holding it over her that you are better situated then she is financially. B. You talked about the new account in the past and it turned into an argument then - but you still went ahead and opened one anyway!? That my friend was a mistake.. you would have been better off bringing it up again and simply saying that you were doing it.
 
When you watch movies from the 40's and 50's the men handled the banking, and wrote the little lady a check or gave her cash for shopping. That has passed and most people I know have separate accounts. If your just paying bills and there are no hooker payments, where is the harm. Better than arguing every week.
We have two accounts, and mine pays all family bills, and my wife pays for just cable and groceries, other than meat because I go to a butcher for that. Her income is more than she spends in a month. We are retired and my income is more than twice her's so bill division it's not an issue. She doesn't blow money and at our age she can buy what she likes, with no questions from me. I do the same. We are not wealthy (blue collar money) but we live well enough and never argue about money.
I know people who contribute a percentage of their income based on each salary to a third account and that pays all the bills. A little cold for me.
 
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moparmat2000 said:
Yup, and i do. I cover everything but her student loan, the groceries which she agreed to buy to help out, the after school care for our son which she agreed to pay for and her fuel.
I do the rest. Homeowners ins, prop taxes, water, electric, gas, cable, phone, car payment, auto insurance, healthcare, dental, eyecare ins, money in 401k.
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I have to ask. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT WOMEN !
I don't think you can do much more or should, Matt.
 
Execution fail. Temporary flare up. Are the both of you going to be thinking about this issue next month? Doubt it. Move on with it together and concern yourselves with more important things.
 
didnt read through all this so sorry if im repeating others, but what do you want to do...bail or fix the leak?

i dont think spouses should have separate accounts but in this case it might partially work
the real problem is her spending or her inability to balance a checkbook
so until you fix the problem, the second account is simply a band aid

now, the real problem is you "going behind her back" by opening this account and i can imagine it makes her feel like a child
 
For the record, my wife and I have always had seperate accounts. And, most people think I’m very point blank with people, and I am with my wife also. When we decided that seperate accounts were the way things were going to work, I told her point blank...” my bills will never be late, because I can’t take the chance that they will ride around in your purse until you lose them, or find time in your busy schedule to mail them”. I pay all of the important bills, which amounts to about double what she pays for, and any time she starts squawking about money, I offer to swap what she pays for what I pay. Also, all my bills come out of my account automatically, so they’re never late. On a good note tho, she knows that if she asks for money for anything, I will give it to her, usually much more than she asks for. We’ve been married for 27 years, and we are a very strong team, I believe because I tell it like it is, and don’t beat around the bush!
 
Separate checking accounts here. Separate mortgages except the house we share. Have our own money to spend the way we want. I pay car and home owners insurances and car payments. She takes care of kids and house stuff. One joint USAA (best rates for everything) account for vacations and international trips. We were successful professionals before we got married so it didn’t make sense to have joint accounts. I guess all depends on where you are at in life when you get married in the first place.
 
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moparmat2000 said:
Want to pose a question. If you wanted to open a seperate checking account to pay bills with that wasnt joint acct with your wife, so you go and open it without her knowledge. Would that be concidered underhanded or sneaky.

After having to deal with debits and expenditures on a joint checking account with my wife, and sitting at kitchen table every week for an hour at a clip getting frustrated figuring it out to square it up, i decided to just open a seperate acct to deal with paying bills, and never told her. So she asks me this morning if i did that, i told her yes, and why. So she says its underhanded and sneaky even though i showed her the register, and its all either bills, or gas in the car. I figured i was gonna get an argument either way because every week its an issue about who owes what to the acct. We both work full time. I figured this was a way to not argue, since i was no longer using the joint acct. So it blew up on me anyways

Curious as to what you think.
Matt
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Matt, I don’t want to come off as rude with a high and mighty head, but, with the most cautious tone, I think your wife has a problem with you and trust as well as her pessimistic mind view. I see no reason to “Blow up” on the matter.

Now with that said, I did indeed tell my wife I’m doing exactly what you did. Having the joint account made a few things hard. Entitlement to the Monroe’s in the account caused over spending on things not needed in each of our views. Not that we put a stop on what we want for ourselves but in the available cash flow for the things we want being spent at the same time. There is nothing more frustrating than to have your bill due to your machinist due and your watching your wife unload her latest (crazy ***) purchase.

We both work full time and I some extra shifts. So I now have my own account. And the MoPar parts are flowing in once again!
 
rumblefish360 said:
Matt, I don’t want to come off as rude with a high and mighty head, but, with the most cautious tone, I think your wife has a problem with you and trust as well as her pessimistic mind view. I see no reason to “Blow up” on the matter.

Now with that said, I did indeed tell my wife I’m doing exactly what you did. Having the joint account made a few things hard. Entitlement to the Monroe’s in the account caused over spending on things not needed in each of our views. Not that we put a stop on what we want for ourselves but in the available cash flow for the things we want being spent at the same time. There is nothing more frustrating than to have your bill due to your machinist due and your watching your wife unload her latest (crazy ***) purchase.

We both work full time and I some extra shifts. So I now have my own account. And the MoPar parts are flowing in once again!
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No offence taken.
 
Matt...also not trying to be rude but I also seem to think maybe your wife has an issue with things other than this "sneaky" account. Not everyday in a relationship is clowns and ice cream cones but when **** goes down and my wife says something about leaving I always reply with " you know where the door is" I refuse to "beg" somebody to be with me...like me or not...dont care I am who I am and stay true to myself. Sure I compromise, everyone in a relationship does but some people lay down and completely change who they are...I did for a few years but that is no way to live. You got one shot at life...make it count!!
 
The Face book posting by her is dead wrong! I can't understand why people are so willing to throw their private information on FB for everyone to read. Now as far as the CK book thing, My wife does the paying of the bills, has for over 30 years.She does a good job of it. Now I have had my own Cking acct. for over 30 years also. All of my paycheck and now pension check goes in our joint acct. My check book is for cars, parts, hunting etc. All the money I make selling parts, or turning wrenches goes in my acct. This has worked for over 30 years.
 
Two checking accounts with both names on both accounts. She uses one for her retirement checks and I use the other for mine.
Pay the house payments with hers and her heath insurance. Pay car insurance and utilities with mine.
I use my paypal account for buying and sale of car parts . It is used to supplement special needs purchases also.
We will be married 30 years in March.
 
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I am retired (poor) and wife is 63 and does rural r/e agent stuff. It is not selling homes in the city, but rural property. This can have LONG dry spells. We have a small saving acct that pays bills and my check that will not cover all month's bills, as we wait for a R/E payday! We have a couple of checking accounts. My SS goes into mine as I call it, but $ there are available for whatever needs paying. The other checking is joint too. I am used to paying all bills, but she does it now. She is never late to pay anything so all is good. We never have a cross word, around each other 24/7, and very time we go to town, she asks if I need to go by the parts store!
When we shop for groceries, I just let her have her list and do it while I tag along. If I had the list we would starve!! And for example: There would be no dish washer soap as I would hand wash them!!! I was raised by older parent that came thru the Great Depression and 2 wars. In my life, I have seen tough times. I feel I am better for it.
So basically, I don't think it matters if joint or separate accts. It just boils down to how 2 people can handle bills/$$$ and how they interact with each other.
 
I have no money management skills whatsoever.
Helps to have money to manage.
20 plus years ago we were a financial disaster.
Step one,quit writing cheques.
Get a credit card and buy what you can afford to pay cash for.
We seperated accounts and i concentrated on building a credit rating.
With my wife’s name off my account i managed to get a mortgage.
The a second house, rented first one.
Joint checking account, my own savings account.
After starting my business, its joint, but mrs lets me know what she is spending money on.
Wife has a u.s funds bank account which i just found out about.
I could care less, its for our trips.
Would be a different story if bills are getting neglected.

We dont argue about money. We duscuss.

Best friend and his wife have seperate accounts. If they didnt they would be bankrupt. And divorced.
 
A separate checking account is a good idea . Not telling her ahead of time isn't . I'm thinkin' you have more issues in your marriage than a second checking account . Marriage takes 100% commitment 100% of the time . Eventually the kids will grow up and move away (hopefully) and it will be just the two of you . Is that what you want ? Marriage is hard work . Raising kids is hard work . Both can be rewarding .
 
I took a second look at your comments before I posted the one above and it got me some insight as to where your head is . I think you are keeping score financially . This is a control issue . I may be wrong on this . I have no solutions , only suggestions . A lot of the other commentators are telling you what works for them . This may or may not be helpful . Everyone is different and manages differently . Please sit down with her and discuss the issue in a loving and non-accusing way and attempt to resolve it . It may not work the first time but keep at it . Same with the kids . Be united in your approach to them. Parents who have expectations of their children (behavior/hygiene/chores/education/etc) have happier results .
 
moparmat2000 said:
Would that be concidered underhanded or sneaky.
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As so with many opinions\polls the outcome is usually split pretty much even. But the OP had already made the decision and acted upon it, and now asking an opinion, “after the fact”. Almost sounds like he regretted making the choice, and now asking for help to circle the wagon train? The best opinion you can give someone is what they want to hear, even though we know that is not the way it should be. Advice giving usually doesn't work, and often completely backfires, this is why there is an overabundance of self help books.
Every morning I wake, hoping all my humanly functions are close to normal, sip my coffee eat my toast and open up this wondrous forum and read, sometimes I shake my head, and giggle deep inside. Much as we were kids eating our cold cereal and looking contently at the back of our cereal box. Only thing that comes to mind here is, “Silly Rabbit, Trix are for Kids”........
 
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So, has the wife read the thread yet ?
 
Yup, got thru the first 18 or so responses, got pissed, says i didnt portray this accurately though i thought i had. Says i basically portrayed her as an idiot. I dont think i did.
 
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