Want to pose a question

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by moparmat2000, Dec 6, 2018.

  1. moparmat2000

    moparmat2000 FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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    Want to pose a question. If you wanted to open a seperate checking account to pay bills with that wasnt joint acct with your wife, so you go and open it without her knowledge. Would that be concidered underhanded or sneaky.

    After having to deal with debits and expenditures on a joint checking account with my wife, and sitting at kitchen table every week for an hour at a clip getting frustrated figuring it out to square it up, i decided to just open a seperate acct to deal with paying bills, and never told her. So she asks me this morning if i did that, i told her yes, and why. So she says its underhanded and sneaky even though i showed her the register, and its all either bills, or gas in the car. I figured i was gonna get an argument either way because every week its an issue about who owes what to the acct. We both work full time. I figured this was a way to not argue, since i was no longer using the joint acct. So it blew up on me anyways

    Curious as to what you think.
    Matt
     
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    • toolmanmike

      toolmanmike FABO Staff Staff Member FABO Gold Member

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      Great idea but you should have talked to her first. At my house anyway.
       
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      • Kent mosby

        Kent mosby FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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        It is a great idea to have 2 accounts. One for tax related items that you want to keep track of and one that is basically a cash account for things like groceries and gas etc. Telling your wife why you are doing so is a good idea. Trust goes a long way
         
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        • DesertRat

          DesertRat FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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          I have thought of doing the same thing many times but I have never had to do it. From the outside you needed to do it for your proper accounting of funds. I know many married couples with separate accounts of a similar nature. If you made a mistake (I said if) it was in not telling her up front and letting the dice fly high. Sometimes we just have to tell them how it is and not let them vote. At my stage of life I have informed my bride of 52 years that I may make some unilateral decisions that she doesn't like or agree with but I really don't care. The issue for me is how I use the resources I have left in the time I have left.
           
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          • mycuda

            mycuda FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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            Had separate checking accounts for 25 years.
            Easier and no stupid questions about car parts purchases that are saving bunches of money, but hard to explain sometimes...
            I said we can have a joint checking account, but she would be responsible for 1/2 of all bills....that was all it took.:lol:
             
          • moparmat2000

            moparmat2000 FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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            Well i didnt tell her, i just went and opened one to keep track of bills and gas in my car to make things a bit easier on my accounting. But she is pissed off at me. Says it was underhanded and sneaky even though that was not my intent, it was to make something in my life easier by only having to keep up with the bills and gas in my car which is typically all i use an account for anyways. My wife debits for everything, and then i have to try to account for it all on a weekly basis, and figure out whats in the account. Then we get into spats over who spent what and where. I figured by doing this it would eliminate that issue.
             
          • toolmanmike

            toolmanmike FABO Staff Staff Member FABO Gold Member

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            She'll get over it when she sees how well it works.
             
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            • moparmat2000

              moparmat2000 FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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              I am hoping so.
               
            • plumkrazee70

              plumkrazee70 Well-Known Member

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              My wife and I share a checking and a savings. Both our checks get direct deposited into the checking.

              We use our joint credit cards (some in her name, some in mine) to pay all our bills, if they aren't on auto pay. Then pay the credit card each month.
              I keep all my receipts and write on them, if it's not clear what they're for. She reconciles everything each month and we can see where ou money is really going.

              I guess my only question is why did you need to keep track of your debits separately?
               
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              • Matts440

                Matts440 FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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                My wife and I have always had separate accounts and we have both agreed that as long as the bills are paid first can then spend money on us, or car parts, course after I get this car gets up and going will be putting more into our savings.
                 
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                • mbaird

                  mbaird mbaird FABO Gold Member

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                  If she did that your reaction would be "Great idea!"
                  relationships are not a 2 way street. Men shrug things off and women hold grudges.
                  Just apologize and tell her you didnt realize it would matter to her , tell her men are idiots and you love her then take her to dinner...lol

                  You could also go over the account payments... I mean checks to the power company are different than checks to the motel 6 !
                   
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                  • ScampMike

                    ScampMike Despicable Damn Yankee FABO Gold Member

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                    Mrs and I have both joint and separate checking and savings accounts. The bills are paid and there is food in the cupboards -and we have even managed to save some "rainy day" $$. (despite my spending on car and motorcycle related "needs") Nothing will come between a couple faster than $$ issues, you HAVE to be able to trust each other. I am lucky as hell, we both agreed on how the bills etc. would be handled from day one. @moparmat2000 you had to know it would be noticed - yep, you F'ed up not talking to her about it beforehand, but like toolmanmike said, once she see's how well it works it'll be fine - - - unless she has some ulterior motive or doesn't trust you.
                     
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                    • moparmat2000

                      moparmat2000 FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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                      Because she deposits money and only uses debit card for everything including $5 purchases, sometimes 25-30 purchases a week slight exaggeration, then i have to try ro reconcile the checkbook weekly and make it jive, with no help whatsoever. When i do question a purchase or debit i didnt make theres times she has not written it down and then an argument ensues over who did that pruchase or debit. I was done with that, because all i use it for is bills and gas in my car.
                       
                      Last edited: Dec 6, 2018
                    • R4Sedan

                      R4Sedan Life in the Fastback Lane FABO Gold Member

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                      Personally I think it's wrong. I know a lot of people do it know of days. But, I guess I'm old school my wife and I are on everything together. Properties,Cars,Bank Accounts, And so on.... If you are going to hide stuff or do things behind each others back then why be married.
                       
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                      • YY1

                        YY1 Well-Known Member

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                        My wife knew going in that we would have separate accounts and a "middle" account.

                        Household bills and transfers between us go to and from "the middle", paycheck deposits and credit card bills are tied to the individual accounts.

                        We NEVER have "can I buy..." conversations.

                        we NEVER argue about money, except for "you gave me too much".

                        If you can afford it, buy it.

                        If I can afford it, I buy it.

                        I'll never buy a new car.

                        She wanted one and could afford it, so she bought one.
                         
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                        • ScampMike

                          ScampMike Despicable Damn Yankee FABO Gold Member

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                          sounds like she needs to open her own account and keep track of her $$ and learn to manage it
                          to each their own - so what do you do if you want to buy her a gift?
                           
                        • barbee6043

                          barbee6043 barbee 6043

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                          I have done it all different ways. I am a stickler on keeping p with the checkbook, to know where the $ goes, as it is always short. I was raised by older parents that went thru the real Great Depression too.
                          I like your deal of having the separate bill account. From there have each their own act. You keep up with the bill acct. and yours. Let here keep up with her's. If she get an overdraft bill, then the chit would hit the fan!!!! lol
                          We use card for gas only as it is business expense.
                           
                        • ScampMike

                          ScampMike Despicable Damn Yankee FABO Gold Member

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                          right on the money man - pun intended :D
                           
                        • greymouser7

                          greymouser7 Mopar man on Mission Impossible. FABO Gold Member

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                          Just give her access to check it. If you are not worried about her taking out money, then she can check it, and will get over the miscreation. They don't really bring it up until another fight occurs about finances. I would tell her she has access to check it, apologies for creating doubt or mistrust, and that it wasn't your intention to go behind her back, just to track some of your expenditures. -best wishes brother
                           
                        • R4Sedan

                          R4Sedan Life in the Fastback Lane FABO Gold Member

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                          to each their own - so what do you do if you want to buy her a gift?[/QUOTE]
                          Buy her one???
                           
                        • moparmat2000

                          moparmat2000 FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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                          She posted the question to her fakebook friends. But left out some information. Her female friends are saying i am doing this to seperate or divorce her. I told my wife, you left out some crucial pieces of information that you knew about thismorning. I had the account since 11/15/18. About a week ago we had a major family blowout between me, her, and how shitty the kids act, and she just said she would take the kids and leave, so i could get my life back to normal. I told her if that was my intent with the second bills checkbook, then the blowout a week and a half ago would have been perfect timing for me to say umm ok, i will get you some boxes. Also why would i have gotten her a new car this past saturday to replace the van if i was divorcing her. LoL SMH. Women.
                           
                          Last edited: Dec 6, 2018
                        • R4Sedan

                          R4Sedan Life in the Fastback Lane FABO Gold Member

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                          What's SMH?
                           
                        • moparmat2000

                          moparmat2000 FABO Gold Member FABO Gold Member

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                          Shaking my head
                           
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                          • ScampMike

                            ScampMike Despicable Damn Yankee FABO Gold Member

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                            Buy her one???[/QUOTE]
                            tsss... so "hey honey, I bought you something - we now have $200 less"... :BangHead:
                             
                          • R4Sedan

                            R4Sedan Life in the Fastback Lane FABO Gold Member

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                            tsss... so "hey honey, I bought you something - we now have $200 less"... :BangHead:[/QUOTE]
                            Whatever to each your own.....